The most inappropriate affect possible

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I never show externally any emotions when others expect this from me (nor do I, to be completely honest, feel them - at least not to this extent as the normal do when facing a similar situation) - I'm like a wax statue not a human then. For example I never feel in any manner sad, upset etc. after the death of the people I knew, regardless of what I felt for them. Yesterday I heard my mother talk to our relatives that when I was an adolescent, she didn't particularly fancy the thought about my spending summer holidays with my grandma because she was an elderly person and what if she happened to suddenly die - I would, in the most literal meaning of this phrase, get ILL with worry if she died and it was me who would find her - especially at night, when I would be forced to spend the whole night with the dead body (the farm was far from any other neighbors and going outside alone to call any help at night would be too dangerous so I would have to wait for the morning) - yes, such an experience would result in my long illness because of the shock, according to my poor mother And the truth is that when grandma died a couple of years later, I wasn't affected at all - it was just water off a duck's back to me. My mother doesn't seem to know me at all

yes, grinning or laughing is the response that happens to me anytime some type of emotional interaction is supposed to be occurring. IE someone is very upset at me. It's as if my brain is actually amused by the very out of the ordinary tone and pace that suddenly overtakes the person who is snapping at me. Do I want to be laughing? Not really, but it makes it worse than it ever would have been....