Habit I've noticed amongst Aspie/Autie guys

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MathGirl
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25 May 2010, 4:09 pm

I forget to introduce myself all the time.


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happymusic
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25 May 2010, 4:17 pm

rmgh wrote:
I hate introductions. And people end up just asking me lots of questions and I just answer. I forget I have to ask ones back and then can't think of very many to ask.


Yeah, introductions can be awkward and the barrage of questions is rude. In a way, find it entertaining to let people go on and on with their questions. Sometimes they just won't let the conversation die, even though it's one sided. I used to try to think of questions, but I just stopped once I realized it wasn't necessary - considering I didn't care if the conversation stalled.



astaut
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25 May 2010, 6:29 pm

I just go "I'm Alex, what's your name?" I think my parents taught me that at a young age and it just became instinct.

I've noticed the not introducing yourself in tons of people. I don't know any aspies that aren't children, and kids are still learning. I know so many teens to young adults that just don't bother to introduce their self and it's just rude. Usually when someone doesn't introduce them self I introduce them, but it doesn't always work that way.



CanadianRose
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25 May 2010, 6:42 pm

I usually introduce myself after between three and five exchanges (if I want to continue talking to this person who be approachable another time). It might look something like this:

Me: "That was an interesting lecture. I thought the concept of comparing an apple to an orange was interesting. What did you think of it?"

Other person: "It was great. I liked the apple and orange concept too. And when he went on about grapes - that was very applicable"

Me: "This class is even better than my physics class. It can be a little boring. I'm a physics major. What is your major?

Other person: "I'm actually taking mathematics, but I added a few science classes for variety."

Me: "That great. By the way, my name is Canadianrose. What's your name?"

Other person: "I'm other person."

Me: "Pleased to meet you other person." and continue with conversation or end conversation by saying "it was nice talking to you."

If I would like to speak to other person again, I might add "would love to talk to you again sometime. Bye for now." and go to my next class or wherever I'm going.

Anyways, the point is, after a few exchanges and, assuming you want to speak to this person again, introduce yourself and ask their name. If after a few exchanges - you're not interested in this person (this means in general - not necessarily as a romantic interest) - just say "nice talking to you" without introducing yourself. You say this even if you didn't have a nice time talking with them. It is just a polite thing to do. The person may be just fine, but just not terribly interesting to you and there is no need to make them feel bad, so a cordial approach is best.

Anyways, that is how I handle introductions in casual settings.



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25 May 2010, 9:22 pm

who I am isn't defined by my name... Heck I didn't even get to pick my name... Well, Exclavius i picked, so it's more me, really. But even it isn't. I'm not my name. it's just a label... Imposed upon me by others, and required of me, by society.

If i were to tell someone I liked their blouse or shirt, would I care who's name was on the label? Oh wait.. maybe if i was an NT, i would.

If i introduce my cat to you, do you find more information from it's name, or from the fact that it's a cat?
well, the name might give you information about myself, if you're perceptive.

Anyways, point taken. I do have to make conscious effort to remember to introduce myself, and just as commonly introduce others to one another.



poopylungstuffing
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25 May 2010, 10:26 pm

Automatically introducing myself to people does not come naturally to me, and whenever someone asks me my name, I feel a bit unnatural and awkward telling it to them. On the phone, whenever anyone asks my name, my gut instinct is to ask them why that is important or why they want to know...which I know is terribly terribly wrong...The act of telling someone my name is uncomfortable for me.



anneurysm
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25 May 2010, 11:10 pm

CanadianRose wrote:
I usually introduce myself after between three and five exchanges (if I want to continue talking to this person who be approachable another time). It might look something like this:

Me: "That was an interesting lecture. I thought the concept of comparing an apple to an orange was interesting. What did you think of it?"

Other person: "It was great. I liked the apple and orange concept too. And when he went on about grapes - that was very applicable"

Me: "This class is even better than my physics class. It can be a little boring. I'm a physics major. What is your major?

Other person: "I'm actually taking mathematics, but I added a few science classes for variety."

Me: "That great. By the way, my name is Canadianrose. What's your name?"

Other person: "I'm other person."

Me: "Pleased to meet you other person." and continue with conversation or end conversation by saying "it was nice talking to you."

If I would like to speak to other person again, I might add "would love to talk to you again sometime. Bye for now." and go to my next class or wherever I'm going.

Anyways, the point is, after a few exchanges and, assuming you want to speak to this person again, introduce yourself and ask their name. If after a few exchanges - you're not interested in this person (this means in general - not necessarily as a romantic interest) - just say "nice talking to you" without introducing yourself. You say this even if you didn't have a nice time talking with them. It is just a polite thing to do. The person may be just fine, but just not terribly interesting to you and there is no need to make them feel bad, so a cordial approach is best.

