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Very cunning bullies

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Aspieallien
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16 Nov 2010, 4:19 am

nostromo wrote:
Aspieallien wrote:
Epiphany28 wrote:
Does she know you're an aspie and what that means?



I took the risk and told the general manager I was on the spectrum. He has been pretty good to me all along, and things had improved until now.
I havn't really told anyone else I'm an aspie so I don't know if she may have found out or not. I don't think it would make any difference because she knows my triggers and deliberately exploits them. She has a real predatory personality, and thrives on scandal. She will even generate scandals out of nothing and pit co workers against others. The big problem is she is very friendly with the owner of the company, so she thinks she can get away with it.

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice, glad I'm not all alone here.

I have been in the same situation with a very cunning bully. No matter what he did I 'laughed' it off, I refused to give him the satisfaction. I knew that gets to bullies, I also refused to retaliate.
I used to dream of killing him, but anyway he ended up retiring with depression and anxiety attacks.
I'm not sure if that is the right way of dealing with things but it's what I did.



Yes, any sort of reaction at all they feed off. The problem here is that she has found my melt down triggers, which are almost hard wired for me.
So she is almost garenteed of a reaction.

I can't for the life of me understand what makes these people tick. It sure makes you appreciate real people.


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Amajanshi
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16 Nov 2010, 6:47 am

Aspieallien wrote:
Yes, any sort of reaction at all they feed off. The problem here is that she has found my melt down triggers, which are almost hard wired for me.
So she is almost garenteed of a reaction.

I can't for the life of me understand what makes these people tick. It sure makes you appreciate real people.


These people are called Psychopaths. I think there was a study done in the past on Chronic bullies, and they get increased levels of Dopamine when they're bullying somebody :( . Dopamine is the neurochemical that's involved in Pleasure and Motivation. Ritalin and Dexamphetamine also increase Dopamine levels, which is why they're prescribed for those with ADHD.



Reptillian
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16 Nov 2010, 6:56 am

Actually, I was also going to suggest psychopathy traits possibility or at least a vicious personality.



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16 Nov 2010, 8:46 am

Maybe you can seek out the help of her other victims? If you all band together to rescue/help each other from such attacks she will leave you all alone.



Aspieallien
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16 Nov 2010, 1:48 pm

Amajanshi wrote:
Aspieallien wrote:
Yes, any sort of reaction at all they feed off. The problem here is that she has found my melt down triggers, which are almost hard wired for me.
So she is almost garenteed of a reaction.

I can't for the life of me understand what makes these people tick. It sure makes you appreciate real people.


These people are called Psychopaths. I think there was a study done in the past on Chronic bullies, and they get increased levels of Dopamine when they're bullying somebody :( . Dopamine is the neurochemical that's involved in Pleasure and Motivation. Ritalin and Dexamphetamine also increase Dopamine levels, which is why they're prescribed for those with ADHD.



I think you may be onto something here. That would be true also for school bullying. Perhaps the bullies need the medication. It sure seems they are the ones with the real mental condition here, who need treatment.


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nostromo
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16 Nov 2010, 5:41 pm

Aspieallien wrote:
Amajanshi wrote:
Aspieallien wrote:
Yes, any sort of reaction at all they feed off. The problem here is that she has found my melt down triggers, which are almost hard wired for me.
So she is almost garenteed of a reaction.

I can't for the life of me understand what makes these people tick. It sure makes you appreciate real people.


These people are called Psychopaths. I think there was a study done in the past on Chronic bullies, and they get increased levels of Dopamine when they're bullying somebody :( . Dopamine is the neurochemical that's involved in Pleasure and Motivation. Ritalin and Dexamphetamine also increase Dopamine levels, which is why they're prescribed for those with ADHD.



I think you may be onto something here. That would be true also for school bullying. Perhaps the bullies need the medication. It sure seems they are the ones with the real mental condition here, who need treatment.

Word! Interesting article I read on bullies, over the long term the bullying damages them more than the victims, there lives generally end in failure, under-achievement and frustration. So nipping this in the bud would be good for all



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17 Nov 2010, 4:24 am

I have but in school.

This girl knew i was uncomfortable with people staring at me so she would do it continuously. I ended up just avoiding her as much as possible.

Maybe its time to change jobs? Pity you can't get one of your co-workers to ask her what the f**k she's staring at. Because you'll never get rid of her. If you complain she will just act like you're talking about stuff she didn't even know she was doing.



Ravenchild
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17 Nov 2010, 5:38 am

There is also a free resource:
www.bullyonline.org
which gives information on mainly work-related bullying and how it can be dealt with.

Hope this may be of use to some folks.


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Cuterebra
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17 Nov 2010, 6:48 am

It sounds like she thoroughly enjoys tormenting you. If you can stop letting her get to you as much, it won't be as much fun for her and she will stop. But that's easier said than done.

Daily meditation is extremely helpful for getting a handle on anxiety and sensory overload problems--I've gotten steadily more calm and less reactive since starting this summer. It isn't a magic wand to wave away bullies, but since bullies get their jollies off of your reactions, "less reactive" will put some of the power they wield over you back into your own hands.



Aspieallien
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17 Nov 2010, 7:07 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Because you'll never get rid of her. If you complain she will just act like you're talking about stuff she didn't even know she was doing.


Exactly right, she will put on such a convincing act you sart to dought yourself. She will give it a break then for a bit and then start again.


Cuterebra,

Your right, I have to try not to give her any reaction, this will take away her insentive. A lot easier said than done.

I like the idea of the meditation, that would be worth a try.


Thanks again everyone for your ideas.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Nov 2010, 12:38 pm

Aspieallien wrote:
I have had bullying issues at work for quite some time. Things had improved on what they were for a while until today.
A female supervisor who has identified all of my meltdown triggers is at it again. She was constantly hovering over me watching my every move, sitting in my seat, and then staring at me from a distance. She kept treating me as if I am stupid, pointing out things I clearly already knew about my job. She was then rushing ahead and starting some of my tasks, as if to make a point.

These triggers send me into a melt down. I just totally shut down, and can't do anything. She is increadebly cunning to the point of genius.
She will have everyone so convinced she is so nice while she sharpens her trusty daggers behind your back. She is so cunning you even dought yourself, because she can make her attacks so subtle. I didn't realise how much it affected me because it had improved for a while. Now I feel depressed again and see the affect it has had on me.

Has anyone encountered this kind of super cunning bully before, and how should you deal with them.

I have dealt with these situations before. Usually I just stop being around the person, but it's not that easy to avoid supervisors at work. What you can try is direct confrontation between her and you in private. Tell her you need to be allowed to work on your own and do better when you feel you aren't being rushed. It's not a good idea to go to others about what she is doing to trigger meltdowns. Take it to her first and see if that helps. Try to cultivate a warm, close relationship with her. I realize this is easier said than done and I have emmense trouble doing this myself, but, if you can accomplish this, you will be better off.