Why are special intrests such a bad thing?

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If someone asks "Why do you always talk about meerkats all the time?" I say, "Because that's how I roll."

they arnt, without specilization, its hard to be trully uber at something

Yeah, I've never understood why special interests get such a bad rap. Why is it bad to be so passionate about something that you can't stop thinking about it, it makes you happy whenever you think about it, and it motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? Isn't that what most people dream of experiencing in their jobs?

Why don't people like special interests? I have 2 theories... one is what someone already said, that it gets boring hearing someone talk about the same thing all the time, especially if one knows nothing about it and isn't interested. I've also noticed that at least for younger people (i.e., current high school and college students), it's not considered socially acceptable to be excited about anything. Every time I've been in groups with or observed people who were NT and had a lot of friends, the enthusiasm level never got past maybe a 4 or 5 out of 10. No animated gestures, and barely any excitement in the voice, even when they were talking about movies and music they really liked. I would put it down to them just being kind of boring people, but many of them very self-consciously perceived themselves as "weird" and "quirky" compared to, say, people in other dorms. I'm often tempted to walk down the street singing when I am happy and have a song stuck in my head, but whenever I've done it (thinking no one was around), I've gotten stared at oddly. If I were to dance it would be even worse. Have any of you noticed this general dislike of enthusiasm? I don't get why enthusiasm "isn't done" (why wouldn't people want to be happy?)...anyone have any ideas?

I don't think it's the interests themselves that get people all irate. As the mother of a pre-teen with AS, what annoys me is the fact that he's talking to me non-stop when I just want some peace and quiet.

In the morning, when I'm making breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, and packing lunches, I prefer it to be quiet. That way, I can just be alone with my own thoughts and get all that stuff done. But then my son comes downstairs and starts talking, "Hey, Mom, you know in 'Doctor Who' in the episode with those statues? Remember how sometimes the statues had their hands over their eyes? The Doctor said, 'whatever you do, don't blink," Do you remember how he said, 'don't blink'? And do you remember how he finally got them to turn into statues permanently? Oh, that was funny when he said, 'great, big, wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing?' Do you remember that? Did you think that was funny? Who do you think are cooler, the Daleks or the [some other Doctor Who monster thing]? Do you remember that episode where [recites entire episode]?" I can stand there, waiting for him to pause so I can ask what he wants on his toast, and he NEVER pauses. I am forced to interrupt him, and then he gets upset.


He talks about his interest without pausing enough to let anyone digest what he's saying. When he does pause for input, it's because he's asked some esoteric question that I can't possibly answer. If I say, "I'm sorry, but I'm really busy focusing on something else right now and I'm not able to listen," he just keeps talking.

I don't know if I can speak for NT's , because I'm not convinced that I am one, but I have NT-traits, I suppose. An NT who is interested in Doctor Who would probably say one comment, and then wait for a reply that indicates that the other person is willing and able to discuss that topic. If you just start spewing out facts and comments about your interest, without regard to the other person's ability to join in, you alienate that person.

I like meerkats. They are very cute and interesting animals. I wouldn't mind learning more about them. But I would not want someone to follow me around motor-mouthing about meerkats for 30 minutes at a time, while I'm trying to concentrate on something else, without allowing me an opportunity to comment. I'm not saying that's what you do, but that's what my son does, and it's frustrating.

Maybe it's because I bring them up, in the strangest threads. BINGO!

Nothing wrong at all with having them; they can be used to base your career on later in life, and you'll be marked as an expert/specialist on the subject.

Just remember though that most people honestly don't care about it.

One thing I used to have trouble dealing with--long before anyone knew I was Autistic--was that when people tried to socialize with me, I somehow assumed they actually cared to know about me, & what I was into.

Yeah um..they don't; they're just making small talk, and trying to see if there's any way they can relate to you, since body language is officially out of the question.

Here's what I do: not talk.

I just keep my mouth shut most of the time, and if I'm gonna think about my special interests( and I pretty much always do), just think about them while I'm doing something I don't want to do.

I talk about them with my friends to a degree, but even they seem to have the fly-by-nighters mentality...which I can't relate to.

As I've come to firmly believe, I'd rather know a lot about a little bit than know a little bit about a lot...cause the latter usually translates to "knowing about the same amount everyone else does"...which needless to say is virtually non-existent.

"Here's what I do: not talk.

I just keep my mouth shut most of the time, and if I'm gonna think about my special interests( and I pretty much always do), just think about them while I'm doing something I don't want to do."


How does this work out for you? Does it help you make small talk, when you have to?

I learned recently that NTs don't really like the not talking option either. I'm pretty good at self-censoring, and I was recently told I don't talk enough and I need to "be myself more" by a nice and very well-meaning NT who nonetheless would be bored to tears if I talked to him about the brain and research and geeky stuff all the time. A friend who's very shy has it even worse. People misread him as being unfriendly when really he's just afraid of being judged. Is this a double bind or am I missing something here?

