NTs, why are you here?

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First, note the smiley in the 2nd post in this thread. I take that to mean it's not really intended as telling the NTs here to go away.

And, I really don't think there are NTs here who are here for any other reason other than to understand autism, because of knowing people with autism, or at least, if not someone diagnosed, someone with autistic traits.

I have a problem with many NT's due to my separation disorder from my mother when I was born. Its made me untrusting of the majority of people and those that I do trust, I seek to control. By and large, its working.

Who here is an NT? I didn't think there was any here accept a couple.

Yes and no. On a parenting board created away from an AS community you are not likely to ever, EVER, have someone who has lived with the condition tell you exactly what it feels like from their side, and that information is INVALUABLE. I would not have known my son NEEDED to pace to self calm if someone WITH AS had not told me that. I would not have thought to hand him straws to chew on and would not have understood the link between that stim and his ability to think clearly if someone with AS had not told me so. On other parenting boards you can learn a lot about how PARENTS feel about therapies and methods, and what whole myriad they have tried, but you will NOT learn how the AS CHILD might feel. THAT only people like you can tell us, and your story is often quite different from what we hear ANYWHERE else.

Which leads me to ask, again, what is the priority for you? Is the ability to make life infinitely better for the next generation of Aspies worth a little discomfort having to share? Or, is it not? As a moderator here, it is, to me, a serious question. I know this is your place, and not mine.

As a practical matter - I suspect the site owner likes the traffic anyway he can get it, so no way he is going to discourage anyone from joining and participating. Still, in many ways my job is to side with the membership and direct the community in ways that serve the community it has created best. So, I like to know.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 19 Jul 2010, 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

*waves and grins like a little kid*

HI NORMALS!

Well-said!
I actually love the fact that neurotypicals are welcome (by most) here. Those who don't welcome them, or NTs who don't respect the purpose of this site, really need to leave... And though the NTs are (obviously) quite outnumbered, the ones that I've seen here so far are just here to try to understand their spouse/partner/child, etc. and get advice from people who may have the same problems their spouse/partner/child, etc. may have... and/or they just want to learn more about the way we think.

oh yeah, never noticed that. *goes back to edit*

I'm sure NTs would go with the majority if you did a simple poll. NTs wanted or not.

"Unsure of my own spectrum status" would be the reason. I am neurodiverse in some fashion, and identify with people who ARE on the spectrum to varying extents, but whether that diversity goes as far as to put me on the spectrum or not...not sure.

Whether or not you want to count me as NT or not, based on the info in my sig, is up to you.

^ Me too. <'K, just wrote a lengthy eloquent philanthropic essay on Pg 1..... >

Then, with all objectivity, I think there may have been some misintepretation here, ironically due to differences in neuropathy (i.e., ASD vs. NT) in how we interpret. The point: OP opines Why might NTs post &/or join? Then gives a poll. This is a very good and legitimate question! A question of genuine curiosity; just asking why. Then, some may interpret the query as "Then, is OP saying I should not post here? I'm just as worthy to post as anybody else." Which is indeed correct. However, the premise was missed a bit.....it was merely a question wondering what reasons, like if you have a family member, for research, etc. Then, some others (ASD individuals) I do know, and like, posted in fun, that is, with cute emoticons and pics, to elaborate on the theme. But it's not an imposition or judgmental question, per se. In fact, I think it's a gesture of friendship.

One here does not like....OK, and that's his opinion.

One problem or difference that I do sometimes have with NTs is this very dilemma; they take what I say/write as if it's oppositional which is certainly not the case. See what I mean?

One example (innocuous, but illustrative): I attended a local 'group' for Autism - mostly with just NT parents. I really did not fit in, at all! And the difference was gaping. But there was one Aspie there (whom I do like). I do stim (some) and noticably. The parents, ironically, had been talking about stimming (and why it's bad, stop them, blah blah blah). I did write, with genuine honesty, "Is my stimming bothersome to you? Or instrusive?" I asked because I was curious. With no emotion. As a query to them, to investigate the matter.

What I got back: The parents were edgy, expressing that I was somehow defiant (no). Thankfully, the other Aspie said, in effect, "It's just a question! Exploratory." Yes! See the difference? I know sometimes Aspies ask.....but it's what we do! We are a curious people. Those questions are not necessarily trying to make another defensive/upset. Then, worse, we may not really understand why given NT is upset, and with us personally! Really this is a difference in interpretation and style of thought. And this is precisely why it's very good we have NTs on board. Even though we might give them a headache at times. And they hurt our feelings.

Then, the other Aspie at this meeting did point out that, to us, stimming is good. Stimming serves a purpose and it's calming, like nothing else. In fact, I can get positively lost in stimming. Then, at meeting, I did instruct that stimming (Self Stimulatory Repetitive Movement) propogates a rush of oxytocin, the hormone of love/bonding. [factoid - that is what stimming does; it's love.]

Those parent did not know. Although some stimming can be disruptive (in extreme cases!) or draw unwanted attention (which then may need to be addressed), it does fulfill a real sensory need, like DW_a_mom stated above. Even stimming, which is natural to us, can be misinterpreted by the "normal" population, and unfortunately even medical providers. But love/bonding is oftentimes what ASD individuals are missing - and may be why we don't bond so well. Instead, we manufacture that oxytocin manually.

Stimming feels like drinking warm soup and it flows. Maybe NTs need to know that sort-of thing and that's why they are here. Plus, then they teach us about emotive stuff.

So, wasn't that a fascinating story of Sister Viktorine?

Note: Currently 79% said they are Autistic & want to know the results (I'm in this category too). I am curious sometimes - I'd guess they have a family member (mostly), they're a paid researcher, or they think Aspies are hot and like to watch us in action (so I tell myself) - kidding, sort-of . In fact, one NT (that I very much like!) said once they posted here for help on math homework - that's legit. I'm inclined. Those reasons are interesting to us.

Nostaglia......One famed NT, OK if I give his name? Dr. Ed Ritvo (UCLA) is (or was....heh heh) a member, briefly. I lambasted him and hard. Dr. Ed was postively rude and out-of-line with all of us. Also lost. Granted, he *may* be a good doctor (read some of his stuff though - don't know) but I don't much like him, personally. Then, his wife (yes, Mrs. Ritvo) actually emailed me. I have bragged about his.....almost banned Dr. Ritvo. He and I were on a first name basis too (Eddie 'n the Lab Pet). Dang.

If we kick out people without autism (I don't like "Aspie" and "NT" because it implies an us vs. them ideology), we're no better than those who don't allow us to participate. This place should be for everyone, both autistic and not, and people should be allowed to believe as they choose without ever getting bashed.

I don't mind if NTs post here. It's a free world. Everybody's welcome, as long as they don't set out, to cause trouble.

The NTs are welcome to come! We can gain a lot from free exchange of knowledge!

That said, I do hope the board never becomes mostly NT.

Neither do I, but remember that it's a double-edged sword. There are plenty of people with ASDs who snobbishly stereotype NTs. I don't know about everyone else, but I consider it just as bad.

You're right though, we don't get many (openly) prejudiced NTs. The NT people I've seen on here have generally conducted themselves in a manner that suggests we are equals in status, and simply want to learn and share about each others different perspectives.

Editing what I say, hmm?

Not on purpose!