Anxiety and AS

Post Reply New Topic

Please get ear plugs and polarised sunglasses. It won't cure everything(I can identify with everything on your list), but I can walk into a supermarket now without bursting into tears and shaking at the front door. Complete meltdown.

Just those simple tools can help. It cuts my agitation in half.

Take care,

Mics

Thank you Mics. Yes earplugs are so helpful. I went on a plane 10 days ago and I dont know what i would have done if I hadnt brought them...

i can relate to a lot of the anxiety triggers mentioned but this one ^ all by itself can turn a tolerable situation for me into an intolerable one, quickly. or really any kind of (even subtly) hostile social environment, esp. at a job where i cannot escape it. any racist, sexist, or homophobic comments (even if made humorously without intention to offend); any gossip, rumors, or voiced dislike of other people in the environment; any teasing that i don't understand whether or not there is real hostility behind. there is a quick downward spiral for me from this sort of group dynamic - first i try to make sense of who is participating, and who is not (and sometimes i actually express my distaste for the conversation, which doesn't help but simply hurries the process along); second i give that up and start to withdraw; third i ponder what i might have done to elicit anyone's hatred, and what negativity might be directed at me of which i am unaware; then more pondering (why is it ok to be so hateful? why wasn't it ok that i said something?? why doesn't anyone ever agree with me?) and more withdrawal, and often this ends with a terrible outburst the second anyone tries to speak to me (which often by then is an accusation that i am being hateful by not participating).

this is how a little bit of anxiety can turn into a meltdown, at least for me. i find most people very mean, and although i realize it is probably more to do with my inability to read them properly (or make sense of normal teasing and similar), knowing it does nothing to alleviate it. this scenario is a meltdown producer for me every single time, and has cost me jobs. i find myself in this bind: learn to act like them or be hated, neither of which i can manage on top of my job responsibilities. so i try to narrow my focus: just do your job .. but it does not work.




daydreaming / spacing out = my main coping mechanisms. completely necessary, even if i do sometimes do something dangerous like walk out into the middle of the street.

btw there is a book called Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety (link). Maybe someone will find it helpful. you can look through the table of contents via that link.

What you've described re: gossip and the social interaction in work environments is bang on. It's a minefield and I sincerely abhor it. I'm off work at the moment, but I'm going to be extremely picky and careful about the environment I choose to work in when I do go back. At this point in my life, I'm drawing the line at dealing with the horses**t anymore. Then when I have enough clients, I'll work from home - no co-workers..YES!

What's so hypocritical and laughable to me is that the usual advice you hear and read is to just politely decline to participate in workplace gossip and all should be hunky dorey for you. HA! Yeah right. As if. Gossip is ALL that happens. The entire NT work environment is one of social gamesmanship and scheming manouvering. I liken it to living in a 21st century Hamlet and good luck to anyone who just wants to do their job. If you do not participate, you become the enemy and the scapegoat.

This is also why I will not work in a place with too many women. They are worse than men.

Thanks for the book referral. I'm going to check that out.

The book does look interesting..

Anyway yes workplaces can be toxic if they are not a good social fit for someone... I think it really matters as much in many ways who you work with as what you are doing. i think people with AS can find themselves working with people who have the opposite values to them.


But yeah, i think this thread is making me think a lot. I am trying to pinpoint all the things in my life i am anxious over and all the little stress triggers I have. I am realising just how many little triggers there are that have just kind of built up over the years, changing me and my way of thinking until i am unable to recognise the values i had when i was younger.

the values I had were perfectly ok, I am now realising, but people were always having a go at me because I was either thinking of myself and not them, or acting in a way that was socially weird, and people thought I should change myself and my behviours.

I was diagnosed with GAD before AS. I also had one psychologist mention OCD several times, but I am sure that that is not me. OCPD fits pretty well though. I experience a sort of thinking 'too hard' about everything, maybe some slight paranoia, and well...general anxiety. And one or two phobias. I'm unsure as to whether I experience social anxiety or not. My peers would say so, but they really don't understand psychological stuff in general so their opinions aren't very valuable

I've talked to a variation of psychologists, neuropsychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists and I don't find them useful. I take a daily anxiety med which is somewhat helpful. I've been given prescriptions such as valium, xanax, etc and they just make me feel unnatural so I don't take them for anxiety...maybe for sleep.

