Are Aspies drawn to oddball/misfit people more so than NTs?

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ruveyn
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20 Nov 2010, 6:18 am

I should think it the opposite would be more likely the case.

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wblastyn
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20 Nov 2010, 10:18 am

Yes, all my friends are odd. One of them is being assessed for AS.
She tends to attract a lot of weird people (me being one of them :p). I suppose I am more drawn to them, as I feel more confident and am able to be myself.



kx250rider
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20 Nov 2010, 11:32 am

I've always been an outcast from the social inner circles, so if for the sake of this discussion we call the social inner circles, "the norm", then yes; I'm inclined to seek the oddballs, since they're usually more interesting and intelligent, and have more fun toys :wink:

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20 Nov 2010, 11:33 am

A lot of people who have either learning disabilities, plus a myriad of odd people, are attracted to me. People who are out of the norm are more interesting to hang out with.



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20 Nov 2010, 1:36 pm

I tend to attract and be attracted to unusual people.


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Dnuos
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20 Nov 2010, 1:43 pm

Typically yes, people are more drawn to people who are more like them or understand similar experiences. Aspies typically don't really get very far in the social ladder, whether it's because they don't want to or just can't (or both), so find others who also don't follow the same norms.

I love people who are "odd". Almost could say "refreshing", people who are different, as they aren't the same people I feel pressured to be "normal" around. They're not pressured by social norms, and I hate social norms, so... yeah.

I haven't really made any friends yet in college but I'd probably still prefer these kinds of people as friends. :3



Cicely
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20 Nov 2010, 2:02 pm

I tend to like people who are misfits, or who struggle with the same things I do. But in some ways I'd rather deal with a regular NT. They're more predictable.



KissOfMarmaladeSky
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20 Nov 2010, 2:36 pm

Dnuos wrote:
Typically yes, people are more drawn to people who are more like them or understand similar experiences. Aspies typically don't really get very far in the social ladder, whether it's because they don't want to or just can't (or both), so find others who also don't follow the same norms.

I love people who are "odd". Almost could say "refreshing", people who are different, as they aren't the same people I feel pressured to be "normal" around. They're not pressured by social norms, and I hate social norms, so... yeah.

I haven't really made any friends yet in college but I'd probably still prefer these kinds of people as friends. :3


You're lucky that you're in college. I still have to wait four more excrutiating grades until I find anyone with my interests...

I, too, admire those of the weird or arcane. They just seem more interesting than talking to people about celebrities or South Park.



merrymadscientist
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20 Nov 2010, 4:09 pm

I admire people who are different but self-confident and comfortable with it and liked by other people despite being different, although certainly in the past I used to find them slightly scary as more unpredictable than normal people and more likely to flatten my (then) weak self esteem. I am now more extrovert and comfortable with myself anyway, so maybe I am starting to become more like these people I admire.

People who are misfits I certainly respect more than socialites, but don't necessarily get on with them better. My friends have generally tended to be a bit nerdy, not very social, although there are some very inclusive accepting NTs in there too. However, I don't often find such people very interesting inherently, although we may share certain interests. There are two overt aspies that I know, who I don't share interests with and don't find interesting. They are both exteremely careful to greet people and small talk with them (in a stilted way), and I find that as boring as the NTs do - however, the NTs humour them and say how nice it is that they are making the effort, whereas I cannot and just lose interest (why make the effort when it only gives you the semblance of friends? I suspect that for them it is not an effort but a complete lack of ability, whereas for me I am aware of my own lack of ability and aware of how pointless faking it is, and so it becomes a huge effort to make a passable attempt). Behind their backs the NTs often laugh at them, which I would never do - I respect them, but because I don't find them interesting and can't bear to small talk back at them, they undoubtedly like me less than the condescending NTs.

The inclusive accepting NT friends I have I feel as though I get on with very well, although I have no idea whether they feel the same about me, or whether they are just extremely good at appearing to do so (they tend to have huge numbers of friends and are friendly with everyone who isn't obviously unpleasant).



Titangeek
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20 Nov 2010, 7:46 pm

if i had any friends i imagine that they would be odd. Normal people are boring (hents the words normal, lol)


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20 Nov 2010, 11:10 pm

bee33 wrote:
I find that I just don't really understand people who live in the mainstream. Their concerns seem so mundane and uninteresting. I have nothing to say to them. My few friends are all oddballs, thought I didn't specifically seek them out to be odd, they are just the ones who stuck around.


Same here :) I tend to steer away from the folks who start talking about the latest fads, b/c I know I'm going to be annoyed by their flock mentality. Although they are useful when I want to find a trend to oppose....find the style that is most popular, and assume the other extreme :D

The odd people do find me, and I fall for them....hard. I love the eccentric girls who really don't fit into any one category....are they emo? hippy? new age? grunge? let's try....disinterested? Yes!! ! I seem to have a great time with the sexually ambiguous/asexual crowd as well. I think many are just as happy as I to find someone who gags involuntarily when affronted by transparent ideals and fashions. And if they like hats....BONUS!

I don't have many, but the friends that I have are amazing, and I would not trade them for a million dollars....even if I was offered a million dollars worth of sketchbooks!



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21 Nov 2010, 4:17 am

I would be king of the Island of Misfit Toys.


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Quiet_Cobra
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18 Dec 2016, 4:28 pm

I am not sure if my friends are oddballs or misfits because some are quite popular (I don't know if misfit is the correct terminology.) but they have very different personalities despite their commonalities (Reading, etc.). Some like drama and are extroverts while others are shy and introverts. Also, some are studious and others are more laid back. Hence, they have very different personalities and I definitely find them 'odd' in comparison to myself but I'm not sure.

I find it difficult to judge character but I am fairly sure that some of my friends' interests are considered odd or not. To answer your question, I find myself drawn to people who those who aren't extremely popular but my friend group is a very new one which was created as a result of me leaving my old friend group and joining my best friend's one (We used to be in different social circles.). I think I am drawn to those with common interests, like most people, but also those who don't have many friends at first. Most of my friends started off as very unpopular and some 'leveled up' in the social world with age.

For tl;dr: I am drawn to unpopular people who share my interests.



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18 Dec 2016, 4:41 pm

I like people who are nice and people who are intelligent. I like people who are accepting of me, but won't set limits on me and are interested in my goals.



Noca
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18 Dec 2016, 4:47 pm

All of my close friends in my life I've except one has been atypical. I really connect much better with those who are different than those who are NT.



Grammar Geek
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18 Dec 2016, 5:49 pm

Absolutely. I have two very good friends that I met in high school, and the three of us hang out together sometimes. One of them is close enough to the spectrum to have been tested for autism, but didn't receive a diagnosis, and the other shows a lot of signs but was never tested. None of us can get romantic relationships, although one of my friends doesn't have any desire for one, so I don't have to worry about either of them spending time with any prospective girlfriends instead of me (which might sound a little selfish, but it would make me much more depressed if the other guy was dragging a girl along when we hung out).