Why do people not understand when you explain AS
I think it boils down to experience. Most people just don't understand much of anything unless they've had some personal experience associated with it. In the case of autism, if someone has never personally known someone with any kind of neurological difference, if they aren't interested in neuroscience, psychology... in some kind of relatable to autism subject matter then when you try to explain who you are it just doesn't truly compute.
You can say the words, but without experience or a genuince interest/curiousity, the words go in one ear and out the other.
Now, I don't mean to harp on this but I am also wondering if you wouldn't mind elaborating on just a few details about your behavior on that date. This person sounds like a ninny, a sheltered person who is very mainstream and not exposed to a variety of people. Makes me wonder what your interest in her was. But anyway, I'm wondering because I'm curious, sorry.
Or, is it just so textbook?
_________________
"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." -Basho
For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizarre, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeah, sure".
Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.
Either you did something a whole hell of a lot more bizarre than you thought, or she is shallow and unforgiving, or a combination of both.
That's what I was thinking.
_________________
If songs were lines in a conversation, the situation would be fine.
I have a NT friend who gets pissed when I tell people I have Aspergers. He keeps saying come on man, they're going to think your crazy.
_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson
Okay, I've read subsequent posts and still can't be very supportive. I'll guarantee that JohnnyD didn't go into details because he very likely acted like a douche, and then after he subjected the poor girl to his behavior, he thought he would pull out out his Aspergers license and that would make it all okay.
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
_________________
"If you can't call someone else an idiot, then you are obviously not very good at what you do."
Last edited by dyingofpoetry on 23 Jul 2010, 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
To the OP: you have started several threads recently about how other people are jerks and no one wants to be with you. I understand your frustration and anger, and I know many of us have been in similar situations, and you are right that it isn't fair, but at this point what you need to figure out is how to deal with your own frustration and anger.
You are not going to be able to connect with anyone in the mental and emotional state you are in right now. Make an appointment to see a therapist first, before you put yourself in another situation that will only add to your frustration.
I hope you can turn this around soon. There is hope. Best wishes to you.
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
For instance I knew this girl casually for a while, and one day we went out on a date (sort of). Of course I acted sort of bizarre, and I could see she was put off. I explained after that I had aspergers, why I acted the way I did, and would like to remain friends if possible. She said something along the lines of "ummm yeah, sure".
Later I found out, EVEN AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HER WHY I ACTED HOW I DID, she still thought I was a "weird serial killer". Her friend let it slip to me how she really felt, after I never heard from her again.
Either you did something a whole hell of a lot more bizarre than you thought, or she is shallow and unforgiving, or a combination of both.
That's what I was thinking.
Are you 2 NT's or something? You both seem a bit confused. Let me explain: People with AS have trouble in social situations. People think we are weird.
Understand now? Or do I need to break it down a bit more for you? I didnt do anything that any other Aspie would do. I was somewhat awkward and quiet I guess. OK?
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
Why do you have this idea I "misbehaved"? I acted a bit awkward and you are posting that I acted like a douche. Is there something wrong with you? What gave you this idea I acted like a douche? Man, people like you need to stop and think for once.
Last edited by johnnydangerous on 23 Jul 2010, 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
I was, in fact, being kind by calling it "inappropriate." The OP actually used the phrase "I acted sort of bizzare." Look up "bizarre" in your Merriam-Webster. Asperger's isn't an excuse for that either.
_________________
"If you can't call someone else an idiot, then you are obviously not very good at what you do."
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
I was, in fact, being kind by calling it "inappropriate." The OP actually used the phrase "I acted sort of bizzare." Look up "bizarre" in your Merriam-Webster. Asperger's isn't an excuse for that either.
Dude you need to shut up, seriously. You dont know much about aspergers, do you? To an NT we are indeed, bizzare. Read up on AS and you might understand a bit better.
conundrum
Veteran

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
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Location: third rock from one of many suns
The girl was a douche.
Period.
You're better off that she didn't call you back.
Many people simply DON'T GET IT.
The world sucks sometimes.
And no, none of this is sarcastic, nor am I being dismissive.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
I was, in fact, being kind by calling it "inappropriate." The OP actually used the phrase "I acted sort of bizzare." Look up "bizarre" in your Merriam-Webster. Asperger's isn't an excuse for that either.
In MY dictionary version it says "Conspicuously or grossly unconventional or unusual". People with AS are unusual, and also sometimes use words without knowing their meaning so I have read. Maybe bizarre wasn't the right word.
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
I was, in fact, being kind by calling it "inappropriate." The OP actually used the phrase "I acted sort of bizzare." Look up "bizarre" in your Merriam-Webster. Asperger's isn't an excuse for that either.
Dude you need to shut up, seriously. You dont know much about aspergers, do you? To an NT we are indeed, bizzare. Read up on AS and you might understand a bit better.
My dear boy, my sweet foolish boy, you don't know to whom you are speaking.
_________________
"If you can't call someone else an idiot, then you are obviously not very good at what you do."
If so, it's perfectly understandable that she acted like she did. She doesn't need to be shallow or intolerant. She's only needs to be someone who likes to be treated nicely by a nice guy. Instead, she got inappropriate behavior and an excuse that she is under no obligation to understand. Is this girl his parent or closest friend? Those are the people who SHOULD understand Aspergers. Everyone else only understands how we behave with them and whether autistics or NTs, we expect good behavior from people and we, in turn, realize that we need to behave well ourselves.
The problem with Aspergians is that we often have difficulty knowing what that good behavior is, but we learn much through trial and error. Does everyone honestly believe that the fault lies in everyone else in the world if they won't put up with our crap?
How about just an apology? Instead of using Asperger's as a shield, I say, "I'm very sorry I acted that way, it was wrong."
The part about my having Asperger's is no one's business but those closest to me.
uhm. How is awkwardness inappropriate behavior? Some people are shallow, and see any kind of disorder as "crazy serial killer". There's no indication in his post that I seen that showed that he behaved inappropriately.
I was, in fact, being kind by calling it "inappropriate." The OP actually used the phrase "I acted sort of bizzare." Look up "bizarre" in your Merriam-Webster. Asperger's isn't an excuse for that either.
In MY dictionary version it says "Conspicuously or grossly unconventional or unusual". People with AS are unusual, and also sometimes use words without knowing their meaning so I have read. Maybe bizarre wasn't the right word.
Thank you for defending me. I'm not sure what "dyingofpoetry" is talking about. I thought I explained myself fairly clearly, but he apparently didnt understand. He needed further explanation. Not sure what other details he was looking for, but basically I just acted like someone who has AS. Apparently, dyingofpoetry doesnt understand NT's find our behavior odd, so he thinks I mustve acted out in some other that I'm "hiding". Weird. He's not worth replying to anymore.
The girl was a douche.
Period.
You're better off that she didn't call you back.
Many people simply DON'T GET IT.
The world sucks sometimes.
And no, none of this is sarcastic, nor am I being dismissive.
Thanks. she was indeed, a douchebag. Very shallow person.
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