I hate it when NTs tell me "just get over it"

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You rationaly hate that.

"It's easy to talk to people, just open your month." I really hate it when someone says that! Yeah, I've had this form of ignorance many times when I was trying to mind my own business.



I give this one my 'whitless comment award'. This person didn't grasp the meaning of the word "attack"?



Yes they do, but like everyone it doesn't help to hear something along the lines of "shut up".

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 27 May 2010, 10:51 am, edited 9 times in total.

I have some experience with people of all manners and description living in stress (due to illness, death, etc) from working as a nurse in long term care.

NT people are like this to each other too!! I mean the whole "get over it" "you shouldn't feel that way" blah blah blah.

It is astounding how insensitive people are.

I learned how to better support people by spending time just listening and commenting on what someone was saying when they talk about a stressful situation. Different people have different issues which cause them hurt and grief. My role is to support the individual person in THEIR grief and give THEM support.

I remember a while ago, a co-worker found out that her ex husband (whom she hadn't had contact in years) had died. When I found out, I offered my condolences and said something like this, "Mary, I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your ex-husband. Sometimes it is hard to process a loss like this - you did have some important years together"

My co-worker confided in me later that I was the only person who offered condolences. Everyone else just assumed that she would not be affected by his death.

Anyways, I am just saying that NT's can be sensitive or insensitive to others (NT or not) - it depends on the individual person.

It's not my friends or other people who say stuff like this to me--it's my mother!! She'll say something like that then wonder why I get mad and leave!

I'd never tell anybody to just get over it, because I know how much it hurts.

Speaking for myself, I believe it's a 2-way street. I always want to do my best to work on issues that I have, which bother other people or which cause me not to be a better person. I also have to recognize it when certain people aren't going to understand or work on THEIR issues, and are just going to ridicule me for every little AS trait that comes up. After most of my life allowing those people to be in my life, I see that it's much healthier to just cut those people off. I've had to do that to some long-time friends, and it does hurt to have to make that choice. But there's no doubt it's been the right choice when I've had to do it. And if they ARE real friends, they will get a reality check, and will earn their way back into your life; on your terms.

Watch out for people who don't quite let you have credit for hard work done. The people who will say something like "Well that was a great job!! !... Now if you could only fix this other thing too". What a kick in the stomach, and sometimes those people acting that way, do it so skillfully that you can't see what they just did to your self esteem. You walk away thinking they just said something nice to you, and you can't figure out why you feel bad about yourself all of a sudden.

Charles

but NTs don't have a miracle empathy chip- they can feel empathy most readily for people who experience the world the same way they do. They truly do not get why you may be having difficulty. A good response may be asking them what type of physiological or medical condition they may have and then tell them to just get over it. It may be more effective to do this at a later time when you are not anxious or upset. You can then use their shock to remind them that Autism Spectrum Disorders are neurological and therefore physical in nature, not behavioral, and therefore not something a person can simply "get over." Point out that you are working on learning more concrete ways to deal with anxiety, and that they might help you more if they would remind you of your chosen anxiety reducing strategy when they see you getting anxious. Dr. Tony Attwood has determined that many people on the Spectrum have a delayed cognitive recognition of emotional states. Point out to your "friends" that your body begins feeling emotions before your brain processes it, and that they can help you by pointing out precursors that indicate anxiety is building, so that you can use your anxiety reducing strategies earlier.

Sadly most NTs have some degree of empathy but they don't always know what to do with it. Mental health problems have been taboo for so long people just don't have a lot of experience and information to draw on to know how to respond. If the person saying something thoroughly boneheaded is generally caring and seems to mean well then take it as a lame attempt to help you. If they are a jerk, then they are a jerk. Unfortunatly many Aspies lack the social perception to know if the person is meaning well. Try not to get too bitter by assuming the worst. The worst is sometimes true, but often it's not. Bitterness is only going to hurt you and is definitely not the best thing for your mood. My advice is to try to give them the benefit of the doubt, for your own sake, while realizing that some of them probably really are just jerks.

