How would you describe your sense of Self?

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Ah, ok. With regards to the time, I experience the non-linear aspect too. I am sometimes acutely aware that time is not a linear entity and that the concrete "reality" we inhabit in this present time, is merely a mental construct and highly limited at that. My experiences with this vary to the intensity of it's consciousness, but it's always there for me. I also have a fascination with time.

I'm still not absolutely clear what you mean by your past lives (ie. If you feel that you've lived in another period of time), but my experience has been that this is my time (not that I feel like I've lived in the 1500's as well, for example), and that I can be in touch with other spirits that are timeless, also that my time here is not linear. I exist in all my ages at once, because my soul is ultimately, ageless. So, to be precise, I am at once 5 years old, 12 years old, 27 years old, 38 years old, etc. Those are only ages and changes in my physical being, My soul, on the other hand, has no chronological age.

I experience life as: Time is fluid. Senses are enhanced. I feel part of the spiritual whole, yet also completely alone. Life can be heart-stoppingly beautiful and I will be filled with ecstacy and wonder and joy and it can also be 7 levels of Hell and I will be filled with morbid blackness - like a 24/7 acid trip

Wow, that's amazing.

I can compare my self to a flock of sheep together with a sheep dog. The sheep dog represents my deeper self, whilst the sheep represent those drives and desires in me which are not yet fully understood or integrated, most importantly my shadow.

In the same way that the French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said that, "We are spiritual beings on a human journey", I feel as an autistic person I could equally say that I am a human being on an autistic journey.

Suffering, together with profound grieving took me out the prison of my thinking, but many of the imprisoning aspects of my neurology have remained intact. A self in exile from the world.

Being able to see, hear, feel and taste the world around me with such intensity, yet for the most part remain a stranger to it's ways and customs causes me such pain at times. Such loneliness.

Even here on WP, I ache at times to find a connecting soul that can like me can sit in awe at mystery, and not have to brake it down to it's different components and label them good or bad.

I move within the contemplative path, and here I have found my vocation, my friends and a sense of my awakening self.

I have none. It's like a closet in a haunted house, you crack the door and it's just dark and you don't know what is in there ready to jump out at you. I really believe this is the developmental disorder part...it has taken me a ridiculously long time to figure out what I / who I / am as a person. Like a snail's pace. I filled myself up with other people's personalities and hoped no one would notice I didn't have one. I was really terrified, now that I look back, that something was wrong with me because I didn't have one or couldn't feel or get a grasp of whatever one was there.

I know I am some kind of queer. I like languages and physics and animals. I am cynical. Those are the parts I am sure belong to me. There is alot there I am trying to get rid of that is just stuff I accumulated trying to have a personality because I was so sure there was something wrong with me because I didn't have one.

I'm someone who's called smart, but I think I'm just analytical, with a good eye for detail. In my opinion, I'm no more intelligent than the general population. However, I am very different, and have different priorities to other people, and a lot of ambition and obsession relating to money - which is why I will be rich.

My ultimate aim for life to get as much money as possible, simple as that, and as long as I do I will be happy. I have a lot of specific plans for my life, I know exactly where I want to live (Monaco), I know what cars I want (Maybach, Rolls-Royce, Bentley, etc), and other such things.

That's all I really think about, and I guess that's where my identity is really; I see myself as someone destined to be rich and successful.

Oddly enough, though, how I see myself isn't something I've put much thought into until now.

You express yourself profoundly well criss.

Your question inspired me to write a poem expressing how I see my "self". I posted it in my own journal, instead of posting it here on your thread. I don't really want to get on a tangent about myself on here. IF you or anyone is interested, you can read my blog/journal entry titled "Flower child".

Thanks so much for the inspiration criss

For whatever else, far too damned self aware. Ignorance is bliss.

I think of my self as occupying points in space, like a giant electron cloud or something. Numerous tiny dots that represent energy/self, all spread out in my mental representation of the world. And when I have to go out into the world and talk interact with the people there, put on my mask and twist my face into a grimace of a smile so I can participate in the obligate chitchat and social niceties that prevent others from seeing me as "the other," it's like I have to force all of those dots into a smaller volume of space. Concentrate them against their will, like gas molecules under pressure, and I have to exert a lot of energy to hold them all together. It makes me feel like Atlas, straining under the massive weight of the world. It's such a relief to come home and let them fly apart, occupy their natural orbitals.