Question for females who "mirror" others

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PangeLingua
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27 Oct 2010, 10:11 pm

Lel wrote:
Much less so with men, mostly, however. Does it make a difference to you? I find it easier to communicate with men than women, generally.


I as well. I get along horribly with other girls, for the most part, and feel more comfortable with guys (not that I am great at socializing with them either, but they seem more accepting of me). I don't know why, though.



Chama
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27 Oct 2010, 10:14 pm

I imitate peoples' mannerisms, including facial expressions. I don't do this with people that make me uncomfortable, though -- it makes sense, if you don't like someone, you don't want to imitate them. I didn't know I did this until a couple years ago. But I think I usually overdo it and end up seeming TOO expressive.

On my own (without imitating) I do actually use facial expressions, but I've learned they're not usually the right ones. I smile constantly when I'm nervous, or when I'm listening to someone talk. Not a tooth-grin, just a smile plastered on my face. When I was working, several people told me that when helping customers I constantly looked extremely concerned and worried and sometimes like I would cry. I thought I was using a friendly expression that showed that I was listening and willing to help (because that is how I felt).

I only imitate people I know well, I think. Sometimes I will imitate someone's posture and tone of voice, like at the doctor or an office at university -- I do this because I've noticed it makes people comfortable, so I do it consciously. Besides, it makes me feel less nervous because I don't have to wonder what to do with my hands all the time -- I just try to imitate the other person.

It is VERY tiring in some situations, though. I end up trying so hard to be expressive that I exhaust myself by being overly expressive and having to observe the other person and regulate my actions constantly.



Lel
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27 Oct 2010, 11:02 pm

PangeLingua wrote:
Lel wrote:
Much less so with men, mostly, however. Does it make a difference to you? I find it easier to communicate with men than women, generally.


I as well. I get along horribly with other girls, for the most part, and feel more comfortable with guys (not that I am great at socializing with them either, but they seem more accepting of me). I don't know why, though.


I have a theory. I think men talk more about things, less about some abstract stuff I can't even define, which might be the social fabric of the networking thing that women do. Someone posted a line somewhere about girls hiding in the crowd - impossible. The girl crowd just spits me out, but I can usually talk to a man about something like the mechanics of laying turf. Women give 'the look' and back away.
What do you think?



PangeLingua
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27 Oct 2010, 11:26 pm

Lel wrote:

I have a theory. I think men talk more about things, less about some abstract stuff I can't even define, which might be the social fabric of the networking thing that women do. Someone posted a line somewhere about girls hiding in the crowd - impossible. The girl crowd just spits me out, but I can usually talk to a man about something like the mechanics of laying turf. Women give 'the look' and back away.
What do you think?


I think that must be part of it. Not a hard and fast rule, but guys seem to stick to subjects more, especially if it is something they are interested in.

Also, women do this thing where they give me looks that are supposed to be significant, but I have no clue what the looks mean, so I don't respond correctly. They also have a greater tendency to become catty when one doesn't respond appropriately. When I talk to another girl I usually feel that she is expecting me to do something that is so far beyond the scope of what I'm able to do that I can't even imagine what it is. I've always felt that other girls took some sort of class where they learned all this stuff about social communication, how to talk, how to move, how to dress, etc.

Maybe part of why I feel more comfortable with guys is just that they are supposed to be different from me (different gender and so on) whereas around girls, I feel defective, like I am not being a proper female. Anyway, here I am going off-topic in my own thread ... :lol:



Shebakoby
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28 Oct 2010, 12:58 am

I go through stages where I tend to subconsciously mimic some behaviors.



Maje
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28 Oct 2010, 5:31 am

QuelOround wrote:
I do this but I avoid eye contact at all costs. I usually observe people and only look at them when they aren't watching me.


Me too, and Im very good at not letting anybody notice Im watching, which sometimes includes that I have to act as if Im doing/thinking something else or on nothing special. Already as a child I noticed, that I was the only one watching, and so I thougt that I was smarter.

Later Ive had to realize, that I generally act something and adopt to situations, and that Im not able to express anything without being aware of it in the moment I express it.



musicboxforever
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28 Oct 2010, 5:46 am

Yes I fnd men easier to talk to. Women always just seem to talk a load of nonsense i'm not interested in. Guys tend to like music more than women do so I usually talk to men about music related subjects. Last month my friend had a girls night in because her husband was going to a gig with his friends. I went to the gig. He thought that was quite funny, but I said, well, I weighed it up, would I rather go to a gig or talk about nail polish for 3 hours.

I've been known to mimic guys as well. I realised this the other day when I said something exactly the way my friend would and I made a mental note to try not to do that again because it was embarassingly obvious.



lyricalillusions
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28 Oct 2010, 8:30 am

I've had people comment to me before that I have taken on their mannerisms or sayings, etc. I don't even realize I'm doing until it's pointed out & have no idea how or why it happens.


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SabbraCadabra
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28 Oct 2010, 2:41 pm

How is this female-only? I do it too, and I'm male.

I never really noticed I did it until I was reading about it in a profile, explaining the INTP personality type.


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pschristmas
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28 Oct 2010, 2:52 pm

I tend to do this as well, to the point that I pick up accents, gestures and word choices. Usually it's completely unconscious.; it's not until later that I realize what I've been doing. I was told by a neuropsychologist that it was my way of trying to connect with people, but that I had to be careful about doing it because it could come off as being fake. The real issue, I've found, is that when my own personality asserts itself it confuses people who have believed that I was a carbon-copy of them.



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28 Oct 2010, 5:14 pm

I don't take anybody's accent, people take mine :twisted:
I watch people and I remember their sayings, I read the forums, where they use the same sayings.

When people get angry, they do so funny gestures and sometimes I can't stop myself and I do the same. They don't like it, because they're seriously annoyed and I parody them.


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mgran
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28 Oct 2010, 5:37 pm

I consciously do this, to a certain extent, and sometimes without noticing it. I've read books on body language to learn ways to fit in, and sometimes it really seems to work.



PangeLingua
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28 Oct 2010, 6:30 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:
How is this female-only? I do it too, and I'm male.


I've only read about it as something that women with AS do. That doesn't mean men can't do it as well, nor that all women do it. I didn't mean to make the question exclusive!