Do people call you when something happens to them?

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Tammy's family is foolish. It should be important to them that Tammy felt better after talking to you. It should be important to them that Tammy will be consoled by your presence at the funeral. I have read your various posts about her family and they do seem to underestimate what a positive effect you have on her. Oh well. You can't change people.

No. No one tells me anything, even when it's important. I never know anything that's going on. I am the last to find anything out.

thank you for your words.

tammy's family do not like me for many reasons.
i do not think this thread is a place for me to get too verbose, so i will try to keep it short.

1. i am not at all eager to accept their invitations to family "get togethers", and when they invite me to go on picnics or to dinner i always have an "excuse" to decline.

2. i can not understand them when i am in their company and i prattle on about things that seem totally irrelevant to them. they see clearly that i am not on their wavelength and they see me as a foreign object.

3. i am not an affectionate person, and i do not like to be "lovey dovey", and when they see me with tammy, and they see tammy hug me tight, they also see me squirm and try to free myself from her grip. when tammy tries to kiss me on my lips, i often turn my head away so her lips collide with my cheek rather than my lips. they think i do not love her.

4. i seem much more intelligent than tammy because i can say things that intimidate them, and they seem lost for words, and they think if i am that smart, then why am i with tammy who is very simple.

5. i earn quite a bit of money and i buy tammy things that they can not give her, and moreover, i buy things that are unromantic like negative ion generators etc for tammy, and they see that as not normal.

anyway, me and tammy share a private world of understanding that no one else can see, and we share autism as well, and even though she is mildly ret*d, she understands all that i say because it is in her language, and it is what she alone could not think of.

i know that she rings me constantly after her grandmothers death because i say things to her that make her feel better and she agrees that the platitudes that her family roll out are not helpful (eg. "she's had a good innings" and "well it was her time to go").

they say to her "grandmas in a better place now", and to tammy that means nothing helpful. she wonders how they could know that.

i said to tammy a few hours ago when she rang (it is late now) :

me: there is 2 possibilities. either life goes on after you die or you are switched off like a light. do you see that that is the only 2 possibilities?

tammy:yes i do.

me: well if she was switched off like a light, then she knows nothing about her death, and she is not sad at the moment. do you agree?

tammy: of course, but i think life goes on.

me: if life goes on, then she has gone to heaven because she never did anything wrong enough to go to hell.

tammy: she certainly went to heaven.

me: so now she is probably happier than she ever was in life because she no longer fears death because she knows she can not die because she is still around.

tammy: yes yes.

me: she would feel well and young and she would have met her husband again and all her friends who have died, and she is probably looking back down at the family thinking "i wish you could know that we will all meet up again when you all die"

tammy: you have a point. yes. ahhh she is happy i think.

me: it is like we are all waiting at a train station for our train to heaven, and she had a ticket on an earlier train, but you have a ticket on a later train and so do i, and we will also eventually catch that train, and we will arrive at the same destination as your grandma, and she will be there to greet us as we get off the train.

tammy: (giggles)...yes that is definitely what is going to happen i know it.

me: so darling you can let yourself get tired and go off to bed now. are you tired?

her: yes your voice makes me sleepy.

me: nighty night sweetheart and i will talk to you in the morning.

her: sleep tight


by the way, i do let her hug me and kiss my lips when her parents can not see us.

i am tired now and this is probably preposterously long and off topic, and you do not need to reply, but you gave me a fissure to let my steam escape through.

thanks.