"You don't try new things"

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Its true Pensieve, I also had a breakdown and was in the hospital for awhile (although by my choice, to get away from everything and recover in peace) when I was 27 years from trying to be who and what everyone expected and pressured me to be and do all the time. Just be yourself, its the best thing you can do.

Last edited by Taupey on 29 Mar 2010, 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's the kind of concession that I think Aspies need as a birthright. Seems to me like your mum means well but just doesn't get it. I'd probably go to pieces if I thought my presence at a crowded event was mandatory. I just don't see the need for the compulsion....to me, if somebody doesn't want to visit me or finds that they need to leave, then it's axiomatic that I respect their judgement and allow them to follow it, even if it hurts me a bit.

I like trying new things, but again not if they're being rammed down my throat. Other people can recommend, and they can create the right circumstances for me to find my own way to doing something new, but it it spills over into nagging or coercion, they just put me off, even if the original idea had merit.

I've just thought of something. You've said that she said "Why don't you try new things?", perhaps to seek out new things that you can do alone. You'd be doing what she asked without the social stuff.

Though, honestly, I don't have a clue about how to help about your Mothers issue and it is her issue.

She only said 'you don't try new things' about things that I'm too nervous to try, like socializing, like try traveling to a new location. My brother, sister and her are going to Fiji but I didn't want to. She didn't make a big deal about me not going though.
It's funny, I only found out this bit of information from her because I decided to go on a walk with her. She didn't ask me and it was extremely impulsive. Only a few minutes into that walk after an attempt at friendly conversation we get into an argument, and no matter how many times I tried to explain myself she wouldn't get it and bring up completely random stuff. Well, not really but if I said 'If I'm supposed to tolerate you then you should tolerate me' then she brought up something that we said a few minutes ago which had nothing to do with what I was saying. She does that all the time and it's frustrating.
I think it's best if I ignore her, definitely not go on walks with her again, and I'll just stick to my own solitary hobbies. I've also been holding back my anger. I don't have meltdowns in front of her. Something tells me I should stop doing that.

I would like to compare this to food, because I like it.
My mother and father would always make me try new foods.
My father always wanted me to finish my plate.
They do it because it means I can easily have a balanced diet.

That was to understand the 'place of love' your mother may be coming from.
But it is not a great analogy, because it does not take into account the breakdowns.
Perhaps you can somehow talk to your mother about how you do not crave social interaction on a regular basis because it tires you out.
Maybe find something she finds tiring and compare it to that.
Perhaps you will find understanding.

Like her job? She's always always complaining about it and dreading to go back if she has a few days off.
I could try but every time I explain something she dismisses it and takes the opportunity to lecture me again.

I think that moving out, might be a good idea. I wish that I would have moved out, sooner.

I learned long ago never to take walks with my mom. She never, no matter how much she promises in advance, EVER manages to remain quiet.

I think that's a common thing with mothers.

If only I could. I wouldn't know where to go. I have a job that (eventually) I'll have to start, so I have to stay in town. I don't think I'm ready. Maybe if things get even worse between me and my mum. I know that within the year I should start looking for my own place, but, ugh, I can't think of anything more scary or nerve racking than that.

Mothers - and others - I have to believe they are genuinely trying, even when they are trying. Like my mother [don't be like your father, don't close the door to your room] of the mother of the girl, my sister's friend, who told her "stay away from her, she won't help make you popular."

Thing is, you sead about the hen mothering a brood of ducklings, or in one case baby skunks. Mother hen getting really upset when the ducklings head for the water. If you are a duckling [I prefer to think swan] you need to recognize the good intentions of the mothering hen, but if you need to be in the water [or out of it] you can no other.

I used to get it all the time when I was younger but as I've gotten older people seem to have given up

people try and get me to do stuff but don't put as much pressure on as they did when I was a kid.

Maybe you could get an AS specialist help you talk to your mum, about all of this.

I have to say as a mother myself, she is probably just concerned for you and wants you to have a fulfilling life. However, it doesn't seem that she truly understands AS and the issues and limitations it puts on your life. It seems as though she could compromise somewhat. You do sound as though you are doing well towards becoming independent. If you can't move out on your own right now, then I guess you just have to work with her until you feel strong enough to do so. Hang in there!! !

Maybe you do try new things just not the same things she would like to see.

Ultimately you decide what it is you want to do.

Incidentally I went to a starwatching event a few weeks ago, although it was for the general public so I didn't have to talk to anybody. Also it was cloudy so nothing could be seen, except Mars. But I enjoyed it. The telescope (correct word?) was from the 1850's or something, that in itself made it worthwhile.