Length of time you can spend with friends before exploding?

Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Joined: 9 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 297

12 Jul 2010, 12:08 pm

This is a problem for me. I don't know if it is I get bored and feel trapped being around anyone for longer than 2-3 hours. I can't stand mindless conversations and no one can stand my intensity. I don't just feel passive about anything. I feel trapped when someone comes to my house or trapped when I travel somewhere. I count the minutes until they leave or I can go home. I crave my own space, empty of anyone. I have a little more tolerance for someone if I find them attractive, lol. I don't even want it to go anywhere, I just notice it is more fun around them. I am only peaceful alone. I hate people really and wouldn't care if they ever came around. I don't know how to get along in this world and be motivated for casual contact. If I do anything with someone and then they try to add something like, go get some food, I freak out because I don't even know why they don't want to get away. I hate that, hate it when they won't go away, or drag out goodbyes. I don't like people much at all...not anyone...everyone feels like they are pushing on me after a very short period of time. I also hate they can't take care of themselves...hungry, hot, uncomfortable, tired...go the f**k home and take care of it. whoops

happymusic
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Feb 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,165
Location: still in ninja land

12 Jul 2010, 1:21 pm

alone wrote:

If I do anything with someone and then they try to add something like, go get some food, I freak out because I don't even know why they don't want to get away. I hate that, hate it when they won't go away, or drag out goodbyes. I don't like people much at all...not anyone...everyone feels like they are pushing on me after a very short period of time. I also hate they can't take care of themselves...hungry, hot, uncomfortable, tired...go the f**k home and take care of it. whoops

My god, exactly. When they try to add on something it really causes me a great deal of uneasiness. I just want to stick to the plan so I can understand what to expect.

I know an older gentleman, the old fashioned southern kind who's incredibly well mannered and well spoken and all that. Anyway, he has this way of ending engagements with the utmost tact, yet he's firm at the same time. I haven't gotten it down, but it's something I admire - he looks at the clock and says something like, "My dear, your company has been lovely, but the time has come for me to do ______. Maybe we can get together at a later date and continue our conversation." He gives the impression that he has a particular schedule and goes to show his guest to the door. It's perfect. I have to figure out how he does it with such grace. Any ideas?

Fo-Rum
Velociraptor

Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 435

12 Jul 2010, 8:13 pm

liveandletdie wrote:

I have never met any aspies that I have become friends with seems like, where does one meat aspies for friends? >< Where I live there are no groups to meet up with =/ and it seems pretty bleek as far as finding people to relate to thus far. How did you meet your friends that you relate to so well?

Most of my friends are from my childhood. The two I prefer to hang out with, I met in the 6th grade, which just happens to be the same grade I started to actually KEEP friends. These two haven't been diagnosed with AS.

Before that, I couldn't make and keep friends.

_________________
Permanently inane.

Kiseki
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,604
Location: Osaka JP

12 Jul 2010, 8:15 pm

It really depends on the friends. The friends I have I don't mind a full day with (I mean like 8 hrs.). After that I NEED to go home and really get antsy to leave.

charade
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 24 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

12 Jul 2010, 9:01 pm

I can only stand 2-3 hours until I wish I was alone. I tend to avoid social interaction all together, but when it's necessary, or polite, 2-3 hours is when I start to drop off.

Similarly to OP, I get very frustrated when I'm with certain groups of friends-- especially the ones who don't mull over things as long or as intensely as I do. For example, if I start talking about the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill with some of my friends from work, they might say something like "Yep, it's terrible." That's frustrating for me, because I'll want to talk about the new ships they are using in the gulf to clean the oil, recent progress on the relief drilling, and BP shares. So then I end up just telling them everything I know, because it will be on my mind, making the conversation one-sided, and tiring myself out. In the end, they usually think I'm some sort of genius, or a pretentious a**hole when I'm not. I just like to engage with the world around me actively, and I wish my friends would do more of the same. Doesn't help that I'm a girl either. I mean, I get excited about quality, clump-free mascara too, but not enough to talk about it at length over coffee.

Last edited by charade on 12 Jul 2010, 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

liveandletdie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 903

12 Jul 2010, 10:17 pm

Fo-Rum wrote:

liveandletdie wrote:

I find that my oldest friends are whom I can hang out with for a long time...maybe 4 hours with them. They are not NT's, not sure what they would be but not NT's I dont think. They are actually my brothers friends from elementary, and since I would do everything with my brother when I was a kid they were also my friends and we're still all friends now. I was very lucky to have my brother, I think I would be alot worse off socially if I didn't have some NT help from my brother- the coolest NT i've ever met.

_________________
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
― George Washington

liveandletdie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 903

12 Jul 2010, 10:35 pm

charade wrote:

I can only stand 2-3 hours until I wish I was alone. I tend to avoid social interaction all together, but when it's necessary, or polite, 2-3 hours is when I start to drop off.

Similarly to OP, I get very frustrated when I'm with certain groups of friends-- especially the ones who don't mull over things as long or as intensely as I do. For example, if I start talking about the Deep Horizon Oil Spill with some of my friends from work, they might say something like "Yep, it's terrible." That's frustrating for me, because I'll want to talk about the new ships they are using in the gulf to clean the oil, recent progress on the relief drilling, and BP shares. So then I end up just telling them everything I know, because it will be on my mind, making the conversation one-sided, and tiring myself out. In the end, they usually think I'm some sort of genius, or a pretentious a**hole when I'm not. I just like to engage with the world around me actively, and I wish my friends would do more of the same. Doesn't help that I'm a girl either. I mean, I get excited about quality, clump-free mascara too, but not enough to talk about it at length over coffee.

>< a girl I could talk to about the oil spill? that sounds awesome...however I bet if we sent 10 aspies over there to find a solution we'd have one in 10 days.

_________________
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
― George Washington

MONIQUEIJ
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Oct 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,353

12 Jul 2010, 10:51 pm

1 hour maybe 2

_________________
i have change for the better.

Avarice
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,067

13 Jul 2010, 7:35 am

Half an hour. Sometimes 45 minutes. Depends on the subject.

Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

13 Jul 2010, 7:56 am

Pistonhead wrote:

Depends on the friend. Most guy friends my limit is 2-3 hours, most guy friends that like to talk about cars I could talk to at least all day

Just reconfirmed this tonight :lol:

Spent from 8pm till 3am working on cars with Zack.

_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==

anneurysm
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,196
Location: la la land

13 Jul 2010, 2:23 pm

As a kid, I was unable to spend more than an hour with others: after that I'd get extremely socially overloaded. Now I can socialize for longer periods of time...but have the tendency to get overloaded if I'm hungry, tired, sick or haven't taken my meds. Instead of being the happy person I normally am, I transform into a total grouch.

_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.

Arminius
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Jan 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 322

13 Jul 2010, 6:24 pm

I am butting up against my limits with a friend right now.

liveandletdie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 903

13 Jul 2010, 10:12 pm

Arminius wrote:

I am butting up against my limits with a friend right now.

haha >< good luck

trying to decide whether I want to hang out with a friend (well i'll be working on my car while I have him stand there because he won't be much help)

probably will pick him up though, though he is an NT he's got touretts and OCD so he's not so boring/normal and i've snapped on him before so I won't have to worry if I do again. (Very rarily get angry and go crazy anymore as I've learned coping mechanism and when to end the whole fiasco)

_________________
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
― George Washington

Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Length of time you can spend with friends before exploding? Post Reply New Topic

Length of time you can spend with friends before exploding?