Have you experienced bullying in your neighbourhood

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matthewjasmith
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29 Jan 2021, 12:08 pm

About 4 years ago, I moved into my current location. The property needed decorating but that didn't seem to much difficult, with my dad being a contractor too. I felt positive and happy, after being in shared houses then returning to live with my parents. I was 37 years old.
I am now 40 years old and do not particularly like living where I am, why on the first floor of this marionette would I be so unhappy.
As I walked up to the property a neighbour who lived downstairs was there talking to my mother I knew it was not the landlord as they had informed me about the key being in a key minder. She seemed dominating and noisy, so I didn't talk to her. I didn't realise she was such a nasty bit of work and bully.
She told my mother about the lady who lived there before, and it was very negative, she had done her garden, and it seems she wanted to control the garden. In fact, I spent money on it, and she would walk in like she owned the property.
As the garden had shared access before, my father put up a lock on the gate, which helped a little bit. She gives me evil looks constantly, and she kept knocking on the door, complaining about the television being too loud. I kept saying sorry and turning it down, she kept shouting so much until it went to mute. She shouted nasty words to me, swearing, shouting at night. She was threatening and intimidating. I reported it to the landlord, social housing provider, the Police and the local council. She didn't stop, she said to the effect they won't kick me out. She seemed to find it a fun game to drive me out of the property.
However I didn't think that was fair, I got help from Victim Support and found myself being referred to mental health services, the psychologist basically told me it was not me who had the problem. Although in one respect I did, as I felt very anxious and couldn't sleep very well. As I was going to the toilet at night, washing my hands she kept shouting, turn off the taps. Even those the taps were on a little to wash my hands. I felt this type of bullying was very mean and cruel.
There was lots of example of this she would spread nasty things about me to the neighbours. I felt alienated and lonely. I wanted a kitten which I got, she objected about me getting a kitten to the lady who brought it saying it was because I went out. I felt this was unfair as people can go out the property and have a kitten, and it was around the time there was a lockdown so I was not out that much at all.
I feel sad because it seems she will position others in the community against me, so I feel it's difficult to make friends. I also feel embarrassed about having such a neighbour. I looked to transfer, but then I think why should I move, as this is so horrible. Making constant unreasonable demands, when I am quitely keeping myself to myself. I also brought wireless headphones so I could listen to the television. After I did that, she was shouting about the taps. I feel whatever I do she will be horrible. Having a fridge on, washing my hands, flushing the toilet. I think these are everyday things, but why would a person make complaints about them.

I am posting this here, as I read something along the lines in another site about the television. I feel that people do this to be annoying. I realise some people can have the TV on loudly which can be annoying. For me this type of thing is mental abuse with a plan to undermine my self-confidence, however, it does not work. To a point, however often I felt like I am walking on eggshells at night, as the floorboards make a sound. People can say just ignore it, or so, but when it is the middle of the night and you are trying to sleep and there is banging, or shouting in the floor below it can be quite distruptive.



KT67
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29 Jan 2021, 12:20 pm

Yes.

One that really stands out is this guy in his 50s who threatened me when I was in my early teens. And he would always be nasty whenever I was near him. I think this is proper bullying cos I was scared of him.

Mum's neighbour tries to be a bully but she just comes across as having 'issues' (whether that's being aspie or mentally ill or whatever I don't like putting a label on nasty behaviour but...) because everyone kind of laughs behind her back. What she does is she yells at anyone who makes the slightest noise!

Saying it like that makes it sound like we're bullying her but it's just people saying 'never mind her'. And she was absolutely horrible to the old lady before us who is deaf.

I hate people who try to control their neighbours. But part of that control = getting away with unreasonable stuff. Like my parents have neighbours who had parties with boom blasters or whatever and the party went on til 4am! That is a form of control just as much as telling neighbours off for owning a dog or listening to the TV too loud is.


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KT67
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29 Jan 2021, 12:33 pm

matthewjasmith wrote:

I am posting this here, as I read something along the lines in another site about the television. I feel that people do this to be annoying. I realise some people can have the TV on loudly which can be annoying. For me this type of thing is mental abuse with a plan to undermine my self-confidence, however, it does not work. To a point, however often I felt like I am walking on eggshells at night, as the floorboards make a sound. People can say just ignore it, or so, but when it is the middle of the night and you are trying to sleep and there is banging, or shouting in the floor below it can be quite distruptive.


If you think about it from their POV, I really doubt this is the case.

