Computer online gaming addiction

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It probably won't mean anything to him, but I'm actually proud that I'm a geek. In some ways, we're the biggest rebels in society.

I could easily get into another rant here, but the short version of it is, we live in a culture that hates thinking, and is vicious and cruel. How can it be anything but rebellious if one is constantly thinking, and choose to be kind and forgiving? Heck, we're SO cool, it doesn't matter that no one else can see it

Not only that, but there's there's Open Source guys. You don't get much more nerdy then that. And they're challenging the establishment (Microsoft and others).

Your son probably also on some level probably recognizes that he is a lot like the nerds, and might not like being associated with them.


I don't respond well to authoritarianism either. It's fairly common within the spectrum. I suspect it has a lot to do with egos.
Of course, we also need those egos. We have to put up with an awful lot of crap, and we have to find a way to deal with that.

Come to think of it, maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. Maybe your son should get involved with some activists Then he might start learning things like how powerful words can be, what can be done, and have something to channel that anger into. It might especially help if it's a cause you don't like.
Seems like it's a lot easier for Aspies to fit into the counter culture then the regular culture. So maybe that's a good direction.


Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I mean I'm not exactly what one would call successful.

For the most part we don't get much help from psychologists (from what I've seen). I can't speak for myself here because I don't see a psychologist. I'm pretty sure I know what my problems are, I just don't know what to do about them.

Getting back to the ego thing, I think your son could benefit from a bit of Nietchze like thinking. Dedicate himself to being the best he can be. Always striving to improve oneself. Rise above everyone else. Don't just hold everyone else in contempt, but have a reason to consider oneself superior.

And ideally remember that everyone is human. And just because you are better doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it. One of the problems about these kind of thinkers is that they don't seem to realize that you can often get more out of people by negotiating with them. And you know, there's something to be said for people liking you.

Be better then everyone else, but don't rub it in their faces. And if people get angry about it? Just shrug it off. Because if they can't accept you as someone strong, it's their problem.


Again, I only speak from my experiences which are vaguely similar.

You have to take into account Xuincherguixe that he is only 14yrs old (and in many ways only 12yrs) he is an early teen and wants to belong and be part of things, you know be the same as his peers even if he is not able to keep up. He is battling with all this still, he is not old enough intellectually to be the sort of rebel you are talking about. He can't analyse society in the way you are - he is too young yet. Probably that will come but he is still too young.

I do think it is important for teenagers to rebel against their parents, but this is primarily done in a pack (of friends) they are their bridge to a world separate from the society of their parents and the norms of their world.

I want him to be happy but he needs to find his identity first and I can see this happening alone in his room.

One of the first things I'd advise is to write down ALL of the problems/symptoms your son is having. I'd recommend typing them up in an e-mail and sending it to yourself. As you think of new things, simply keep replying to the e-mail. Also write down any "outside" factors that you feel are contributing to your son's behavior (e.g. does he have issues about his father?, etc.). I suggest this over writing it all down on a piece of paper or typing it on notepad or word so that Luke doesn't find what you've written.

After you've done that, try researching any possible disorders that Luke might have in addition to AS. It's possible he has other disorders that are causing him problems. For example, look into Oppositional Difiant Disorder.

Once you have your "homework" done, print out what you've written, find a qualified psychologist and meet privately with him/her to discuss your son and what steps need to be taken. Later, if Luke refuses to go see the psychologist, then perhaps the psychologist can go see him. Luke probably needs to be put on medication to relieve social anxiety.

"I want him to be happy but he needs to find his identity first and I can see this happening alone in his room."

Did you mean to say that you "cannot see this happening alone in his room."?

One thing that you seriously need to put a stop to is letting him get away with taking and hiding important things that don't belong to him when he doesn't get his way. You have to sit down with him and explain that there absolutely will be swift consequences when he does this and that his actions will not allow him to be rewarded by him getting his way. You HAVE to make it to where he will continually be punished if he keeps trying to "one up" you when you bring about consequences. Let him know that it is because you love him and want what's best for him, you don't want your sit down with him to be construed as a challenge.

If my son were doing that, the next time he hid anything important I would donate one of his gaming systems to a pediatric hospital. If he kept stealing other things, he'd eventually have no gaming systems left. After that I would suspend his Internet service. Then later it would be no more Internet and "bye bye computer."

How about you designate a time of day where he IS allowed to play the game. An hour per day of gaming, or whatever you think is acceptable. For example, every day from say 8pm to 9pm, he is allowed to play the game. But if he tries to play it at any other time, then he is in trouble.

