is your diagnoses a gift or disorder

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I can't imagine anyone considering my particular neuropsychological
issues a gift if they walked in my shoes. Unless we now consider curses
from the goat of one thousand young to be a gift. Sorry....from
the perspective of rational self-interest...whatever is ultimately wrong with my
brain is no gift.

Well generally, I don't really try to fit in with anyone else's picture of the world, or try to change my personality for others, but it's nice to have friends, and the more you let yourself hang out, all oddities included, the harder that becomes sometimes. I'm still glad to be my own freaky self, but it can be frustrating sometimes when people don't understand. ^^;

And people's personalities do change all the time, and it seems to me that the more I let my differences hang out, the more of an oddball I start to become. Still though, overall I'm pretty satisfied I think. I'm glad to be me, however weird that is, and however weird that will be. xP

Thanks for the vote of confidence too. =P

80% disorder, 20% gift.

disorder, I don't attribute my 'gifts' to AS, only to high intelligence. Being on the spectrums prevents/makes it harder to achieve what I want because social interection is integral in almost every profession. I also feel like I'm missing out on alot, my nt siblings/relative/friends have done so much more with their life, and seem to live life to the fullest, something I know I'll never be able to do.

Well said, and that "decision" is something I finalized when I moved just a few weeks ago. And as far as perspective is concerned, I wonder what options might exist beyond "Gift or curse?"

I am neither, and the mere perceptions of others do not define me.

Getting a diagnosis was a gift because at last I had an explanation for all things that once seemed unexplainable. My family understands me better and treats me nicer instead of saying that I'm compassionless and yelling at me for things that I didn't even know I was doing.

Having AS itself isn't a gift, at least in my case. I think that if I didn't have it I wouldn't have been bullied so much at school and at home, got depressed and left high school after only being there for 5 months. As I was undiagnosed at the time, there was no explanation in my head as to why my life had come to this and therefore, no ways to fix it. Killing myself seemed like the only way out of an existence that obviously wasn't meant to be.
Even though I'm no longer in such a bad head space I still have a lot of issues with anxiety because of my AS. No, it's not a gift at all.

I would say its a gift because im good with trains, maps and can compete with NTs in sports particularly cricket and tennis, the only downside i would say is social interaction and difficulty in finding a job.

Not a gift, if it was I would have returned it already. It makes me isolate myself, it makes me so different people dispise me, I turn away from people who show me affection, I can never trust, and I can barely take care of myself. Some gift.

Well....as i've already indicated....I believe my own issues (whatever they ultimately are) are a curse too figuratively speaking since I don't believe in curses.

Anyway...I don't know how you feel about this, but I think part of the problem
is our ages.

We grew up at a time when far less was known about AS/NVLD and
neuropsychological disorders in general. I received no early intervention
of any sort since NOBODY, save myself, thought anything was "wrong" with
me at all. I went to public school, had all mainstream classes, scored in the
"superior" range on the first IQ test I had in ninth grade, etc....I didn't even
hear the term NLD/NVLD until I was 23 years old when I had my first full
neuropsychological evaluation (and second IQ test) at the request of OVR.

I think my life MAY have turned out much different if I had been born
in 1990 as opposed to 1969. I would be trying to do everything that i'm
trying to do now in my teens as opposed to my forties. And I would have
the assistance of more knowlegeable professionals than I did when I was
a kid. Chances are my NVLD (and eventually...whatever other and perhaps
even unrelated and more serious neuropsychological problems I have)
would've have been discovered by no later than junior high school.

While I can't say for certain things would've turned out differently for
me had I been born 20 years ago or something, I think I would've had
more of a fighting chance than I do now.

Needless to say....none of this does me any good. I'm here...i'm 40....and
it is what it is. I'm not giving up on the hope of better life, since I can't kill
myself, i've really got nothing to lose by attempting to improve my
circumstances.

Gift, definately.

[quote="Horus Well....as i've already indicated....I believe my own issues (whatever they ultimately are) are a curse too figuratively speaking since I don't believe in curses.

Anyway...I don't know how you feel about this, but I think part of the problem
is our ages.

We grew up at a time when far less was known about AS/NVLD and
neuropsychological disorders in general. I received no early intervention
of any sort since NOBODY, save myself, thought anything was "wrong" with
me at all. I went to public school, had all mainstream classes, scored in the
"superior" range on the first IQ test I had in ninth grade, etc....I didn't even
hear the term NLD/NVLD until I was 23 years old when I had my first full
neuropsychological evaluation (and second IQ test) at the request of OVR.

I think my life MAY have turned out much different if I had been born
in 1990 as opposed to 1969. I would be trying to do everything that i'm
trying to do now in my teens as opposed to my forties. And I would have
the assistance of more knowlegeable professionals than I did when I was
a kid. Chances are my NVLD (and eventually...whatever other and perhaps
even unrelated and more serious neuropsychological problems I have)
would've have been discovered by no later than junior high school.

