Why do we show emotion differently?

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Ah, i think i get it. It seems like you've put a lot of thought into how your thought processes work.

The way our brain works I guess.

There's some NT hate in this thread..
In a way, I think it's deserved.

To explain the NT side of it,
The way I see it, as an NT, my brain is wired to do a lot of emotional 'checks'. There's a constant back and forth of "are you ok", "i'm ok", "are you ok", "i'm ok" - it's embedded in every line of conversation, every facial expression, every body gesture. I think of it like a flock of birds. As one bird moves, the whole flock moves with it. If one bird in that flock is independent and is able to act out, the whole flock loses its formation.
Maybe NT brains are wired this way because it's evolution's way of trying out a bird-like behaviour system on humans, wheras AS brains are wired more like that of cats and squirrels.

When I see someone with a facial expression that means 'I'm not ok' to me, my brain makes me NEED an explanation, especially if it's someone close to me. And if that expression turns out to be a false alarm, I feel that person is responsible for communicating the wrong emotion to me. At worst, it feels threatening to me because I am not able to have an emotional connection with that person. This makes me resentful of this person.

Now that I know that with AS people their facial expression isn't necessary reflective of their feelings or their intention, I'm able to control my gut reactions much better. But there is very little education on AS out there, and the learning takes a lot of work because it is not something that feels natural to NTs. The fundamental problem is that this society has stopped putting an emphasis on controlling feelings, and let us NTs run wild with it. It wasn't always like this. For example, Greek Stoics believed in having a tight control on emotions. I do think every NT should take a course on understanding the AS brain so we can learn to emphathize with AS people without relying on emotional communication.

I used to get presents taken away from me because I 'obviously didn't want them'. I really hate having to force a facial expression just so other people don't think I'm a rigid b*tch.

If someone I know is murdered and I'm implicated in the crime, I'll be screwed. :-\

I don't know why. But, sometimes, when I'm exhausted due to something extremely stressful occuring that day, my parents will go and ask, are you depressed? And the next day, after I wake up, when I'm back to what is "normal" for me, my parents will say; "I think you were depressed yesterday." Grr.

Then, there are times in which my parents have told me to "lighten up a bit". I have never understood what they mean by that, and people are constantly asking me what's wrong, or why am I sad/upset/angry/ apathetic all the time.
Have never been able to explain what I feel to others, and have never understood what they mean when they say that I take things "too seriously".

Yea. Apparently I'm hard to read. My inner world is quite emotional but in social situations I feel quite forced and wooden. It takes a lot of effort to force a smile in front of people.

In another thread I made a point about the distinction between intentional emotion and spontaneous emotion. I think intentional emotion is what we tend to see in NT behavior as "acting". It's a willful communication of emotions, thoughts, and intentions through body language rather than largely involuntary spontaneous displays.

I do get reactions like that from my mom. It's gotten better since I picked up the habit of later explaining what I was doing. Like that I had to put on music to blast over the outside noise because I just couldn't process language any more.

The reasons why I do not always show the emotion somebody expects from me are
*I don't know how I feel
*I know how I feel but if I were to show it, it would become an outburst
*I don't know whether and how you're supposed to display the emotion in question

Good god these comments hit a key. Wow! I was married for 10 years and we got into nasty fights the past 5 years. I always got the :"What's WRong, why are you angry" People in general in public stay clear of me because I always look mad. I can show emotion in my face, but I have to be in the right mood and those moods are usually caffeine highs. People think I'm Cold and heartless. I have trouble consoling my sons when they get hurt. I'm just usually thinking or saying " Quit Crying your fine" My routine is soooo defined that if it's broken I start to panic and get stressed. I do not like my routine changed.

I find myself very into Hard Rock music. I just Feel it! Most of the time I don't have much feeling, but when I listen to music I can find it. My wife left me to become gay. While we were still married she asked me permission to go see her gf in Chicago. I knew they would have sex. I knew it was over for me and I let her go and I didn't cry or have any hard feeling until a week later. And even so it was short. but now I'm thinking that No one will ever fall in love with me ever again. I fear I will not have sex for a long long long time. (Typical guy thoughts I know) ha ha ha! But I'm just not confident. Never have been. I can lure women in on personals online, but they usually scamper away after a few emails. And now I'm so broken and hurt I just don't even know if I can have feelings for anyone. I know I'm wrong, but lately I'd rather spend all day on the computer doing nothing becaue it's my comfort zone. I HATE my comfort zone. I really need to force myself out, but I don't have any friends either and when I go out alone, I feel like I'm in peoples way or that people are looking at me thinking I'm a criminal or going to do something illegal. People are always looking at me like that, because I just have this shy nervous thing in public.

But my ex wife knows about aspies because our son was diagnosed, But I just cannot explain to her in any way shape or form in a way that she can understand what it's like. She just thinks I'm depressed and not trying. I don't want to try, because I have tried and I get nowhere fast.

This is a part of AS I don't seem to have. I'm good with expressing my feelings and emotions. In fact, it's a bit extreme for me, because if I'm feeling frustrated in public, I will make a correct face to show that I'm frustrated, or if I'm feeling happy or excited I can put on a correct face to show I am happy. Also, I don't speak in monotone.

It's the anxiety part of AS which I suffer with the most.

I think I mainly express emotions by saying something. If I'm happy, I'll talk about a special interest a lot, or things I notice around me and patterns I see. If I'm feeling neutral I only really talk when people speak to me. When I'm upset, I either don't speak at all, or I rant on and on.

I used to have tantrums as a kid when I was being bullied. I'd grind my teeth, clench my fist, jump up and down, etc. It probably looked hilarious to an immature sense of humour, so that was the game at school - to get me angry. I learned not to do that as I grew older. The only problem is now I don't know what to do when I'm upset, instead. I mostly just shut down these days.

I am very monotone naturally, but over the course of the past three decades I have learned to add inflection into my speech so as to sound a little more "normal". I most definitely come off as flat and am certain I do not reflect my emotions through nonverbal ways very well. But when I was little, my mother taught me that a smile is contagious and it makes others smile (which is an extension of happiness) and I took this as an important thing to do so I grew up smiling all the time. Even if I am not happy, I'm usually smiling and I guess people do not feel threatened by my awkwardness because I seem nice due to my pleasant facial expression. There have been several instances where someone was creeped out by my excessive smiling but those are few and far between. I've gotten the nickname "Smiley guy" and "The Joker" from people in the past but these names never seemed mean in their intentions. I have gotten into trouble with my wife during heated arguments for smiling inappropriately but thankfully, since my diagnosis, she now understands to take these instances with a grain of salt (whatever that means).

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