I am told to "get over it" or "move on" all of the time, especially when it comes to my special interests or when I have been wronged by somebody. When someone has been nasty to me, in some ways it becomes an obsession. I like to know what I did wrong, since most of the time the nastiness happens out of the blue, and I like to figure out how to get back on the good side of that person without causing a scene. As part of this obsessiveness I have a tendency to talk about situations where I feel I was wronged quite a bit after the situation happens.

Maybe it is just peoples' way of saying that these events happen to everybody.

This again?
Look, it's really easy to understand.
Just like everyone, they can't feel what another feels.
They may say they do, but they don't really.
This is where their system breaks, when something happens that they didn't anticipate.
They're just angry that they can't understand it.

I've even had other Aspies saying that sort of thing to me on this forum. I really hate it when they say that because I can't help being anxious, and I can't help hating AS. We're all born different, and we all have our opinions about AS, but each time I try to share my opinions on AS and how life is treating me, I get some replies like:-

''Get off your computer and get a life''

''Quit whining about it''

''You can control your anger with a bit of effort''

''You can't do anything about it''

...and other s**t like that. I really don't think those answers are very helpful. It's nice to hear a little encouragement from people, (Aspies or NTs), but I don't like to be lectured about it. I don't like being told to go out and get a life. I don't like being told to stop whining about it, when all I'm doing is trying to empathise with others. I thought by expressing my thoughts and opinions on Wrong Planet I would get a descent answer, not the same old lecture I get from NTs.

I think the phrase ''get a life'' is a very rude thing to say to some people, especially people who struggle with things but are still making an effort, like I am. I try to busy myself as much as I can throughout the week, so nobody can say that to me. But I wouldn't even say that to people who struggle to go out the door because it is due to phobia and other problems. Phobias and anxieties don't just go away by being told to ''get a life''.

So I totally agree with you on this one. In fact, I was happy I found this topic because I really do know how you feel when people just give you ignorant answers. It's like they're not even listening to you, they're just lecturing, just to shut you up, and I really don't find that very nice of people. NTs aren't all that excellent at socializing. If they were, they'll totaly understand how you feel and would offer you advice, or if they can't do much about it they'll just give you an understanding answer. If you ever want to write a post to me about what bothers you or what you're anxious about, I will understand, because I get the same answers from people too. I wish NTs would stop and think how awesome you are, instead of throwing silly answers at you.


That answer is the stupidest answer I have heard from NTs. It may not help solve the problem, but when you're really anxious or bothered about something, it's only natural to worry and have a panic attack about it. I mean, you wouldn't exactly be over the moon about it, would you?

You should say to them, ''think again, NT!''

That. I always thought like this. i still wonder how they judge OUR level of empathy. they just act it out themselves, most of the time.

NTs have a Theory of Mine. The think "your feelings should be the same as mine"

Sometimes an empty promise is the best
way to get a Mr./Mrs. Normal off your back.

If I ever got the "Does having a/an anxiety attack/seizure/tantrum help
you solve the problem? It doesn't! So just get over it!"

It will most likely Not fix the problem your
having, but it does tend to get the Mr./Mrs. Normal
off your back/out of your life.

Examples of the empty promise:
"Nevermind, I have a pill I can take for it, I'm fine, bye"
[takes sugar pill or some sweet that loox like one]

"Oh what am I saying, I have a trick I use to fix this"
[snaps fingers and says an incantatioin]

If you want to cheese them off besides getting rid
of them, I have said in a very sarcastic tone:
"Oh I was just jerking you around, I'm fine, now go eat a poop!"

And finally, an honest answer:

"No, I will NOT get over it, THIS is how I REACT,
if you don't like it, then get out of my life!"

Reading those quotes greatly annoyed me.

I blocked a friend on AIM for telling me to "get over it."

Stim to your heart's content in their company and tell them to "get over it" because it's more convenient for you that they do that. If we have to endure their norms making things difficult for us without complaint then they should have to do the same for us.