So sorry...you're assuming they notice I'm not saying a freakin' word when they're already busy happily socializing with everyone else about things they can relate to. I mostly just make extremely tiny small talk, feel kinda bad about it( cause I feel like I'm lying if I don't really go into detail about how I am), and move on, focusing on my agenda.

If I have something I need to chat about with someone, I do so; but that's it.

Trust me...trying to make conversation with people I'm not too well acquainted with usually never ends well; it just winds up awkward with me likely looking like a massive jackass in the process.

It's why I've come up with a little self-deprecating joke about myself( and no...it's not meant to put myself down; just meant to be factual, but cruely humorous at the same time):

"unless you want to know about Ghostbusters, the Weimarch Republic, or thorough economic discussion....I've pretty much got nothing"


Yeah, the whole 'be yourself" angle; they don't really mean that good sir..they assume "being yourself" is basically being just like them; it's something I've learned over time.

Well, Mark Twain did once say: "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

You or your friend will be concerned of their opinions only if he's hoping for acceptance from those people. I've come to realize, if I get it, fine, but I'm not expecting it.

The main reason I tell people I don't care what others think of me: "whatever they think of me, it's usually never good, so why should I honestly care anymore?"

I can understand why you get frustrated with your son, because my mom and best friend sometimes get annoyed with me. They sometimes feel that I only care about my interests, and being both sensitive people, they sometimes get hurt and think that I don't care about what's going on in their lives (since I never ask). It's not that at all. I just get absorbed in my own little world. But keep in mind that your son has a very strong NEED to ramble on about his special interests. And he most likely doesn't care much if you're paying close attention. As long as my mother and best friend acknowledge what I'm saying somewhat, I'm happy. I know they aren't particularly interested in the details of my special interests, but I NEED to get them out and tell others about their wonder. So, it's equally annoying and frustrating if the Aspie is blocked from giving monologues. So, what you maybe could do is give your son half-an-hour or so each day where he is allowed to talk to you nonstop. And maybe he could find a "Doctor Who" forum online to join during the times you're doing other things and are too busy to talk. Be very clear with him which activities (paying bills, watching TV shows of your own, etc.) are "off-limit" times for him to ramble, but also let him know that you are interested in hearing his thoughts at designated times. The most hurtful thing for an Aspie is being cut off during a monologue.
-OddDuckNash99-

Good suggestions. I get really upset when ppl do that to me, cut me off, especially if they're nasty about it. I'm older (40s) so I try to limit the rambling to online forums and ppl who share my interests, but that wasn't something easy to do when I was younger.

~Kate

I had to learn the hard way about special interests, I had a severe interest in video games and would play games like World of Warcraft 12 hours a day and sleep for the other 12 hours. I learned that it wasn't productive and I had to take it in moderation, that was a long year learning how to do that. I eventually regulated it very well and decided 7 months ago to quit it for good, sold all my video games at Gamestop, gave the store credit to my nephew who is a gamer and bought a guitar and have been playing it instead of video games. Do I miss it, yes I do but I think about wasting 12 hours accomplishing nothing whereas if I play guitar for 12 hours my fingers will bleed and I'll have mastered several chords.

I believe it's about moderation and refraining from being absorbed by it.

dude...I don' think that's special interest: that's just addiction, and that's really dangerous.

when yer older, it's actually kinda frustrating to hear though...because you know that the people don't actually care what you have to say; they're just humoring you to keep you content.

I actually have really bad memories about that looking back now.

It's why I just stop talking; I only chat about it if the opportunity seems like the right one...and I gotta really, really, really be positive that it is.

True, and that's why, as you age, you just need to learn the small cluster of people who actually are interested in hearing what you have to say regarding your special interests. Although my mom and best friend may get weary of my ramblings sometimes, usually, they are genuinely interested in what I have to say. My mom has always been very supportive of my special interests, encouraging them whenever possible, buying me gifts related to them, etc. It's important for all Aspies to have somebody like this, whether it be a real-life person or an online friend. Our special interests are a part of us and central to our happiness and well-being, and we need to talk about them to somebody besides ourselves.
-OddDuckNash99-

Sorry, thedoctor82, didn't mean to misinterpret what you were saying. It sounds like you know some not very nice NTs.

"unless you want to know about Ghostbusters, the Weimarch Republic, or thorough economic discussion....I've pretty much got nothing"

lol, pretty unusual set of interests. I can see why it's hard to find that little group of people interested in talking about them. I agree with OddDuckNash, being able to talk to my parents and close friends about my interests is one of the most rewarding things in my life. I hope you find people you can do this with. Cheers.

Well ok...my special interests are toys, history, and economics; and cultural history is a big part of that.

People enjoy discussing revisionist history...but get mad when you tell them the truth. I'm not one to follow lies, and to sit on truth, so I tell 'em what I know.

Like I said...most people know a little bit about a lot. And when I say "little bit", I emphasize that. Like...they know what their friend told them( which is um....almost completely inaccurate, usually), and they know nothing beyond that...and really don't care to.

it's where the famous "oh yeah?" thing comes from...