What Is Wrong with Me?

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It seems like some are math wizzes while others love literature and courses involving language(s). I had a hard time maintaining an interest in math while getting compliments on my poetry. My tenth grade English teacher wrote, in my yearbook, that she thought I had a writing talent and hoped I would always use it. I was good at talking and writing, too good at talking, actually, because it got me in so much trouble!

Creative Speech? I like that!

I was word obsessed, too. In mid high and high school,, I looked up words in a thesaurus and replaced shorter words with longer ones. I wasn't nervous about experimental speech, either, which sometimes got me laughed at. I would argue with my friends about why the word I chose was appropriate while they insisted it didn't belong in my sentence. Sometimes I didn't know how to pronounce the word, which didn't help, either, but I was convinced it was important to branch out into different modes of expression, anyway.

Yes, we did that in school and that was a lot of fun. I had a home ec class and one of our assignments was to make a posterboard full of letters and words from various magazines. My happiest memories always involve words, and my worst as well.

I know I've gotten on people's nerves, but people I know have been harsh, too. I just try to not be that way nowadays and it has made my life easier. I still slip up every now and then, but I can say I am a less abrasive in person most of the time. I still may come across blunt and somewhat abrasive on the internet.

Kiseki, yes, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and yes, I am comparing your traits to mine.

When you have a reason for being awkward and everyone can see it, you no longer fall into the Uncanny Valley. You occupy the same level as a cartoon character or a doll, rather than the same level as a corpse. (In case you don't know, the idea is that as things get more human, we like them more, except when they're almost exactly human but slightly off, in which case they're very off-putting.) You aren't just socially awkward now; you're a foreigner, you grew up with totally different customs and a totally different language. You don't just have issues with eye contact; you (probably; I haven't met you) have trouble with bowing and using the correct idioms. You don't just have trouble modulating your tone of voice; you have an accent, not to mention having a lower voice than everyone around you.

It's not strange. It's to be expected. People see so many differences that the specific ones that mark you as "DANGER-- AVOID" are masked. They can't tell whether you have problems with body language or whether you're normal for an American. They can't tell, unless they study American culture, and why bother?

Man, I'm still so confused!