Well this is just IMHO, but you said it's an issue of personal identity, and you've asked other people to decide it for you. And they have, and of course they've done it for their own reasons (one sees it as behavior, the other as neurology -- which do [i]you[i/] think represents it better?). Given a "yea" and a "nea" you could do your own research in books, and IMO, more importantly, in the words of ASD people here and elsewhere (and in books, also), and come to your own conclusion. If official word from an authority figure means a lot, then maybe get a 3rd opinion and go with the best 2 out of 3?
PS Your neurologist sounds like he has a much better understanding of AS. Or, at least, a view that I think makes more sense. The only reason behavior is used to dx it is because no one has figured out yet a neurological test for it yet.