That game is an internet game, so if you catch him playing it outside of 8-9pm, then punish him by unplugging his modem (his internet access) and taking it away and locking it up for 3 days. Or take away the xbox / gaming console for 3 days, whatever. He will soon learn that breaking the rule means less time he is able to play the game.

NO exceptions to this rule. If he is away from home during 8-9pm and thus misses playing, tough luck, he has to wait until the next day. If he frequently misses his timeslot because of circumstances out of his control, then perhaps you will change the timeslot longer to a longer duration, 8-10pm, although changing the timeslot should be avoided because if it happens too often it is bending the rules.

Do not be angry at him if he breaks the rule. He has an addiction. His brain chemistry is unduly influencing his actions. Have sympathy for him -- he is not deliberately trying to disobey you, rather his brain chemistry is just making it very difficult for him to obey you even if he wants to. Nevertheless, be strict and consistent in enforcing the punishment. Just quietly, non-angrily, and non-emotionally remove his modem whenever you catch him breaking the rule. Then quietly return it to him after the 3 days.

Be sure to respect the timeslot when he IS allowed to play. Never criticise him for playing during the allowed time period. Encourage him to play during that time. Praise him for playing during the allowed time. There is nothing wrong with him playing the game during the designated time. Never ask him to help you with anything during the allowed time. Let him have his timeslot uninterrupted. If you need his help during the timeslot, wait until the end of the timeslot. Do NOT make him feel guilty for playing during the allowed timeslot.

Last edited by emp on 09 Jun 2006, 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow. Really, this is something I didn't expect to stumble on in my ramblings over the internet. To put it quite simple, this is the exact same situation I used to live in, except that I was the child part of the single mother/Asperger's child equation. However, since I'm only fifteen, please don't take my advise as the gospel, however, if I was like your son (And by what I've read, I was extremely similiar), it might give you a bit of extra insight into how he thinks. I certainly hope so, as, when I acted as he did, I wasn't a very happy person at all. It's a bit strange, finding a page through sheer random chance on the 'net, and then basically baring my soul on the first post I make, however, I know how it feels to be like that, and if I can stop someone else feeling like that, I'll count it a fair trade.

I can relate to this. Using people, things, threats, tears, breakdowns, utter lies, just to get what I wanted.. It was something I did quite often when I was 11-12. I think the problem was with me at that time (hindsight is a wonderful thing), is that I didn't see anyone else as people. I couldn't interpret what their body language meant, and, quite frankly, I saw people as nonpersons.




I think the problem here is that you are telling him not to kill himself. You're the one frightening him into not doing so, and, quite frankly, if he's at the rebellious age (I never had one, so I'm not entirely sure how it works...), he might threaten to do so to hurt you. Threatening him so he won't kill himself is a bit of an oxymoron, however, most of these things are power plays. If he has power over you, he can get whatever he wants.




Anyone can cause mayhem. I disconnected the fuse box when I was younger because I wasn't allowed to play the computer. However, you need authority to exercise authority. If he knows he can get what he wants, he won't obey you.



Firstly, and this is probably a biggie, but does he pay for his own games? If he sees games and the internet as a right, and you take them away, he'll feel as angry as if you took his dinner away for not obeying you. If he sees them as a privilege which he earns, you'll be giving something to him, rather than letting him have his divine-ordained 'rights'.

For instance, is he paying for his World of Warcraft subscription? If he is, then is he paying for the internet connection (at least in part)? If he's not paying for the first one, you stop paying for it. If that involves cancelling credit cards/getting a new bank account so he can't use your money for it. Then make him pay for his account, whether you pay him for a day's worth of good behaviour, housework, or whether he's ready to get his own job. (Probably doubtful)

Having to pay for things, or, more importantly, having to see how hard other people work to pay for those things, entails a whole new level of respect for what you do.




I wouldn't. If he's as addicted as he seems to be, taking away what he's addicted to isn't going to help. Taking it away temporarily would work. Permanently would simply incite him to steal and damage more stuff.

Well, so far as I can see, hopefully I've put a slightly different viewpoint into your eyes. Of course, your son and myself might have personalities so radically different to one another that everything I've advised/told you would be meaningless, however, if this helps in some way (which I hope it does), I'll be glad.

