I don't get it

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I have a routine of making my bed before I get dressed and brush my teeth. Nothing will get done if I don't make it. Some days I really don't feel like doing it, like I feel tired but I force myself to do it. When I was a kid I wouldn't make it until I went to bed. And I used to just throw the cover over my bed, now I neatly tuck everything in.


That sucks. I usually got low grades in school and average in my later tertiary courses but I'm on a disability job network, so grades don't really come into it. My lack of work history helped me get on it, oh and my psychiatrist helped a bit too.

That's another reason I'm not sure if I'm really an aspie. I thrive in chaos - as long as I'm allowed to do things my way. I actually saw a psychologist briefly and we had a conversation about this. He feels I'm also too tuned into other people to have asperger syndrome. But there are a variety of other symptoms that I definitely exhibit in no small amount.

I got poor grades, I was never able to motivate myself to listen or actually do work outside the class. I procrastinated too much. Then I blew away everybody else in standardized tests, always in the top 1,000th or 10,000th or so on. But good god did I hate school. I never graduated university.

I suppose if I were the type of person who sticks to schedules, I would probably get a lot more done though. I'm ridiculous about procrastinating sometimes.

I'm basically the same way it seems. I never get out and do anything besides go to the store though :S and if I had a routine in which my bed had to be made first, and for some reason I didn't do it... then I can't do ANYTHING for the rest of the day, because I feel distraught. It's like-the bed is right there and I *could* make it, but sometimes for some reason it's really really hard to just make myself do it, and it ruins the rest of the day. It's almost like I look at the bed and don't just see the bed... I see a HUGE task that is just impossible to complete for some reason.

It is like a huge task. Every little task that makes up my morning routine is a huge task. Yesterday I woke up at 11am and sprang out of bed because I'm usually out of bed by 9am, then my whole feeding schedule was ruined. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed but it was 9am so I did.

What I don't get is people are proud of their autism but yet they go "Why would someone want to have Asperger's?"
I mean people here act like having AS is a wonderful thing.


I wouldn't say I am proud of having it, but no I would not want to be cured because I'm me. I wouldn't be me without it. I don't tell people because I'm embarrassed about it and afraid what they will say about it and how they will treat me. I have heard horror stories by people who tell others they have it and they get treated badly in return. I rarely tell people I have it. I've told a few online who weren't aspies. It was just random topics we were on and it came up. Plus I think people don't need a label to understand me. Either they accept me or they don't. If I need to be defined by a label to be understood, forget it.

Speaking only for meself - as if I could speak for anyone else -

I am built with a strong secrecy drive. I will pass what info I can trust you with, often on a need to know basis.

My specteal features - most I would not change, and I doubt I would be more or less elcomed / rejected if I passed out full disclosure. But I am unlikely to talk about it - or anuthing else that has to do with ME or anything real - except with people I am very sure of.

Maybe. I think the milder it is, the harder is it to see. They look more normal and I can't tell they have it. I can only tell by what they say about themselves. I have seen the youtube videos done by aspies where they talk about their condition and they all seemed normal to me. That's what they call an invisible disability. Same as when I go to the autism groups, they come off as normal. Very few appear different.

I suppose I have I mindset of accept me of GTFO.
I'm fortunate to have some friends that can accept me and even let me talk about being autistic. Then there are those friends that feel uncomfortable about it and I feel like I'm lying to them if I don't tell them.
And if I was to ever meet those people that would put me down because of it I will probably jab them with something hard, or at least not pursue a friendship with them.

Yep, I know that feeling... the other day we had some plans, and for some reason, they kept going back and forth. I could not function at all that day until I knew EXACTLY what was going on, and even after that when I looked back on the day, the whole day was just a big confusing blur... I had gotten NOTHING accomplished, just because of a phone call that started off the morning in a way I wasn't expecting.

Glad you were able to get out of bed on time. I hate those mornings I sleep in. It's nice to sleep in and all, but it throws me off.

When anything changes first thing in the morning, or if things don't fall into place essentially, I just sit there for the rest of the day, with no clue what to do next. It's odd I can't just force myself to start from the beginning, because if I did that, it seems everything else would follow suit. It just doesn't happen that way though-it sounds like such a simple solution, but at the time of these things, it would just NEVER work. I just can't get into a mindset like that when things start off wrong... so I just kind of sit there all day, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing.

I got both reactions from people, just for being myself, before I'd even had any idea that some kind of autism could describe me.

I think the "aspergers" personality traits I have are great and I have no desire to change them.

I just tend to confuse people. If I later explain that I suspect I have asperger syndrome, they say ooohhh, that explains it.

You guys really seem to be having a hard time and I feel bad.

I'm not "proud" of Asperger's, but I see it as a very good thing, and I know it makes me who I am, and I like who I am.

I don't keep it a secret, but I don't shout about it either. I just get on with my life. But if someone asked me, I'd tell them. Anyone who knows the traits will see it, anyway, and for those who don't, it's obvious I'm different.

Hard for me to know the answer to this because I'm not proud of being an Aspie or ashamed of it. I tend to keep it to myself because it seems to do little good to tell anybody, in my experience. Part of the problem is that I can't prove anything to them, so I half expect to be seen as a malingerer.

The nearest "pride" thing I can think of is that I'm proud to be a socialist, and again I don't often volunteer that to the general population. Too many right-wingers about, so there's no point inviting contempt unless I've already sounded the people out a bit first. If I could weed out all the right-wingers from my life then there'd be no problem, but that's difficult, especially with a day job. Maybe when I quit working I'll be able to just stick to suitable people for most of the time.

I don't see any contradiction in being proud of a trait and keeping quiet about it. To my mind, if I'm in a minority, it's logical to be careful, because pride isn't power. But it's a great shame that it has to be that way.

I have issues with this sort of thing at work. It usually comes down to problem solving somehow... like if something doesn't work yet I did everything right... I'm good at figuring a logical alternative or answer for why it happened--I can fix it for next time. Yet, if I messed up or something unexpected changed the procedure immediately, I can never figure a good backup plan to fix my current attempt. My bosses get irritated because they say I'm smart but that I never 'think'. but for me, when it's something I did or something unexpected... It becomes SO BIG that all I can process is starting over it cause it's ruined and there's no point in trying to salvage something... Think this is part obsessive compulsive to some degree but it just makes me anxious and stressed. Maybe they're right and I'm NOT thinking but it's because I can't.

I don't see how anyone could be proud of being autistic/having Asperger's Syndrome. After all, you are autistic because genes arranged themselves in a certain way (or because of chemicals or vaccines, depending on your point of view). Either way, you didn't put any effort into being autistic so you can't be proud of it because it's not your achievement.

You can be proud of yourself for overcoming difficulty X you have due to autism, or you can be proud of the things certain people with autism have done, but you can't be proud of being autistic. It makes no sense. It's like saying you're proud to be an American. You can be proud of America or happy to be an American, but unless you immigrated you can't be proud of being an American because you didn't put any effort into it.

QFT