Is it rude to ask someone if they have a diagnosis?

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Because they might get offended because it would mean you noticed something was off about them and not normal. Lot of people want to be normal and I used to get asked if I was ret*d and it would offend me and upset me. I would be wondering what was I doing that made them think that so they had to ask. So I figured it had to be rude to ask if someone is ret*d and mom told me it is rude. Since that is rude, asking if anyone else has other conditions should be rude too.

I've been asked many times if I was autistic, because I stim a lot. It never offended me, but I never felt the asker really believed me when I said yes, they just seemed to think I said it as a joke. Why ask if you aren't going to take the answer seriously?

Seems to me, in that particular context of a gathering for both aspies and people who know aspies but aren't themselves, it's a natural question. I can't imagine being offended by the question, in that context.

In a gathering only for aspies, it seems inappropriate, as the fact that some one is there is evidence that they are an aspie.

Ok, thank you for explaining.

Maybe they were asking to insult you? Maybe they were being sarcastic?

One of the minor benefits of not being able to 'read' people is that you don't always know when you are being made fun of.

I do find that as a gift but it can be a double edge sword. But I had started to pick out when I am being made fun of and when I'm not but then I don't know if I am being insulted or not or being made fun of.

Maybe get them in a large group of people and say "hands up those who are autistic!" then "hands up those who have Aspergers!" then "hands up those who have ADHD!" then say "hands up those who have some other neurological condition!"

I have every reason to believe I should be diagnosed with Asperger's, but I'm not. I almost got diagnosed with it, once, but then the psychiatrist really suddenly changed her mind and never explained why. Probably because I withhold many truths from them that are unsafe to say - I don't want to risk getting locked up somewhere, and then even risk getting forced ECT "treatments" that would cause my memory to very possibly be permanently messed up and with blank spaces in my memory for events all over in my life. As such, I very likely may never get this diagnosis, depending on how dumb the people who would decide would be - in my case, withholding information should still be enough to get a diagnosis, but psychiatrists do seem to tend to see things in black and white about Asperger's, as with many other things, so very likely they'd think it isn't "enough". So asking a thing like that may very possibly be pointless - a diagnosis is only given from psychiatrists that well may be unaware of what one really thinks and how one really acts. Unless, of course, it can be determined with brain scans? However, no, it wouldn't really be rude in my view, but I'd explain what I just said, in such a case, and hope that whoever asks realizes that it isn't necessarily a very meaningful question to ask.

Thanks for the input.

I think I'll reserve the question for people I truly have no idea whether they are autistic or not and explain why I'm asking so they don't think I'm making a judgement about their behavior.