Empathy

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I could watch a person die or starve right in front of me and I wouldn't care. The same goes when someone tells me a sad story. But if I imagine something bad happening to my parents, brothers, or dogs I get upset. God help anyone that does harm to my family or dogs. I do not mind inflicting pain or getting rid of someone. The only fear I have is going to prison where I would be touched by guards on a daily basis so that keeps me inline.

My father when he was in Vietnam would feed the local little dogs right in front of starving children. His friends said it was like he was oblivious to their suffering. They said they did not care it was one of the few times they would see him happy.

Now am wondering if symphaty could is a next step after emphaty? First you see that there is something wrong with somebody and when you notice it by yourself, you feel symphaty for them.
I guess I sometimes don't see what is going on, but if am told about it I do feel symphaty.

I´m exactly the same!

Likewise, when I´m upset about something, it sure doesn´t help me to have someone "feel bad" with me- that just makes me more depressed. I would much rather have a sympathetic listener give me some good advice about the situation.

I don´t know how to "beam into" other people and "feel their feelings"- (when Maxine Aston wrote about this in her book, I thought the woman had gone crazy. But then I asked 2 of my NT friends about it, and they said that they could do it). But I do feel sympathy, most definitely. In fact, I think I´m a pretty compassionate person, when I know what´s going on. (It´s just guessing that´s hard).

Another thought: might it be that autistic people can understand, and feel empathy for each other better than for NTs? Could it be that there´s just a different non-verbal "language", and that we can "read" each other easier? It does seem that NTs have a hard time feeling empathy for AS people, I think people are often way off about how I feel.

Empathy is an illusive, airy thing to me. I don't understand it too well and sometimes don't really believe other people can truly care about people they hardly know. It doesn't help that none of my parents are exactly empathetic. I feel uncomfortable when I see other people being too happy or too upset. I always try do things that are logical or proper when any situation arises, because I really don't know what to think or how to feel, having something to do soothe me a bit. Likewise when I vent to somebody, I don't really expect them to feel bad for me, I expect to hear advices and solutions to my problems.

Last year DH's grandma died. Everyone's sad and I felt all uncomfortable. I went researching for air tickets, hotels and shopped for dark clothes for attending the funeral. Doing things like that made me feel useful and helpful. I did give DH hugs, though to be honest that's a learned behavior as well and one of those "proper things to do".

That's what I'm trying to teach my AS sons as well. The proper things to do. You can't cure this condition and plant some empathy into your brain, so you just learn what to do and get into the habits of doing things expected, and you'll do fine in the society. It doesn't matter that you don't truly feel something deep inside, but you show concern and consideration for others in expected ways then you're OK.

Though I always thought of the definitions the other way around, I feel exactly the same way. Also, my sympathy/empathy is almost entirely intellectual. I rarely feel it as a sort of gut emotion, not prompted by reasoning. The first time I felt it I was 27 and utterly shocked by this feeling. It distracted me from what had triggered it. I haven't felt it like that since.