Benefit of a Diagnosis

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I understand. I meant for ME it would help me feel like I fit in with some group of people, because there are people who understand my oddness. I don't feel I need services or anything but of course some people might.

If you don't feel already like you fit in with people on the spectrum, it's not likely that an official diagnosis is going to change that.

ugghh I'm done trying to prove my point. I agree to disagree. I know myself better than anyone and that's how I feel for MYSELF

Well, you already officially fit in with a group - the group of people who are 18 years old.

I'm sorry to be difficult, but what you are trying to communicate just doesn't make any sense to me. The idea that you will feel a part of things because some person in a white coat with a college degree says you do is something I just can't grasp. The times I have felt a part of what other people were doing had nothing to do with what some stranger with a diploma said so it's just really hard for me to understand why some doctor can make a difference in how you feel about the people around you.

I can understand what yellowLedbetter is saying here a bit. For me, not having a diagnosis means that I can't exactly always......well, make people believe that I have the difficulties that I do. Some people think that all self diagnosises are wrong. And some people with autism also believe this and so it creates a stress with knowing whether or you should say you have Asperger's Sydrome, say you have some problems in certain areas or say nothing. With a diagnosis, you know you are going to satisfy those who are satisfied by the bit of official paper and you can perhaps be accepted more easily.

One of the reasons I would like a formal diagnosis, even though I am an adult and have plenty of coping mechanisms, is that I would like to advocate for autism rights sometime down the road. When I did student teaching, I just connected with kids with IEP's, some on the spectrum, some weren't. I went home crying when these students were ostracized and treated differently by their peers and teachers. They were brilliant in their own way. And very, very imaginative. (I taught art.) My mentor was just very impatient with them. Sometimes downright rude. I was intrigued and preferred their company. I would talk at length about whatever they wanted - Egyptian art, baboons, Star Wars, Garfield, lunar buses (an example of one kid using imagination), film noir (high school)... Even though I sometimes had no knowledge of these subjects, I just got them.

Other than that, I guess I could do without a diagnosis. However, I do think I could benefit professionally if someone could suggest a tried-and-true system for social skills, organization and stress management. There are also anti-discrimination laws that would provide a bit of mental solace.

I have to say, I would have saved myself a lot of grief, if in previous jobs, my co-workers were aware and "walking on eggshells" so to speak because of AS.

Another reason, is so that I could finally forgive some people who gave me a hard time in the past. Gets rid of that question mark lingering in your head. Although, I'd be careful to think AS equals me... I just think it describes me. I thought about this long and hard for a good two years. I might just be ready for whatever I get in return.

Last edited by lovecholie on 25 Sep 2010, 7:16 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Obviously, at least to me, is that an official diagnosis allows you to get disability services. In my country there is no oppurtunity for a "self-diagnosed" person to receive such services. It also cleared up alot of confusion about why I was having such social difficulties. Overall, you are better off to be officially diagnosed because then you know for sure it is AS, rather than some other problem you may be facing.

I feel the same way, though I was never "quite sure." I suspected as much since 1997, when I read about the possibility that people could have milder traits of autism, but since I couldn't find any doctors back then who knew about adult autism and AS I just gave up. Sometimes I thought about the notion that I might have AS, but mostly I just dismissed it, because whatever I read described more stereotypical or more acute cases than my own, so I thought I must not fit the label. I always felt very ambivalent about assigning myself a diagnosis, because it seemed presumptuous.

Now that I've been assessed by someone knowledgeable, I still feel sort of presumptuous calling myself autistic or even AS. The doctor said that I don't have all the characteristics of AS, but the ones I do have, primarily social impairment, are severe. I'm left not even knowing what to call myself exactly -- not entirely AS but severely affected? On the spectrum? ASD?

The AS doctor recommended a social skills group for people with AS but it is too expensive, and in any case the person who runs it never emailed me back when I inquired. She also referred me to a psychiatrist who specializes in people with AS, but he never called me back either (and is not covered by my insurance). So it hasn't led to any helpful services.

But as far as how I feel knowing I have AS is that it makes me feel somewhat more hopeless, since now I know why I was unable to relate to people socially, so I can't just hope that I'll do better next time, and I still have no new tools to do better next time.

I would love to have somewhere I fit in, but I'm still not sure if this is where I fit, though I appreciate WP and the people here very much.

Last edited by bee33 on 25 Sep 2010, 7:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you, that's EXACTLY what I was trying to say. And sparrowrose, I'm sorry I don't feel exactly the same way as you, you do understand that that does not make me WRONG, we just have different opinions. I feel that if I had a diagnosis I would have a solid explanation as to why I'm so "weird." You do know that some aspies often need solid explanations to things, correct? I would feel like there is a group that would understand me because they go through the same things as me. You may still not understand what I'm trying to say, but can't we just agree to disagree? It may not be the case for you but it is for me, and I simply said maybe it'll feel that way for others.