People have loud TV for 3 reasons in my experience:
1 They're deaf. Deafness is often associated with old age but not necessarily. They need it that loud.
2 (In rougher neighbourhoods especially) people leave the TV when they go out. This might seem like it's on purpose to be annoying but the reason why people do this is so that people think they're at home and don't rob the place.
3 It's to mask dog noise. In my experience this is entirely unnecessary but people don't know that! My mum's dog calms down with TV which is too quiet for humans to hear. She just needs something other than silence/street noise. People make the mistake of thinking that because dogs aren't as smart as humans they're entirely stupid & it's the same as covering up non-sentient noise. It's not. When the dog's calm, it will relax and stop barking.

I severely doubt someone would put it on loud on purpose. What would the point of that be? It's not like blasting music which is more fun when done loudly (but rude to do so nobody should do that! plus it damages your hearing). Having TV louder than you need it is annoying to the viewer.

This is why I'm really glad my mum's hearing is within the range where her TV isn't too loud even though she's deaf. And why I'm glad my granddad lives in a detached house: his TV is really loud because he genuinely can't hear it but it doesn't bother the neighbours because they can't hear it.

Trouble in flats and semis and terraced houses is that sound travels. Blame the architects for not building thick enough walls, ceilings, floors etc.

On the other hand I totally get how absolutely annoying it is for those of us who are sound sensitive. I just don't think it's on purpose.


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29 Jan 2021, 12:41 pm

One neighbor with about a dozen cars once tried to intimidate me out of parking on the street in front of my house.  He now has half as many cars and one son in prison.

It is not about whom you know, nor about what you know; it is all about what you know about whom you know.



Dear_one
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29 Jan 2021, 2:56 pm

In this town, the pecking order is settled in high school, and if you were not there, you won't get anywhere with complaining to town hall about the neighbours damaging your foundations or anything else.



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29 Jan 2021, 9:18 pm

There were two boys who lived next door to me in the first house that my family lived in, when I was a kid. Those boys wanted nothing to do with me, because of my accent. There were also twin boys halfway down the street who called me a ret*d once for the same reason.


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auntblabby
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29 Jan 2021, 9:19 pm

only stoooopid people would hold a person's accent against them.



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30 Jan 2021, 5:00 am

I see auntblabby is still around, amazing and good to see.
Good health to you sir!



auntblabby
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30 Jan 2021, 1:44 pm

nostromo wrote:
I see auntblabby is still around, amazing and good to see.
Good health to you sir!

and YOU also! :flower:



theprisoner
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30 Jan 2021, 2:00 pm

auntblabby wrote:
only stoooopid people would hold a person's accent against them.


Cor blimey ,mate. i bloody agree wit ya, bullyin' is jus plain cheeky. it aint nuffink but aggro . if some nutter was to give me n earful fo tha way i tawk, id say oi shut ya gob or i'ma deck ya you silly prat.


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PhosphorusDecree
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30 Jan 2021, 2:11 pm

I used to be endlessly harrassed by the kids in this neighbourhood- they saw me as an obvious wierdo they could safely mock. That's got less and less common over the last ten years. Part of it is that I now have a more confident stance, and part of it that kids round here are actually more polite than they used to be.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Jan 2021, 8:01 pm

nostromo wrote:
I see auntblabby is still around, amazing and good to see.
Good health to you sir!


Welcome back! :D


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nostromo
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30 Jan 2021, 10:18 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
nostromo wrote:
I see auntblabby is still around, amazing and good to see.
Good health to you sir!


Welcome back! :D

Thanks, hi CockneyRebel I remember you! Looks like I haven't been on here since 2017.. 8O
Think I'll stay. Browsing around reminds me how friendly and interesting I always found this place. Reddit and Twitter and other spaces seem to often be about shouting incessantly at other people and scoring votes, it gets toxic.



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31 Jan 2021, 4:07 am

Was called ret*d, had pine cones thrown over the fence at me. I remember this one girl that lived on our block, I didn't know her and only saw her once because she was a lot older than me but for some reason she didn't like me. I was six and she kept telling me to go home and didn't want me around even though my brothers and other neighbors' kids were around but she only wanted me home so she kept taking my shoes from me and throwing them up the street to keep me away and then she would do it again when I came back. I have another memory when I was called into their yard and they asked me if I wanted to see a kitty cat and I nodded and they started throwing water balloons instead. I remember thinking then if I was supposed to pretend these water balloons were a kitty cat and I was supposed to catch that pretend kitty but the only problem was I didn't want to get wet. I have no idea what the heck happened but I remember leaving that backyard confused because there was no kitty cat and I found it strange they were calling these water balloons kitty cats. :lol:


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