Help! I'm in love with my psychiatrist...

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Andie09
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14 Nov 2010, 7:43 am

duck wrote:

Has your therapist even indicated any interest in you other than professional, Andie09? It's great to meet someone who actually gives a damn, and actually bothers to understand you. But that doesn't mean he 'loves' you.

That's the thing... There's certain things he's said and done that sound like there might be mutual interest. Of course, I realize that my view is more than likely skewed and I'm just reading into it.

Perhaps you're right. Maybe I'm just not used to having genuine people in my life. Now that I do, I'm mistaking it for love. It kind of makes sense... Not something I'd want to ruin with my little crush. I think I'd lose trust and respect.

ediself
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14 Nov 2010, 9:12 am

the major thing you need to consider i think, is that if he is also attracted to you, if it's legally possible etc and you guys end up in a true relationship, HE will want to be in a true relationship also. And in that case, he will not be able to be your "support"in the way you need it. I think the fact that he is your psychiatrist right now makes him the best support , being your boyfriend he might resent you after a while for making him "work at home". so before you even consider telling him about your feelings, you need to have already found another "support"person , another psychiatrist. imagining that you find a perfect one to replace him, then you wouldn't need him so much. that's the catch.
you can't "need"your boyfriend. you just have to "want"him. otherwise the relationship with you might suffocate him.

Moog
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14 Nov 2010, 10:23 am

That rings true. What you get out of your therapeutic relationship probably wouldn't be the same as in a romantic relationship. They would (hopefully) be putting their utmost into supporting people in their job, I suspect they probably wouldn't want to do that very much in their free time. Or at least, that is how I would be.

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hyperlexian
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14 Nov 2010, 11:47 am

Claradoon wrote:

I think it's not unusual and it might be part of the process.

====
From Wikipedia:

In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status. When Freud initially encountered transference in his therapy with patients, he felt it was an obstacle to treatment success. But what he learned was that the analysis of the transference was actually the work that needed to be done. The focus in psychodynamic psychotherapy is, in large part, the therapist and patient recognizing the transference relationship and exploring the relationship's meaning. Since the transference between patient and therapist happens on an unconscious level, psychodynamic therapists who are largely concerned with a patient's unconscious material use the transference to reveal unresolved conflicts patients have with childhood figures.
====

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

If your therapist allows things to go to a personal level, then you're dealing with a dangerous therapist. But if you can discuss it and make it part of therapy, it can be part of healing.

yes, transference has been shown to be true in many cases. a couple of big reasons why it is not considered real love in a shrink-patient relationship:

-the balance of power is skewed. you are on unequal terms. if a doctor or therapist sleeps with a patient, there is a legal assumption that the shrink abused his/her power. you are not on level ground.

-you don't know as much about him as he knows about you. therefore, the feelings are mostly based on how well he treats you and takes care of you - it's not based on true mutuality as it is his job to help you. he may be a completely different person outside of the office.

OP - it is not a good idea to pursue your mental health professional. it puts him in an awkward spot. if the situation is too uncomfortable for you, then you can switch doctors.

there is always the option of telling him how you feel, because he can possibly help you with the the therapeutic reasons why you are transferring, and may be able to help you get past that. he has probably noticed already.

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richardbenson
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14 Nov 2010, 12:30 pm

i cold never possibly fall inlove with a doctor. there ego's are out of this world, and yeah.
not happening

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themantis
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15 Nov 2010, 4:23 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:

There are different ethical guidelines for different countries, but here you cannot cross the relationship boundaries while in the professional relationship or for a number of years afterwards. If you explain your feelings to your psychiatrist, he might decide that the most ethical thing to do is to find you another psychiatrist (and also not start seeing you romantically).

If the tables were turned and it was him who had feelings for you, he would either have to deal with the emotions so they did not interfere with the professional relationship, or end the relationship. I suppose the same goes the other way around (though, as the client, you are not bound by the same codes that he is).

I'd advise you to think a lot about what these feeling might really be - are they really love or perhaps just the closeness that people often feel when they share so much with someone, and understand each other? It would be a shame to jeopardise the professional relationship by doing something about this when in reality the situation is fine and you are simply feeling very emotionally connected with this person whose job it is to help and understand you.

Hope you can work it out.

Very good suggestion, yellowtamarin.

Rose_in_Winter
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15 Nov 2010, 4:35 pm

Even if you did tell him, he's likely to think it's transference, even if you're sure it's not.

I think you need to find a new therapist, because your attraction to this one could get in the way. Look for someone where there is no chance of attraction -- my therapist is a woman in her 50's who reminds me of my mom. No chance of attraction, and since I'm close to my mom, I won't cast her in a "parental" role either. Think about what would be appealing emotionally but not sexually before you search out a new doctor. As for your current doctor, you can tell him the truth about how you are feeling ror make up another reason; he won't take it personally. People switch therapists for lots of reasons.

Plywood
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15 Nov 2010, 6:31 pm

According to the show Reba, just tell him and he will transfer you to a different psychiatrist.

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