What aspects of your Aspergers do you hate?

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i hate it when people come to my place when they do not herald their coming beforehand.

the most recent story that is pertinent:

i have a "friend" who is a bit of a loser but he is quite smart. he thinks often in philosophical terms, and he is always in a quandary about girls he knows that he wants to become romantic with, but they do not really like him that way.

he acts out is life in a way that i never would, and i talk to him on the telephone when he rings.
in the middle of a game, the phone will ring, and it will be him and he reckons his heart is all sore and he tells me about it. i hate being interrupted from my fun with saga's that other people have.

ring ring.....ring ring.....

me: hello?
him: yeah hello mark?
me: (thinking "oh for christs sake!! ! not now!!") yes hello.
him: how are you?
me : what's the problem now?
him: err you don't have to be so unfriendly to me.
me: ok. let's start again. in what way may i serve you my lord? i shall rein in all my attention and devote it to you. what's the problem.
him: well if you are going to be a dickhead about it then i guess i won't bother.
me: oh alright. so is there a problem with the girl?
him: hmmm yeah. she's not at home.
me: how do you know that?
him: i drove past her place a few minutes ago and her car isn't there.
me: well maybe she's out.
him: of course she's f*****g out!! wake up!!
me: what?. is she not allowed to go out? you do not even know her very well, and yet you are showing signs of irrational jealousy at the fact that she has a life.
him: are you serious?!?!?! i felt her vibes and she's with someone else.
me: all she is is out and she has a right to drive her car to where she wants to be.
him: yeah.... but i feel she is with someone who she is attracted to.
me: well? so what? people usually go to where they are attracted.
him: are you trying to be a d*ckhead or is it just natural to you?
me: i guess it is natural. you don't own her, and if you are angry with her because she is living her life, then if you show that anger to her, then she will hate you.
him: can't you see? she is living a double life!! ! she is a psychopath. she presents an image to me that she's not interested in casual sex, yet she's out screwing like a rabbit.
me: you have no idea where she is, and you have jumped the gun and i think you need to calm down.
you have no proof that she is having sex with anyone.
him: i feel the vibes man!! ! wake up!! !
me: no i am sorry!! goodbye. you need medication i think. you can not trust that your "vibes" are real. you must get proof, and even if you have proof, you can not be angry because she is not your girlfriend and you have no business to involve yourself in her life and interfere with her happiness.
him: you autistic f**k!! ! wake up!
me: it is not matter of waking up. it is a matter of me not living in the same place as you......


anyway, it turned out that he needed $60 from me to pay some bills and i said yes, and he said he would come over on saturday to get it.
i did not really want him to come over because i had things i wanted to do by myself that i did not want him to be an obstacle for.

he knew i was going to be out on saturday until about 1:30pm so i told him to ring me at 4pm on saturday and i would then tell him what time he could come over.

i was at a meeting today (saturday) and it got drawn out, and i got home at 3pm.

when i pulled into my driveway his car was there with him in it, and i became enraged. he never rang me and i opened my briefcase and i plucked $60 out of it and threw it into his partially open window and told him that i did not appreciate seeing his car and him waiting for me when i got home.

he got angry with me and he said "why are you so unfriendly to me you jerk?!?!?" and i told him "there's your 60 bucks! leave me alone!!" and he drove out of my driveway vowing to settle the score later.

well i gave him money and he gave me nothing but unexpected hassles.


if i was not AS, i guess this would never have happened, and he would not be enraged about my apparent lack of compassion toward his ridiculous plight.

i just could not be bothered with his romantic imaginations and i just want to open my door and go inside and hear silence.

i love being alone so much.

now i will perform a ramble-ectomy.



.

Emotional immaturity is the one I hate the most, it has meant I have been years behind no matter what age I am.
Also being obsessive about things pisses me off to no end, yesterday I set a challenge to not talk about my special interests even though there was something I wanted to say, I had already talked about something similar that morning. I managed all day even though I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't say what I was going to. But when I went on MSN to my friend last night I just slipped up and ended up writing paragraphs and paragraphs because he asked me if the animal I wanted to see at twycross zoo next week is endagered or not (that animal would be a bonobo if you're wondering). So I ended up writing shedloads of stuff about their conservation and things like that, then wrote facts about their behaviour and so on . After I was like OH CRRRRAP! I had failed my challenge.

every.

deleted word salad.

- Socializing
-Relationships
-Being unable to find people to talk about my interests with.
-Depression
-Anxiety

Executive Dysfunction.

Having problems connecting with people and the loneisness I feel because of it.

The general acceptance by groups/persons upon initial contact, but the rejection that inevitably appears afterward. (And the self-imposed exile that I wind up seeking because of it.)

Involuntary stimming, difficulty dynamically reading body language and adjusting, being deeply uncomfortable in bars, clubs, and social events.

None of them, now that I've learned how I operate and I understand myself.

Just one.

I brux, badly (jaw clenching). And I cant stop, no matter how much I try.

Last time I had a dental x-ray taken, the dentist / oral surgeon said I had lost as much as 70% of the bone mass in places on both my upper and lower jaw. I've also broken the crowns completely off of two teeth and have 3 more that have developed cracks in the enamel.

I'd happily deal with all of my other issues for eternity, if I had to, if I could just stop clenching my teeth.

Had to change my avatar temporarily just for this post:

This thought goes through my head all the time:

"I am SO sick and tired of pretending to give a sh** about every stupid little thing everyone around me talks about, when it's mostly just meaningless bullsh** that neither they, nor I, will remember tomorrow. Shut the f*** up already!"

Ihate the free floating anxiety and the meltdowns. Mostly I hate being afraid of neurotypical people.