Anyways, that is how I handle introductions in casual settings.


I do something very similar...if the other person doesn't do the introducing first (which usually happens) then I'll jump in and make myself known. The "nice talking to you" is something I tend to do a lot as it makes the other person feel validated and allows them to make the conversation memorable...and if we bump into each other again we'll be more likely to continue on the same friendly ground where we left off.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Horus
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25 May 2010, 11:10 pm

I don't have this problem myself.



Probably has something to do with the fact that I go out of my
way to avoid personal interactions with anyone.

I will never even initiate a "hi" let alone a conversation.


I would walk through this world invisible if I could.



Philologos
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26 May 2010, 12:12 am

Now, there is an interesting new thought.

I have to say, being strongly an information control freak [I tell you what I think you need to know and what I think is safe for me, pretty much matching wjhat you reveal - and I do not ask qauestuions, I tend to find out things obliquely], woul fall into your category - except I don't do that. Any remotely similar case, except for a few instances of interjecting a commdent into a conversation at another table in the cafeteria, SHE has come up to ME and initiated an interchange. Not sure it would ever have happened the other way.

Interestingly, as far as I remember the Person of other gender approaching me has never introduced herself. Which raises the question, if you did, would you?

Note, by the way, that a very limited range of personalities have ever approached me. It is possible that attitude to personal information is one of the factors that draws or blocks people.



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26 May 2010, 1:09 am

I am actually not bothered if I have a long conversation with someone and we haven't exchanged names. It happens all the time to me. If there is a reason for us to talk again I guess we would introduce ourselves at some point. Every time I go to my doctor's office at the VA I get one of those chatty folks- even though I have my head down either reading or sketching to try to deter any contact. They go on and on about their personal things and never tell me their name. I don't offer mine either, but I also don't tell them my life story.



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26 May 2010, 2:06 am

Quote:
Aspie guys don't see things objectively

umm... Perhaps a bit of an overstatement.


Anyway, I do this, but most of the time it doesn't matter. After one or two conversations, if I like the person, I make sure names are known.

It's also a nice conversation deterrent, most of the time I'm happier listening/doing whatever group thing I'm doing in total silence. I get too focused on what people are thinking if I get into that sort of thing, it keeps me up at night and dulls my focus.


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rmgh
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26 May 2010, 3:34 am

happymusic wrote:
rmgh wrote:
I hate introductions. And people end up just asking me lots of questions and I just answer. I forget I have to ask ones back and then can't think of very many to ask.


Yeah, introductions can be awkward and the barrage of questions is rude. In a way, find it entertaining to let people go on and on with their questions. Sometimes they just won't let the conversation die, even though it's one sided. I used to try to think of questions, but I just stopped once I realized it wasn't necessary - considering I didn't care if the conversation stalled.

NT people do this all the time. :lol: I won't worry so much about it next time :D

Also, I have trouble with remembering to introduce others. Once at my old work, when I had a temporary member of staff working in my department covering sick leave, people from other departments were asking me, as they always did, about the new face in the office. This one was very socially skilled and when people would ask me about him, I would just answer, "Yes, he is here for 2 weeks." That happened several times and every time it did, he would be next to me staring at me waiting and then he would introduce himself to the questioner. Then I realised I was meant to be introducing him, but I kept forgetting again 8O



Danielismyname
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26 May 2010, 4:11 am

It ain't a bad habit.



zen_mistress
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26 May 2010, 4:22 am

From what i remember about Uni, noone introduced themselves or asked someones name until a certain level of comfort was reached. Usually several conversations were had before names were exhanged.

I would never go around asking to know people's names, or proffereing my own as that can end up looking weird if t is done at the wrong time.

The best thing to do is let the other person take the lead when it comes to timng the introductons, NTs are always better at knowng when the rght time for things are.

Perhaps the reason you were bothered by those aspie guys is that you sensed you were being chatted up?


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Last edited by zen_mistress on 26 May 2010, 4:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

IamTheWalrus
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26 May 2010, 4:23 am

Danielismyname wrote:
It ain't a bad habit.


*relief



b9
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26 May 2010, 4:56 am

i do not care who you are and i do not care if you care who i am.
this is a world with 6.6 billion persons in it and it is a chaotic slime of irrelevant angst.

why is it that people can only be people when others recognize them as people ?.

i am a person. i would still be a person even if i was the only one who existed in the universe. i do not care whether other people "validate" my existence with their acknowledgment. i know that i am, and i be what i am, and whether or not i am loved or hated or held in esteem or reviled, i always am until i die.

i am content with being me... whether or not anyone else is happy that i am me.