Are parents of kids on the spectrum tougher?

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My parents would not let me whine or complain when I was a child. I was hit when I was bad and was told to expect no special treatment for having ADHD because no one cares that I have ADHD and they will not give me any breaks because of it. I was told they will treat me badly if anyone finds out I am disabled because the strong always push the weak out the way. I was also told they will laugh at your tears if they make you cry so do your best to make them cry first and watch how quickly their friends will laugh at them instead of you. My parents were both poor both from large poor families that had nothing when they lived in War, West Virgina. My dad quite possibly has Aspergers he had fought in the vietnam war in the first air cav. He held down a well paying manual blue collar job managed to buy a duplex and 96 acres of forrested land where he gardens and hunts on the weekends so he can be by himself. He started with nothing but now has something to be proud off despite being slightly autistic.

My Mum was tough on me when I lived with her. She used to hit me and we used to get into physical fights. When I was little she used to pull my hair out every time I had a meltdown. I am diagnosed AS and paranoid schizophrenia but she has more understanding of the second one than the first one. I live in supported accommodation now and our only form of contact is texting conversations. Much better that way.

On the other hand, my Dad is firm but has only got seriously angry with me about four times in my life.

My father was (and still is) tough on me. Add to the fact that he's a gun collecting conservative Air Force veteran who tends to be closed-minded to a changing society (doesn't like hispanic people, and gay people make him nervous and do not get him started on Obama, he throws a fit. I also think he may be a little nervous around certain african americans as well only b/c I worked with one for a time and had to let her go. Not my decision, it was his. I forgave her of the cause for her dismissal. I may also think he's a bit uneasy around me or disabled people in general b/c some time ago he almost slung out the "r" word in an angry phone call) he often shows favoritism towards my brother and his friend and my stepsister (who's in college, he never wanted ME to go to college ), ruined my sister for life by telling her she wasn't part of his family. HAD ME STERILIZED AT 19!! (again not my decision but I forgave him even tho he denies he did wrong and claims it was for the best. MY MOTHER'S FAMILY WOULD DISAGREE!!) Hit the moon when he found out I told my mother's family ( YOU TRY CARRYING THAT GUILT AND SHAME AROUND FOR TWO YEARS!! ), Hit the moon again recently after being frustrated at me not having a paid job or a new provider! COME ON!! I'M TRYING MY BEST AND PUTTING FORTH THE EFFORT!! AT LEAST CUT ME SOME SLACK!! Or right you can't b/c you're not the "touchy-feely" type. There is a lot A LOT of paperwork to sift through first before I can even get a job but no...you want to see me get that paycheck PRONTO!! And the weird thing with him as far as jobs go it's never about the sentiment of the work (you know, Helping someone, Learning a new skill etc.) no, it's about "How much money I can make". I'm a christian! I'll use my money for practical things like paying my bills or giving it to the church 4 or 5 sundays a month! As soon as I get money I figure out ways on how to use it because I believe money changes people.
Lately he's been on about how I should spend my money. he's been telling me not to spend so much!
WTF?! ! Don't tell me something I don't already know, Mr. "I-have-a TV-in-every-room-in-my-house-and-can-still-afford-my-guns-and-take-my-wife-on-a-cruise"!
He also has a tendency to exaggerrate my spending. He'll say I eat out everyday which is not true (I eat out sometimes but not everyday, this also leads into him calling me overweight which is really offensive. I will admit to putting weight on yes but I'm not so big I can't get in and out of my apartment!)
He also says I shop too much. YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!! !
But then again Shopping is like a second form of stimming to me (when I feel like doing it that is or when I get really overstimulated about something) He also takes stabs at my special interests no no scratch that not stabs, blows! And every time he's insulted them it hurts! Imagine dealing with this at school. well I've had to put up with it MY ENTIRE LIFE! (school and home)
When I moved out I had to create a friendlier enviroment for myself. People who came in who didn't understand me unless I got to know them and allowed access into my world (i'm very open like that) but as for my family, I don't think things will ever be the same. You try recovering emotionally after your father called you a b*tch to your face and made you feel as if you were a burden and embarrassment to the entire family.

I have lots of rules. There are consequences to breaking them. I tell my kids "no" a lot. I limit the amount of sweets they can have. I make them go to bed early. I force them to brush their teeth and shower, even though they don't like it. They don't have things that their peers do because I do not feel it is appropriate at their age. I restrict the media they are exposed to.

Neither of my kids would call me "tough." They would not call me "mean." Because despite all the things I do, I also do not raise my voice (well, very rarely), I do not get physical with them, I do not rant, I am not erratic, I do not belittle them, call them names, or say things that I would not want said to me. They both recognize that I am "strict" compared to other parents, but they would never call me "tough." They would call me the person who always understands them, always sticks up for them, and always loves them, even when perhaps it would be easier not to.

But, yes, having atypical kids has made me stronger. For the reasons stated before by others. When people say to me "I don't know how you do it," my response is "There is no other choice." I find you just constantly take a deep breath and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. When you get knocked down--by the school district, by the ignorant person in the store, by your kid, by failing your own expectations--you just get up again and keep going.

I am actually thankful for who my kids are. They have made me a better person. And yes, I would say they have made me "tougher."

My parents are very tough. I think necessity made them tough.
My father had a brain fever when he was a child. Doctros thought he was going to die. Because of that brain fever, he developed symptoms of Asperger's, ADHD and tic disorder. He had a hard time socializing as a child. He had his first friends when he was 13. Before that age, he only had his brothers as friends. He didn't even end school, he stopped at middle school and then started working. Although he was "mentally instable", he has always been able to get a job and live his life indipendently. I think he's a very strong person, and a very good father, although sometimes he completely freaks out, and has violent meltdowns (during a meltdown a few years ago he injured a co-worker). Ahw well, that doesn't happen many times.
My mother was the eldest among her 9 sisters, and her family was poor. She has many OCD-like traits, and is diagnosed with depression, and however she can carry on her life, and she can also help us all.

No, it's just a coincidence. My mum has a daughter (unfortunately me) on the spectrum and also a son who may be PDD-NOS, but she's not tough at all, emotionally nor physically. My dad's just average.

My dad was tough, in both senses of the word. Failure was unacceptable, and good wasn't good enough. Defiance or disrespect were not tolerated, so you can guess where that left me being undiagnosed in my younger years. He was the disiplinarian, and as I got older it felt like I was always being yelled at or spanked for something. Growing up, my father would just go on rages of yelling and punching walls if someone crossed him, and my mother just seemed to accept it. One of the times I did contridict him I got smacked in the face, another time after an argument in public (over something really stupid), he took off with the car and left the rest of the family--including two younger siblings--stranded the next town over. We marched back home on foot for hours , walked in the house to be greeted with a smug look. Yeah, you really showed us. I think my sister had a harder time, being much more outspoken than I ever was.
It's different now, being much older and more removed from the situation. I still feel a mix of love and some respect warring with a hard kernel of anger and resentment, and sometimes a need for outside validation which I try to curb knowing that does no good. I still visit my parents a few times a year, but feel almost panicky doing so. The kicker is that my dad gets me much more than I think my mom ever will.