Something I see as a possible problem is that I don't recognize anxiety. Often someone will point out that I'm worrying excessively over something and I wouldn't have thought that in the least...I would see it as appropriate for the situation. I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem.

I get what you mean. I do not see it as worry, it is more data processing. As soon as it is resolved in my own head to MY satisfaction, I discontinue thinking about it. But an issue will stay on a continuous loop until resolved. This could be interpreted as "worry" to an outsider.

Mics

I DO get anxiety attacks from time to time, but I don't think they are triggered by social/sensory things. Then again, I don't know.

The first time I had one was after smoking with my friends (not cigarettes). That was utterly frightening, felt like I was gonna die, I was speaking crazily about God, and the effects lasted a good week after.

The second time was due to my chronic costochondritis. Basically the constant pain would trigger attacks whenever I left the house. I was out of work for like a month.

The third time was on the airplane to come to Japan. I really can't stand the claustroiphobic nature of planes, pluys I was thinking WTH are you doing moving to Japan?

Perhaps Aspies are predispositioned to be more sensitive? I know my body is hypersensitive to foods and drugs. I can't even drink coffee. I also tend to think about things far more than they need to be thought about. When I was a kid my biggest worry was that my parents would die and leave me alone. I had no reason to be worried about that.

I am taking a little holiday from my anxiety with Clonactil at night and diazepam during the day. It switches off the anxiety, and also some ability to concentrate.

@ zen_mistress

Your OP struck a chord with me, although my level of anxiety is not as severe. I am in a job in which is beneath my abilities, but sometimes pushes the envelope of my ability to cope with the stress of the situations you describe. I have been in this job for many years. The duties of my position have changed over the years, but so far have not caused me to have to quit. I work in retail sales. After a certain number of years, it was decided that everyone in my store should be able to work the cash registers. This also involves answering the phone and add-on selling simultaneously. I avoided this duty for a long time, but that turned out to be more stressful than just doing it when needed.

I think the key to your ability to go back to the workplace might be a job in which you employer knows about your ASD. Otherwise, a large part of your stress would be your inability to explain why you can't multitask, etc. I have not told my employers (I am not DX'd) but I did explain that I get "nervous" when asked to do certain duties which require multitasking. They have not excused me from those duties, but communicating about the situation seemed to make a big difference. They now know that I am not simply shirking my duties due to laziness. They only ask me to work the registers when really needed, and usually for short periods. If your employers knew about your ASD, they could decide if your limitations would be acceptable and maybe assign different duties.

Yes, I worked in a shop when I was younger. I had a lot of difficulty with the cash register, I was very slow to do my transactions and kept forgetting to get the change, or would forget an important step of the transaction. I used to try and feel very stressed when I was doing things like this so I could stay focused. If I relaxed I would just make mistakes.

I regret this now. I wish I hadnt gone down that road as now I can barely relax at all. But I didnt know what was wrong with me then and I had noone to turn to who understood. I was just seen as absent minded and incompetent.

I am not sure what I will do if I do get back to work. All I know is that I will do things differenyly. I will work within my abilities. I wil not let myself be put under pressure. But I am not sure what this magical job will be where I can actually work in without any of these problems happening. And the workplaces in my country are not so understanding about stuff like this.

Although I don't have a job, so this doesn't happen to me at work, the exact same thing happened to me whenever I've tried to be in a social group, which I've attempted only twice in the last 20 years, and both times it ended so stressfully and horribly that the incidents still haunt me even though one happened 10 years ago, and one happened almost 3 years ago (but I am still friendly with some people in that community, so it keeps coming back). My main problem is trying to figure out how I can put these things behind me. I cry about them all the time -- it's like I'm in permanent meltdown mode when it comes to those incidents. If they cross my mind, I start crying. (If anyone has any suggestions... my therapist has been zero help.)

I can't understand why people are so mean either,and why it's not okay to call them on it or even mention it. It's like it's okay to do terrible things, but if you mention that someone did a terrible thing you are the monster.