When you put it that way, it makes perfect sense to me. Thank you. And if this is what you were trying to say, YellowLedbetter, I apologize. It makes perfect sense to me. I have encountered the people who disbelieve and stress me out over trying to make me *prove* I really have Asperger's and I have an official diagnosis. It's got to really be rough for those who know "in their bones" that they have Asperger's yet encounter disbelief from others.

Okay, thank you sparrowrose. I was having a hard time trying to word it correctly, so thanks rmgh, I'm glad we're all understood now

De rien!


De rien!

Hey, we're talking about something different now so you have no idea how I feel about this way of looking at things, okay? Don't pretend to read my mind because you just got it wrong. One of my "pet peeves" is when someone suddenly changes the definition of something and then tries to argue how wrong I am because I was talking about the definition that *was* being used and now there's a new definition I haven't had a chance to touch yet. How can I be wrong about something that has just changed so dramatically? I was talking about something completely different!

how can you say we have different opinions when:
a. I was not disagreeing with you, I was saying it made no sense to me; and
b. what you were saying was something completely different from how . I agree 100% with what rmgh said and if that's what you were REALLY trying to say instead of what you were actually saying then you have no idea what I do or don't agree with. I was having difficulty understanding a poorly worded explanation so there was MAJOR miscommunication in BOTH directions.

Hey, concept. Two people with a communication disorder were not understanding each other. LOL



Yes and no. When you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie. I know people who are on the same spectrum as me and we struggle to understand one another's difficulties because they're so different from each others'. If you meant that there would be people who would be willing to try to understand you because you have the same diagnosis, then I can understand that.



grrrr! I HATE that phrase. I will decide what I will or will not agree to and I NEVER want to agree to disagree. That just sounds so awful to me and gts my stomach churning. I'm all for striving for mutual understanding and that phrase -- to me -- says "I give up. I'm right and you're wrong and I'm not going to try to help you understand any more because we can just agree to disagree and then you can go your stupid way." I want to understand and it gets me really upset when someone gives up on me like that and that phrase makes me feel like they're just stepping on me with a superior attitude. Bah!

So. Let's NOT agree to disagree, okay? You really meant to say what rmgh said and NOW I understand and it's so much better than kicking me to the side like something stupid. Okay? I'm sorry it took effort to make yourself understood and you needed help to explain yourself, but just kicking me off to the side doesn't help anybody -- doesn't help you get understood and doesn't help me understand.

Did it occur to you that me trying to understand what you were talking about means I VALUED what you were saying and found you IMPORTANT and INTERESTING enough to try to understand? If I thought about you the way you think about me -- just dismissive -- I wouldn't have talked to you in the first place. So please think before the next time you are tempted to just reject someone who doesn't understand you because it really hurts my feelings and I don't like that. I don't think someone else trying to understand what you're saying would like being rejected like that, either. I do NOT agree to disagree. I agree to try to UNDERSTAND!

What a frustrating, exhausting, and depressing conversation this has been.

Essentially, there are still 2 elements to what was originally said and what I said, as what I said was the thought I had in response to your statement "so it's just really hard for me to understand why some doctor can make a difference in how you feel about the people around you."

I.e. There's a difference between fitting into and feeling comfortable knowing you are in a certain category which explains certain major difficulties and differences in you and fitting into an aspie social after school club or something.

I also strongly detest this phrase.

I was actually going to say... Weren't you just stating the fact that people may or may not accept you whether you have a diagnosis or not? Whether those people are autistic or not? I think there were just a lot of sweeping generalizations and clichés used... Which is generally a bad idea in a forum full of aspies. I agree, "can we agree to disagree" insinuates a sort of discord or conflict in opinion. I learned that when someone says something you don't want to hear, to not immediately assume it's a difference in sides or even opinions. I try to hear the words as best without reading into intentions....

On a lighter note, who else phonetically sounds out rmgh in their head? Or hears the song yellowledbetter in their head?

Last edited by lovecholie on 25 Sep 2010, 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh my god this is SO frustrating!! !! !! !!

I agree! That's exactly the problem!! !! !! !!



It feels that way for me. Every aspie has different experiences, but deep down the main problem is difficulty to communicate (boy that sounds familiar) and I would feel as if there are people who know what I'm going through rather than saying "Well just try to be more outgoing." Which is what most "normal" folks say to me. They don't understand my psyche wheras most aspies who have difficulties communicating do. And yes, I feel like people would be more WILLING to understand me because I had a diagnosis that they understood - they wouldn't just think I'm weird.



I see that NOW. At the time I felt attacked, and that you were simply saying I was wrong. When I said "let's agree to disagree" I was merely saying that I was tired of defending myself and just wanted to stop the argument - I realize now that you were just trying to understand me better rather than disprove me. I apologize. I DID NOT have a superior attitude, so I'm sorry if you felt that way - in fact I felt like YOU had a superior attitude; now I realize that you did not - you were just trying to understand me, which I appreciate, most people just give up on me (which was NOT what I was trying to do with you.)



I agree! I understand your side of the story, and I apologize for misunderstanding you.

Last edited by yellowLedbetter on 25 Sep 2010, 8:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.