Did your parents ever had to tell you how to react?

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persian85033
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16 May 2010, 7:18 pm

They still have to tell me.


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liloleme
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16 May 2010, 8:17 pm

I have a problem with giving "too much information" when Im talking to strangers....Like at one of my kids IEP meetings Ill start talking about one of my other kids or something like that. My husband always nudges me if I start to "take off". I actually am glad that he does though because I mainly start talking because Im anxious then feel stupid about it later.



zer0netgain
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16 May 2010, 8:35 pm

Depends. I base a lot of my interaction protocol on what I observe others do. It tends to work if people behave properly, but I'm prone to emulate conduct which is inappropriate. Just because Joe can act one way doesn't mean I can do the same thing and be accepted for doing it.



TheDeviantOne
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16 May 2010, 8:48 pm

Almost all the time, although I rarely followed through. It would be things like not looking so angry all the time or saying hi back or something. When I ask why about that stuff, it's mostly because "that's just how people are", like I'm required to reply to random strangers, especially in public restrooms.


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League_Girl
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16 May 2010, 8:56 pm

My mom used to tell me to have my elbows off the table or have my feet in front of me. I was also told by my teachers to say "excuse me" when someone is in my way. I used to just push people out of my way. Also when I was 3-5, we had to follow these etiquette rules in my class during lunch. We had to ask for food as we rub our chests and the teacher would pick one of us to be the hostess and none of us could eat until that kid took his or her first bite.
I was also taught to say thank you by my special ed teachers and my mother and I was taught to say please. I was also taught to say sorry.

Now my husband tells me what not to say. My mom used to tell me what I said wasn't socially appropriate.



River
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16 May 2010, 9:15 pm

I remember one time, my mom scolded me because I didn't accept compliments the right way...I basically tried to deflect them. And I was scolded by her for not making enough eye contact. Oh and I was scolded by her for trailing off and saying "thing" or "thingy" when I couldn't think of a word I wanted to use.



League_Girl
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16 May 2010, 9:30 pm

My mom has scolded me for my rude comments and this was before I was diagnosed. I remember being seven and I see my neighbor walking down the sidewalk to get her mail and I point to her saying to my mother "Look how fat she is" and mom didn't say anything. So I kept pointing it out to her and then they both started doing small talk and then after they were done talking, mom turns to me and tells me to go sit on the stairs and I was confused about why she was punishing me. I thought I didn't do anything and then she told me after wards what I did wrong and claimed she has talked to me about it and to my brother.



Horus
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16 May 2010, 10:27 pm

My family used to torture me with nonsense like this, now they don't bother
anymore. I just let them babble with people they see in public and I just act
like i'm not even there or walk away.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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17 May 2010, 6:48 am

Yeah often got reminded to use please and thank you and to say hello to people if they say hello to me... or to tell me that I shouldn't say certain things, etc.



ToughDiamond
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17 May 2010, 10:49 am

They didn't have to tell me how to react, but they did anyway, sometimes. More often, they'd just run me down for getting it wrong, focussing on my mistakes and the "fact" that I could or should have done better, and on how disobedient and uncaring I was. :evil: There wasn't much of this modern invitational, positive approach around.

Frankly I didn't think much of their advice anyway.....they hardly had any friends and didn't seem to want me to have any either, unless they met their lofty standards, which of course they hardly ever did. I had to learn most of my meagre social skills from other people.



RedTatsu
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17 May 2010, 5:08 pm

My little sister sometimes tells me how I should have acted or what I should have said. She's gotten better about it, but she still does sometimes. Every time I tell her that it makes me feel controlled and upset, she gets really defensive and it escalates into a fight.



Adventus
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18 May 2010, 1:49 pm

My parents and siblings did this the whole time I was growing up. My wife does it now. Heck, my siblings STILL do it. They finally understand why I am the way I am. I was not diagnosed until I was 40.



Penandinkmarie
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18 May 2010, 11:05 pm

I have trouble saying thank you to my parents....I don't think I have said it for a looooong time. No clue why I have an aversion to that word towards them, but it just doesn't come out and when I try to force myself to say it, I get all anxious....so I just don't say it.

When I was younger, I didn't know how to accept/show appreciation for gifts I would get from people....like my parents would have to tell me to smile and show that I liked it even if I didn't. I remember once I got a really cute shirt, and I loved it, but I was so quiet and passive about it, and my mom had to step in and fix the situation. I'm good now though. lol.