While I can't say for certain things would've turned out differently for
me had I been born 20 years ago or something, I think I would've had
more of a fighting chance than I do now.

Needless to say....none of this does me any good. I'm here...i'm 40....and
it is what it is. I'm not giving up on the hope of better life, since I can't kill
myself, i've really got nothing to lose by attempting to improve my
circumstances.[/quote]

They knew something was wrong with me when I was in grade school and wanted to medicate me. Thats why I was in special education. They also wanted to send me out for further testing but my dad would not let them he thought being on medication I would get labeled as insane which would have kept me from doing a lot of things as I got older. They probably ruined my chances at a normal life. Who knows what would have happened with my life if I took the medicine and behaved like everyone else. I'd could have went to college got a good job and could have been married with kids having a normal life like everybody else. I think they know they screwed me over thats why they do not complain about living with them.

Todesking, to read what you so insightfully wrote is both inspirational and also awakening. We all know ASD are so often misinterpreted and regarded as a negative. How unfortunate since 'our kind' can have remarkable talents (above posts written). Wish there were a way to flourish instead of having to adjust to a world not designed for us.

I guess I know now, the hard way, to ignore those who truly are ignorant/cruel. That is the worst kind of punishment. Instead, work on furthering those special interests! If you do not have the opportunity, make one. Then be grateful.

For those who have had a rough go of it (such as Todesking)......so sorry. You did not deserve that treatment. So, this nifty link is for us! Many Aspies DO excel and exceed expectations. Good that we have the perserverance to do it too

I found this link recently by serendipity, "5 Remarkable Achievers with Autism/AS." There are documentary YouTube video clips embedded worth the watch - I admire Dr. Vernon Smith very much (and all of them):

http://gimundo.com/news/article/5-remar ... -syndrome/

After watching (above link): Yes, it's a gift. Maybe the wrong size and color, not flashy, and non-returnable, but it's functional and priceless
And I wouldn't be without.

Todesking wrote:

I often wonder why my family lets me live with them. After all,
they are the ones who don't think my neuropsychological issues
are as severe as I believe them to be. They think i'm capable of
doing "anything I set my mind to". They acknowledge the fact
that I have a learning disability (NVLD)...but they know enough
about NVLD to know that millions of others share my disorder
and still have managed to be infinitely more successful than me
in every aspect of life. They didn't believe there was ANYTHING
wrong with me until I showed them the results of my first
neuropsych eval. On the other hand, I was self-diagnosed
with NVLD (though the symptoms had another label for them
at that time) when I was 14.

That is to say...I KNEW MYSELF well enough to self-diagnose
with a disorder which was later confirmed by professional
diagnosis. Even after I was proven right the first time, nobody
wants to give me any credit this time around when I insist that
there's something neurologically/neuropsychologically wrong
with me that goes WAY beyond the common manifestations
of the NVLD syndrome (or AS if you want to believe NVLD and
AS are the same disorders.) Still....they have put up with me all
these years and they deserve much credit for that. They admit
they weren't very good parents (though they were never physically/
sexually abusive) when I was growing up, so perhaps they feel some
sense of guilt for how I turned out....idk.


All I know is that I never thought my life would be this way at 40.

Not in my worst nightmares.

^ So sorry Horus. But I believe there is a way and you've done so much already, probably more than you know or are giving yourself credit for. Especially since you had a rough start.

Well, maybe what I posted above, with the link, will help. It cannot hurt! You are tough, Horus. Aspies are slow to neurologically develop and that's good news in that you will excel, albeit maybe not on the same conventional schedule as another.

Sometimes really wish NTs knew, even almost knew, what Aspies actually go through. Horus, you've endured a marathon and I give you credit for that.

I made my father watch Temple Grandin on Youtube and her bio-movie on HBO. He kept on going on about how she was crazy as a child and grew out of it. I told him no they figured out what medicine worked for her. He then went on to say I did not throw tempertantrums I just turned my head away from people when they talked to me. He said I was just really shy and still am, he then said I do not need medicine even though I showed how much of a better life Dr. Temple Grandin is having on meds. He then looked at me and said might as well not use them now your 40 its too late to be normal might as well finish out the ride the way you are. I hope neither of my brother give them grand children they do not deserve them. My parents are the reason I believe people should have to go through a parenting class and be licensed before having children. You need a liscense to have a dog or a pistol why not a child. They should monitor the first child they have for 5 years and if its normal they would be allowed to have more.

I personally feel like a total fake at times. I feel like i've deceived myself
(somehow....for some deep, god-awful subconscious psychological reason
I can't even contemplate) into believing my neuropsychological/neurological
problems aren't even remotely as serious as I believe them to be. Sometimes
I think I just never tried hard enough....at anything. I will check out the link you
posted soon and even though it wasn't directed at me....thank you It is late
now and i'm getting a bit of headache anyway...any "heavy" reading at this
point tonight just might make my eyes pop out of my head.