Wouldn't It Be Better To Have Severe AS Than Mild?

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What friends I do have tend tend to be good people, with some level of shared interest (WoW was a common thing for us . . . and to this day, they still blame me for getting them hooked ). However, I don't have constant contact with them as their lives have been complicated by personal matters. While I don't have the tendency to monologue (though I do ramble from time to time), my chatting skills are pretty much Q&A style (someone asks, I answer, etc). I also tend to keep my friends professional only (meaning what friendships I do have never leave the workplace). Rarely (if ever) will I go out with co-workers (last time I did was to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 . . . heh, I paid for my ticket in dollar coins . . . bonus points if you get this little joke).

Thanks people for the posts.
I'm 26...and my social life sucks.

My interests are more NT (Traveling/going to the beach/bodyboarding/following sports/gym/playing sports).
Problem is I have been isolated my whole life, which makes it hard to fit in with NTs as a lot of things I am rather inexperienced with (talking about sex....using a lighter...all kinds of random stuff).
NTs see me as being nice, but weird, and are unwilling to be friends with me...unless they get to boss me around, insult, and demand tribute for allowing me to be their "friend."

I tried to go to an AS club, but I really didn't fit in. The AS people there had it more severe...I could read social cues and hold a conversation a lot better, I just found myself "too" advanced there.

So basically I don't fit enough with ASers but with NTs my lifetime of being a loner turns them away unless they are sadastic.

I feel lucky, to be as I am.

I desire to have a social life.
To have friends I can go to sporting games with, the beach/skiing with, to watch football with, to go to the gym with, go out for meal, that stuff AND who will respect me not make me feel like I am inferior and need to constantly watch my P and Qs or else face being dumped.

Well.....hmmm..... it doesn't really. But if the OP's experience of a young person's AS get together was anything like mine, everybody shows up with a Nintendo DS or their PSP, and everything revolves around video games and characters. It's hard to find common ground when you're no longer a major gamer. I sometimes feel like I'm in a nether region myself with this autism business. I'm high functioning enough to feel understimulated around other people on the spectrum, but I have it enough to where NTs pick up on it. I wouldn't want it any worse than I have it though.

Obviously, you need to work at getting a social life. There's no easy answer, especially not for someone like us, that I've found...

I do find that the internet works much better, but be prepared to start out on a site dedicated to a common interest and use a pseudonym and a "disposable" email (one you'll never use for anything else ever). You'll make an utter fool of yourself and have to leave, most likely, but keep watching. It won't take more than a year or two and you can try again (someplace else entirely, with a new name and a new email). This will be rather satisfying in itself once you gain some friendships, and will give you some idea of how friendships work.

Meanwhile, you'll want to try to make friends in real life. Try joining a social skills group; at least you'll get some practice. Remember that people are watching even if they aren't talking to you. Go to social events. I haven't been all that successful here either, but I have a satisfactory social life. I think I even have one friend, maybe two, who would help me through trouble.

I would rather have mild thanks.

Lets see

Severe sensory overload and all the other problems with severe autism. Life for those people would be a living hell.

Appreciate what you've got.

Exactly. I went to an AS group...everybody there was into video games, or PC games, or anime.
A lot of them had no clue about how to act socially (I'm not perfect by far...but I mean 40 years olds acting literally as if they were an 8 year old).

I don't fit in with them...aside from having "SOME" form of AS.
My interests and desires are much more NT...but NTs pick up on it and stay the eff away from me or use my loniliness to my advantage.

I wish there was a way to meet more less severe AS people...my theory is there are either less of us or less of us have been tagged as AS or are less likely to use AS services.

I would argue a mild AS person is the most isolated and perhaps socially helpless.
Too advanced to fit in with traditional ASers, but still an AS and not good enough for NTs.

Maybe so, but that does not make their lives easier. It's just one aspect.

And if you fit in more with NTs, make friends with NTs, not all NTs are out to get you. I am high functioning and would never on my life hang around severe aspies as I have nothing in common with them. There are less sociable NTs too you know.

I am happy for you.
My experience is that either I lack the skills to "snatch and bag" a friend or NTs are usually
1) "Sorry our schedule is full...we have no openings"
2) "We'll be aquantiaces...but I already have friends"
3) "Get the eff out of here"
4) "Sure...I'll be your friend...it'll just cost your dignity b***h."


How have YOU done it?
What's YOUR secret?

I would just stop the social stuff and be alone. It's better. Friends are lot of work. Being alone means no anxiety and you are in control.

I found myself happier that way. But being single sucked.

Yea...however it SUCKS either not being able to go places or eating out alone, going to BB games alone, on trips alone...it just sucks.

What's the point of living then?

I find it hard to understand how people can't enjoy their own company.

Get pally with people you work with. Its pretty much the only way I ever get any friends, and the couple I met on my course/degree and one school friend.

You become "The schedule" not an outsider if you get friendly with work people and study people. I have no idea how you're trying to meet people but it would be a lot harder.

Trying to fit into couples schedules is pointless. Find single people. I pretty much never hang around couples.

hey.

Here is an idea. It has helped me get along with NTs.

Develop your sense of humour.

Humans generally enjoy the company of people who have a sense of humour.
If you are weird but funny, that helps a lot!

More than that, when you explore humour, and find a flavour of humour that suits you, you will tend to attract/get-together with other people who have a similar flavour. You may find that this signifies compatibility.
Try for an interesting flavour, not too dark, nor at the expense of yourself or others. "Good-humoured". I hope that makes sense.

I liked what Donna Williams said about the sense of self in the classically autistic being stronger than many with AS.

What she meant by this was that the classically autistic person had no desire
to adapt and thus developed far less comorbids.

Personally I have no interest in computer games and the like, and often feel more alienated amongst aspies than NT's. However, I know that I am right brained dominant, and being artistic in the classical sense (yes, I know maths and leftbrained stuff is creative too) I feel deep connection with writers, musicians, philosophers and artists.

I am starting to see that there are people like me in the spectrum, who are formally dx'd and strongly rightbrained and classically creative. They possess the natural ability in using metaphor, figurative language and consequently are able to read body language and integrate into society.

This particular subtype has it's challenges. Enabling a person to penetrate a world that often they cannot fully grasp. Like being led to a well in dry and parched dessert that you cannot drink.

In this context........yes, life is hard knowing so well what we cannot quite obtain due to sensory issues and other autistic complexities.

I think there comes a point with everyone where they want to get up and be around other people (almost everyone). I enjoy my alone time immensely; too much I think. I also like -and feel the need- to socialize with my peers. Too much of either can be unhealthy or at least problematic. If somebody never wants interaction, that can hurt your chances of survival in this world, as we need the perspective of others at times. If somebody never wants to be alone, they never have time to develop their selves, and become too dependent on the company of others.