Frustrated NT Sibling needs your help

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that's good that your mom and you are working on it... just keep it up. some kids need to be told something once, some need to hear it 100x before it clicks with them. keep being consistent.

Now, the dog has helped him stop flapping his hands, taught him how to talk and play, he isn't as egocentric as he was before, he's much happier, the dog relieves his stress from school and he loves her very much.

But, reading ColdBloodeds description helped me figure things out.

So, my brother is hitting the dog because it is an expression of frustration at his schedule being changed, our Mother working the night was pretty drastic for him. He hits to let out his frustration, so I'm going to search for the visual schedule my mom has and go over it every morning and night. Each time he hits the dog and mom isn't here, I will do what she does. Scold him, explain, and prompt an apology, move on.

Okay, I have another question. How does it make you feel when your schedule is changed?
How do you feel knowing in advance that it will change?

Pensieve,

You're right, there needs to be MORE understanding. So, that is why I'm asking these questions so I can further understand my brother on a deeper level.

It really helps that posters on here are giving advice and insight.

Pensieve,

You're right, there needs to be MORE understanding. So, that is why I'm asking these questions so I can further understand my brother on a deeper level.

It really helps that posters on here are giving advice and insight.

My mother and I were talking about impulse behavior yesterday....

Hmm.....

I need to think about that, I can dissect the problem if I learn more.


What is impulse behavior?

Is it doing something wrong without understanding that it is wrong?

If he's younger, you could keep on explaining that it hurts the dog, and ask how he would like it, if a giant dog did that to him.

It's doing something without thinking but for people on the spectrum, especially younger people it has to do with not knowing any better.
Do you do the star reward system? If your brother is being good he gets a star and one taken away by bad behaviour. I'm not really sure how well works but people do it to teach ADHD kids. You can scold and punish an ADHD kid all you want but they will not learn from it. It's like that for autism too.
When I was punished I would just be in fear of being belted. It's not like I knew what was wrong and right and why they were wrong and right.

About the changing schedule thing...can't think of anything more terrifying. I just freak out. Well, have a meltdown. I can't cope with change. I remember when my mum got a job working late. I did not like that but I don't remember how I acted. I kept to myself a lot.
If someone tells me when something changed then I'd be more prepared for it.

My older NT brother used to exhibit the same behavior toward our dog. Beatings are quite effective. :)

I don't know how to undo sadism, but you shouldn't leave the kid with the dog at any point.

Edit: well it looks like you've found a solution, that's great.

Many people in my RL surroundings think that I lack spontanity. If they ask me to do something with them (even something very enjoyable like shopping for books) my reaction usually depends on how far in advance they ask me. If they ask me like "Hey, I just decided to go book-shopping, do you want to come along?" I will usually refuse because this is simply too sudden for me. If instead they ask " I think I will go book-shopping tomorrow, would you like to come along?" I am much more likely to do so. If they ask the same thing three days in advance, I will almost always come along. (Of course the amount of time other people need to prepare for a change in routines may vary from my personal needs.)

I have also found that the bigger the change, the more of an advance warning I prefer. The more enjoyable the change in my routine will be, the less advance warning I need.

With me, it is just AS, not full-blown autism, so my routines are not as clearly defined as those of many other people on the spectrum, but I still have certain expectations of how a day should go. I usually know in advance which days of the week I go to the city to attend my lectures and which other days I remain in our village to work on my exercises. Also I prefer to do things like shopping or seeing a doctor in the early afternoon as that is the time I usually perform best around people.
A sudden change in schedule makes me feel like I am missing out on my routine and like it will be difficult to rearrange the rest of the day so that I will be able to "catch up" on things. Sometimes I also feel unprepared for an unexpected activitym e.g. I may not know whether I have everything packed into my bag that I will need during that activity.
I hope this is helpful in any way as I do not know how to better express my feelings at the moment.

That explanation was VERY helpful.
Thank you so much!

This is an easy problem.

First off, if he's violent and hitting animals, that's more likely some kind of Psychopath - seriously; he's likely been misdiagnosed, thus he's not getting the treatment he needs.

Personally, I think your brother isn't autistic at all, he's just a dick.

Autistic people tend to bond with animals - more than any other form of neurological subset. Your brother is displaying signs of Psychopathy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy

Sorry if it's a bit of topic, but I also think hitting dogs is funny, while realizing that it's unethical.

First, let me point out that the people on the autistic spectrum lacking empathy is the biggest load of bull excrement on the planet. If there's one thing people with ASD react strongly to is them or someone else being treated unfairly. Use that to get him to stop hitting. Tell your brother that he's treating the dog unfairly. The dog is not responsible for Mom working nights, but your brother is still, essentially, punishing him/her for it. Point out an analogy with his teacher unfairly blaming or punishing him for something he didn't do, then tactfully explain that he's doing the same thing to the dog. Given how frequently aspies get blamed for something that wasn't even remotely their fault, your brother will definitely understand the concept of undeserved punishment, and once he understands how he's "punishing" the dog unfairly, he will definitely stop hitting it.

Then again, if the hitting comes from built-up anger, a stim of some sorts, or dislike toward the dog, then whatever I said is a moot point. But still worth pointing out.

Thank you Aspie1, I'll give that one a try.

So, it's like people on the spectrum have difficult expressing empathy?

Can you explain that to me please?


And whoever tried to take my brothers impulse hitting and compare it to a symptom of pyshcopathy obviously needs to do a bit more reading.

The animal abuse that psychopaths inflict on animals is far worse than my brother hitting the dog.

A psychopath abuses an animal for the sake of seeing it in pain and my brother isn't like that.

I know that when kids bite, a great way to immediately cure that is to bite back, but I hope your poor dog never is pushed to defend itself; it would be an absolute shame if it had to be put down. I really agree with the posters who say you should tell your parents; if the dog eventually fights back, at least they'll know that it was definitely not unprovoked.

Get rid of the dog. It's not fair on the poor animal. Its the only solution here. There are other things he can hit for therapy.. things that aren't alive.