The "are you ok?" invaders

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Bluefins is right...just say "Yes, thank you." That'll get the person to leave you alone. People who ask that usually don't want details. (Friends, family, and doctors are a different story; they probably want an honest answer.)

The best suggestion I have about the awkwardness aroung taking naps in public is to get more sleep at night. If you really feel that you need to nap in public during the day, go to the park with a beach towel or blanket and spread it out. Lie down on it and sleep all you like (just don't bring your valuables, or put them out of sight). People will interepret that as "normal" behavior because lots of people do that, weather permitting. When I lived in Boston I would go to the Common and sit around all day; lots of people napped.

My mates ask it whenever I'm zoning out or looking down. Chill out everyone it's not negative at all they're just worried or curious, why does it make you so angry?

It interrupts my train of thought and reminds me that I am in a world with people around, whom I am trying to ignore.
It can cause me to involuntarily jump, scream or shout obscenities, causing great social embarrassment.
It can cause me to have a melt-down or panic attack.

Sure, I understand that these people have "good intentions" and do not have any intent of malice.

That is not my complaint.

The beef I have is that people do this because it is "socially expected" for them to do. It is similar to when somebody says "how are you doing?" as a "social script" but doesn't actually wish to inquire how I am doing.

The fact is, most people don't logically analyze "why" they do things at all. They do things "cause thats just watcha do".

i get asked are you ok all the time...friends, teachers and even people i don't know (as i walk down the street, in a restaurant, on a bus). they say i look sad.
i am not sad, if i was, i'd be crying! i'm just in deep thoughts most of the time - and i don't like it when those are you ok people interrupt me!

Actually I think they mean it pretty literally - they want to make sure you're ok. Like someone said, if you just say that you are, that's the end of it. It's not hollow social expectations in this case, it's social glue - it's what makes a society.

I think you're right. When people see someone who is zoned out they do check if you're OK from a genuine concern. If you had been taken ill or something and they walked by without doing anything about it they would feel guilty. Just saying "I'm fine thanks" will reassure them and they'll leave you in peace. You might also try wearing a headset (you don't need to have any music playing if you don't want to) - people aren't as spooked by you having a faraway and lost expression on your face if it looks as if you might be listening to something. I do this when I'm in town, and it also seems to reduce the number of people who stop me to beg, or ask me to answer a survey or whatever.

But it IS tricky to tell the difference between that concern (which is a nice thing even if it makes you jump and disturbs your daydream) and the people who ask "how are you" or "how's it going" every time they see you, even sometimes multiple times in the same day. That IS a social formula, and they really don't expect you to have anything to say in reply aside from "fine thanks, how are you", but because it is so much a part of routine exchanges for them it "feels rude" to them if they don't ask.

I agree with the suggestions that have been made. Taking a nap behind a bush or down an alley is likely to make people nervous when they catch sight of you. They're likely to suspect something is wrong and either approach you to see if they can help or call the police, depending on how brave they are. Having a nap on a blanket on a piece of grass somewhere probably isn't going to prompt that reaction (unless the weather is terrible maybe).

If somebody asks how you are, look into their eyes, smile, and tell them that you feel like you are dying inside. Then turn your back on them and walk away. Be careful not to display any negative emotion. They will never ask you that question again.

I'm definitely going to do this. Really. It's kind of like when someone asks why you don't have kids - the best response is to burst into tears. hehehe.

There are some people who habitually ask me if I'm ok if I am quiet for a little while, maybe just thinking. For some reason, if I'm not completely engaged wtih the people around me all the time, it seems to make them uncomfortable, but it's more their issue than mine. I can understand someone mis-reading me, but when they don't believe me when I say, "I'm ok", and come back with a searching gaze and "Are you sure?" I can get a little annoyed. I think people who do this are meddlesome and searching for amusement or something. They're never actually people who know me well.

I get this a lot too, and what is most annoying is when people say "smile!". What is I don't want to smile? What if I have nothing to smile about? If I actually smiled on cue I would look deranged. I'm not usually unhappy anyway, just deep in thought. I am really put off by people who smile all the time. They are not genuine.

edit to add: and it is really annoying when I am deep in thought when someone asks, "what are you thinking?" How intrusive! Non of their business is what I am thinking. I had an Ex who did that all the time. I cured him of it by telling him what I was thinking once. It was far too confusing for him so he never asked again.

These are the different things that I get, from people.

"What do you want?" the way that you ask a puppy.

"Awe...what?" asked in the same manner.

"Are you okay?"

"What's wrong?"

"Smile!"

"Are you sad?"

"Have you been crying?"

"Don't be that way!"

and my personal favourite,

"Hi, Mick!"

I get "How are you?" all the time, mostly from complete strangers. Sometimes I feel like saying "I feel like cr*p" how are you"
They usually follow it up with "smile". I don't understand why almost everyone wants to know this. Its almost like if your allright then you must be ready for more.

You know, some of you guys are acting like dicks.

Someone comes up to you and shows you some human kindness and concern and you feel the need to be sh***y to them. Shame on you.

Me too. My expressions (whatever they look like) are inaccurate, too. The bad part is that the well-wishers have not stopped after high school for me; they continue. By now, I get pissed off, but I used to get confused at the question. It seems so random because it's just out of the blue asking specifically if I'm "okay."

Like CockneyRebel, I get some of those quotes. "Are you okay?" "What's wrong?" and, "Have you been crying?" are extremely common ones for me.

@granatelli, I can't tell if you're joking or not. This is not just someone showing human kindness. It's almost everyone I come in contact with that asks the same question. "Are you okay?" does not sound like it's showing human kindness; it's asking a person if he or she is OK, probably due to assuming the person in question is not OK. It's a question based on judgment. Therefore, it's someone judging us, not showing human kindness.

I'm not joking in the slightest.

Your premise does not make any sense. Take the chip off of your shoulder and get rid of the attitude. If someone looks at you and you do not look OK (to them), it is a normal, caring, human thing to do to inquire if you are OK.

Would you prefer to live in a world where no one gave a s**t if someone was f'd up and sitting catatonic in the subway?

This thread is a classic example of the social difficulties people w/AS may have. You are completely misunderstanding the intentions of the stranger who is inquiring if you are OK.

Don't you get it? Being approached like that jolts the CRAP out of them and makes them PANIC, even though it was meant well. Can I throw live arachnids at you and complain about what a dick you are when you flail about and panic? (I'm assuming you're at least mildly arachnophobic, here, most people I know are.)

Comparing throwing spiders on a stranger vs someone asking if some who looks as if they may be in distress is OK is completely, absolutely ridiculous.

Another text book example, thank you.