Got the message Goofball. You are right! and I will give the list thing a shot, although he has been fully assessed and I had him assess about 6 months ago. which led to a clear AS diagnosis. He has extremely low verbal and oral skills but extremely high visual and spatial skills.

I have tried your suggestion emp, but he is has a way of persecuting and hounding me until he gets it back bit by bit until before I know it he has it back completely. I know I am just weak but you know it scares me when he when he starts to disrupt everyone else. His sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last January and I worry about her getting sleep because she has to be up so early in the mornings for an insulin injection and he just goes around the house making unbelieveable noise and hurting his sister.

blackholearmy, thank you for your contribution, yes it is useful to see things from the other side and you have given me an idea - to stop paying for the subscription. The basic message from all of you is to assert my authority more - I must stop being afraid of the consequences and be the parent. I know he is a happier person when he has clear guidelines and structure in place. I need to get my house in order over the summer as when school term begins again I must have everything in place, black and white rules no grey area in order for things to run smoothly.

Thanks to you all.

She stated his addiction as being to the online game WoW and that he had several gaming consoles - "he has almost every game machine ever made". If she started out giving his older consoles away it wouldn't make him flip out real bad because he's bored with them and no longer addicted to them. What it would do is send a message that things are going to be different from now on and that he will be held accountable for his actions. If he kept stealing important items then eventually he would lose what he is addicted to. If he were truely addicted then I highly doubt that he would jeopardize losing his Internet connection and his computer.

Good luck, Julia. It sounds like you know what needs to be done. We're behind you!

I tip my hat to you. Being a single parent of three NT children would be hard enough. With taking care of your daughter's diabetes and having a son with AS you really have your work cut out for you. Every once in a while, be sure to give yourself a pat on the back and give yourself the credit you deserve for all the hard work you're doing.

Stay strong.

Thanks.

I am a little late to the discussion. For what it is worth, I used to be "addicted" to computer games. I am from the generation of gamers who played the Ancient Art of War and King's Quest. Back in the days when there was no Internet, and the graphic card was definitely a limiting factor, even these "simple" games were highly addictive (I prefer the word fun). And interacting with the computer was my way of escaping the pain of day to day existence. I was a teenager before they introduced Asperger Syndrome in DSM IV; so my "eccentric" beahaviour often met with punishments from teachers and some bullying from other students. Like your son, I hated life (and still do), but found the computer one way to feel better about things. In that world, I felt okay.

Some have offered that strict discipline is needed to solve the "problem". It is not that I disagree about the importance of teaching young people the value of discipline, but I think Julia has already pointed out just how fragile her son really is. He has physically harmed himself and does have suicidal thoughts. Sadly, this is not unusual for people with Asperger Syndrome. It is very likely that Julia believes that her son will take that final step and is therefore "manipulated" into giving in. Better to have her son alive and addicted to WOW than to live with the torment of thinking that she pushed him into committing suicide.

However, part of the problem is that long hours spent playing computer games will actually make you more depressed and thus more in need of the fix. It is like any substance addiction. You take it to make you feel good. It works for a while but ends up creating a void that can only be filled by getting more. And when you end up being nothing more than a pale faced kid who spends all of his time playing computer games, your self esteem hits rock bottom and you start to behave like a crack addict. You will do anything to play and because you have sunk so low, you hate yourself even more and thus crave the release more intensely.

That said addiction to computer games is certainly not limited to AS; lots of teenagers today grow up doing little other than playing computer games. Young boys turn to computer games for much the same reasons, they find that they do not measure up to what society expects of them. Is it so unusual for a young man to play online computer games?

To deny this young man the one thing that sustains his life is probably taking things too far. What is there to keep him engaged if you unplug the modem? Should he watch more television? Prepare for the SATs? Write his Harvard admissions essay?

I believe that this young man understands the negative aspects of gaming and what that does to an individual. What I think is needed is help him develop other obsessions. Hans Asperger pointed out in his paper that his young wards did best when they were given something to do that absorbed their entire interest. I think that is the best approach towards helping people with AS - help them develop positive obsessions.

Forcing your son to develop social skills is a mistake that can end very badly. Some people with AS have symptoms so mild that they can basically function normally. Others are so disconnected that they seem to jar on everyone’s nerves or everyone jar’s on their nerves. It is not entirely about ego. Please tread carefully, a young life is at stake here.

Thank you Zeno for your response. I think you understand things perfectly from my son's perspective.

This is exactly what has happened and how he feels.

I have been trying to think of postive things for him to become obsessive about, unfortunately I can come up with nothing.