Perhaps it's presumptuous of me, but I don't think it's my inability to read them properly. I think they really are being as horrible as they seem. My inability is being unable to understand why it's okay for people to be so mean, and why no one even remarks on it or thinks it's any big deal.

I would do some searches on WP about good jobs for those on the ASD spectrum. Offhand, I would think some jobs, like retrieving shopping carts for Walmart would have some advantages. Your mind is free to think about anything while you do your job. You might hate a job like that, but I know one person who has done it for a long time, and I think he sticks with it because of that. He is very intelligent, but works to live, he doesn't live to work. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off doing that.

Thanks for the suggestion. Despite my ineffectualness, i have attempted many types of menial work similar to that, and nearly gone insane in the process. It seems that having aspergers means that I am confined to the very jobs i am the worst at, and hate the most... Also, I need a high level of mental stimulation otherwise I become a very crazy version of myself.

@ zen_mistress-

I understand. Good luck in your search. I know I have had some jobs in the past which allowed some creativity. Those jobs were more stimulating, but of course, more stressful. I hope you find a job which gives you a balance of factors.

God I'm about to cry.

I'm afraid of ticket machines, especially ones I don't know yet. That is, I am not afraid of the machines. I can manage just fine if I keep my mind clear and look through the possibilities. But I am afraid people might come and wait in a cue, which makes me nervous; and I am even more afraid of somebody trying to help me to get the ticket.
I'm afraid of telephones. That is, I am afraid of somebody else than the one I expect answering the phone, and me not changing gears fast enough. Also afraid of answering machines for the same reason. (I'm bad at recognizing voices, too.)
I can find my way around super markets, but I need my ipod set at a volume where I can hear people near to me, but don't have to hear anyone who might not suddenly attack me - er, address me. Also, music keep the part of mind mind that usually goes off daydreaming grounded, in a way. I still do daydream, but I don't get lost in my daydreams. (Ear plugs have the downside that you can hear your own heart beat which isn't so great when you already are used to being overly anxious)
Same goes for every place with a lot of people.

Funnily enough - my fear, which is mostly the fear of not being able to react appropiately (or even act!), of not being able to change plans when they need to be changed, the fear of suddenly being in situations I had no idea I was getting myself into ... is pretty irrational by itself. The problem aren't the mistakes, but the nervosity these mistakes invoke in me, and which overloads my poor out-of-tact brain which leads to more mistakes.
I'm good at learning facts, and I am bad at learning procedures. Both my fact-learning as my procedure-learning are still normal, but the combination is somewhat unusual. In school, fact-learning set the standard. I think I never learnt to also set a standard for my procedural learning, let alone defend my right to learn at my own pace.

Funnily enough I can function under sudden, short-term high stress, but I can not function under permanent moderate stress. That is to say, I believe that most people can't function well under permanent stress, but they do a better job at pretending.


I'm ranting, haha.
Let me try to list things that helped my anxiety levels, or that I want to try out

*reducing current stressors
That can be things like too much sensory input, fluctuating blood sugar levels, fatigue
*reduce general stress levels
meditation, exercise, the habit of taking breaks
*mind games
I don't know how else to put it; when my learned anxiety kicks in like at the dentist's, I go to the toilet and jump up and down until I'm out of breath. It works. I can attest my anxiety smyptoms to the exercise, and I wouldn't be surprised if it somehow makes the counteragents to the hormones that are active when you're stressed kick in. (I really need to read up on that topic, but I think stress physiologically is a state of high attendance to ensure that you can react in dangerous situations)
*learn how to reduce social stress (but how?)
Like in my fear of 'helpful people', it would be a good skill to be able to say calmly 'please let me try this alone, I have to learn to do this myself' and not just blank out. And to ask other people not to talk to you while you're concentrating. Of course there are situations when one can't request things like that, but there also are situations where one can.
*deal with the internal stressors (but how?)
perfectionism, thoughts like my wonderful belief that I have to be better at everything than everyone else is, so that I can avoid criticism

I'm currently in this wonderful catch-22 situation that I skipped out of school when I was on my lowest, now only can take on or learn jobs that demand too little from me intellectually but too much in terms of filtering and frustration tolerance; and to be able to go to adult education classes I have to take on such a job (or be rich and go to a private school, haha.)