How do you cope in public?

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I'm pretty sure a professional would say I have agoraphobia. I don't like large crowds - even if it's a bunch of people I know. For the lack of a better way to say it, I feel lost in a crowd. If I go to a major shopping mall like the one near where I live, I have to mentally block out the crowds and the noise - it is a major stressor...people wandering aimlessly about the aisles bumping into you or even crossing you path; walking slowwwwwly. I usually go to the main department store to look for clothes. If I'm going to Lenscrafters, I go to the entrance nearest the store to enter and exit.

I do not like going to places with large crowds, like concerts and such. Amusement parks are okay, but I prefer to go on days I know the park won't be packed.

Crowded theaters???? Nope.

Parades???? Nope.

Airport???? Okay because I can always find a place to be alone, but I get spooked in security and uncomfortable in large food courts!

I can...but i'm essentially a non-entity in public (and in general.) I never initiate conversations with people, never smile, rarely make eye contact, etc...I just quietly go about my business and don't do anything which would draw attention to myself. If somebody tries to initiate conversation with me, I try to extricate (in a polite and subtle manner) myself from the conversation ASAP. I dress like alot of 18-45 y/o white males down here do (typically in shorts, t-shirts, button-downs and sandals) so there's nothing unusual about my attire (except that I often wear the same things for several days in a row...lol.) My hair is short and neat enough in appearance so it's not like that draws any attention either.

Like I always say...I would walk through this world invisible if I could.

Besides walking like a penguin I don't stick out too much.

Minding my own business, avoiding cashiers, eye contact and overly friendly strangers as much as possible.

In public my natural coping mechanism has always been to withdraw into my inside world and to gravitate toward the outer edges of the crowd.

If I'm in a social situation, I usually use my friends/family/whoever else I'm with as a crutch. Instead of having to approach new people and make small talk, I let other people do the introductions so it won't be awkward.

If I'm on my own, it's fine. Being in a crowd doesn't bother me, although I don't like being in a small place with lots of people. Usually though, I'll only be in that situation if I'm at a party or gathering at a friend's house...how much I feel like socialising depends a lot on my mood.

As long as I don't need to make complex conversations with others, I'm fine.

Well, I'm never in public alone really. Places like the library or classes, the adults or workers there have already been told of my dx.

But either way I wear sunglasses, iPod, and usually carry a favorite object. I find I have issues transitioning so for some reason it helps to walk into some place like a gasstation, and then when going to the real destination I'll be a lot more calmer and able to speak. Anyone else have that issue?

I can't cope in public because I feel people are looking at me all the time. Not only that - I sometimes feel spouts of anger inside me when there's too many people around me, and it comes to a point where I start huffing and puffing and making faces at people to indicate that I'm ''not in the mood, please go away''.

As much as I love getting the bus to work every day, I find I'm getting so irritable with people on the bus. It gets so crowded nowadays, and the bus is very small compared to other buses, and it's worse in the school holidays. When I first got this bus I never worried about who was sitting where - but now I'm always worrying about who's going to sit in the seats behind me. I don't like smelly people behind me, or foriegn people talking loud, or kids, or teenagers (especially girls).

Smelly people - because nobody likes smelly people behind them - and I mean smelly people who don't wash. This is NOT an Aspie thing, because ALL NTS don't like really smelly dirty people sitting behind them
Foriegn people - because when they speak, they don't talk, they shout. They're either yakking away on their phone, or to someone they're with. And they never come up for air!
Kids - because if they're under about 8, they always swing their feet so it hits the back of my chair, almost knocking my breath out of me (plus I have a weak heart, so if something jogs my back too hard it can cause breathing problems/irritation on my heart). But you can't tell them these days because you get their parents after you. I especially don't like toddlers behind me, because I'll just have them yelling in my ear the whole time, and they never sit still, and this will make me angry
Teenage girls - because I keep thinking they can hear my music I listen to on my MP3. Youngsters can hear and listen better than anyone, and young girls always tend to be more critical. (Sometimes I like to listen to really sad music - sometimes even nursery songs. But I will explain that in the topic ''childish interests'').

So all the while I am panicking and worrying and freting over who's going to sit behind me. It can't be doing my heart any good, but I just can't help getting all worked up and irritated inside. I can't help it.

If people leave me alone and do not lock me inside the bulding I am fine. I once had a perfume (or some kinda squirty smelly stuff) salesman pursue me and would not take no for an answer. I was terrified he was going to follow me out to the car. People following me makes me extremely uncomfortable. I filpped out my middle finger at him and fortunatly he got the message. I was afraid I was going to have to get physical and kick him in the privates or something. Another thing that agravates me is little kids who don't understand the concept of not talking to strangers. I usualy ignore them but if they keep following me, asking stupid questions I yell, "Go away, you little brat!" and they run away crying. It might seem cruel but it's better than what some pedophile would do to them. Fortunaly, I've only had my neices and nepphews try to hug me but if some strange kid came along and tried that, I might smack them. People really need to teach their kids not to approach strangers. i'm only comfortable around other people if I have my lizard with me...other wise I can't let my guard down around other people and it's impossible to function. If I have my lizard people will ask questions about her or ask if they can touch her and that helps me relax a little so I can function. She also acts as a buffer, they would notice her before they noticed my weirdness.

Last edited by PunkyKat on 31 Aug 2010, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I normally use a music player; to help me relax.

That helps me relax on the bus, but when I'm walking I rather not keep listening to my MP3 because then I don't hear what's going on around me, also I don't concentrate on where I'm going if I'm listening to my music. Although I don't like loud noises, I still think I can gain more confidence when walking if I can hear what's going on around me.

Anyway, it's only sudden loud noise I don't like. Continuous noise I can tolerate, and when I hear it out in a busy shopping centre I can filter it out more. (Except toddlers screaming - I can't filter that out even if I tried).

I find it a lot easier to cope in public when I'm with a close friend because of the distraction they serve, but when I'm alone, I cope by trying the best I can to tune everything around me out, and is also extremely hard to do sometimes.

I don't put on a NT front; never have. No desire to.

no matter what you tell yourself, you're not putting on the effective front you think you are. Your Autism shows right thru. Wanna know something that might piss you off, but it's the truth? We come off to most people about as charming as a child molestor; I know it sounds horrible, and you wonder why I'd even say it, but I'm just being honest.

No matter how much you try to "fake" it, believe me...it shows right thru.

In my mind it says just as much about everyone else as it does about me, if they react weirdly, or try to avoid me or something.

I just have fun, and not give a hang what anyone else thinks.

I just try and mind my own business, avoid eye contact, and try not to be noticeable. The last one is difficult, because as has been said, people pick up on the differences, even if you do not think they do.

Interesting question Super Ian... I'm one of the I CANers. I listen silently to what is going on around me. I also try to be visually aware of what's going on. I'm just very quiet in crowds. Some crowd situations are better than others. So sometimes I really don't mind as much as other times and I can actually enjoy the experience. But it's always nice to come home.