Autistics need intellectual stimulation not love and nuture

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I was put into a special education because they mistook my autism for a learning disability even though I was never learning disabled. All I got out of it was a feeling of I was not good enough for college so I never really tried. The classes were too boring for me I spent most of time reading fantasy and sci-fi novels. No one even bothered to yell at me when I was doing something other than learning about the subject being taught in that class. I think if they had a program set up to take students to colleges to show them around and get them interested in the college experience I would have tried harder and at least made an attempt to get into college.

I'm going to use this. I'll give you the proper credit

The best way to build confidence in a child is to give them respect and dignity and let them know that you value their intelligence and opinions by making them use it.

actually i would agree with that except not by making them use it but encouraging them.

this is not the same as only intellectual stimulation, to me it involves nurturing

Not every autistic child craves intellectual stimulation. People assumed that's what I needed when what I really experienced was constant cognitive overload. It really depends on the person and you can't accurately make broad statements about what all autistic people need.

(Don't take this as meaning I like the gold star system or approve of intellectually understimulating people who need more stimulation. And don't take it as meaning I've never been vastly underestimated because that has been as much a part of my life as overestimation. I just really don't do well in the kind of environment that you claim is best for autistic people.)

Also, while preparing people for work can be good in some contexts, not all of us are cut out for the work world of our cultures either. Of course few people really are cut out for a world that treats workers like objects and corporations like people.

Anubend I wasn't necessarily referring to academics but in all aspects of life. We don't need people to talk down to us or manipulate the conversation so we can understand.

I somewhat agree with your post but not your topic title. I am not a loving nurturing person myself nor do I really care to be around that kind of person now but it's more or less because my childhood lacked that than anything. I say lack because it's supposed to be there but my dad worked all day and came home and slept. My mom was at home all day but she did chores all day long, if she didn't have a chore she'd find one. Hell tonight before dinner I announced that I had the "world record" for best gas mileage in a Nissan Maxima and that nobody was proud of me. My mom didn't say anything. She never tells me anything besides I need a job. She is CHALLENGING me to get a job. Is this what I need? I have been receiving it for 6 years, all of which I have been trying to get one (though effort has declined as time has gone on).

I would say that I don't like being "challenged" so much as I like accomplishing things, but that may be a result of how I was raised, I was always one of the smarter kids in the class, I even got better grades when I didn't try.

I agree that Autistics need love but you can get that from family and friends. Positive reinforcement is important but there is a fine line between recognizing real accomplishments and meaningless praise over simple things. I could have and should have been one of the smart kids but I was Dx'd long before I got to elementary school so they I had already been in therapy sessions and had already been made to feel "special" every time I did something simple. I knew that none of my friends went to those therapy sessions so I already had a complex even before I got to school. I was mainstreamed most of my life, so it embarassed me when my mainstream classroom teacher would treat me "special," and give me cute nicknames, and praise me in front of the class. I know I can not speak for all Autistics, but it is better to treat Autistic children the same way you would with any other child and give them special affection only if they demand it.

In addition, my parents had very little expectations of me. I always knew I was college bound, but my father would always say "Aim for B's, if you get C's that's okay too," so I already had an perception before I went to high school.

I think we need empowerment more than anything else. People think we need to raise autism awareness or indoctrinate Aspies into killing themselves and becoming another person, but what we need to do is to encourage people to stand up for themselves. Not that I'm against all social skills training. It's good to know the practical aspects of socializing, but we don't need to be molded into a personality that society considers ideal.

We are a very vulnerable group of people, and we need to be self-sufficient and fight against all this contempt and discrimination. We can seek intellectual stimulation on our own, but mental toughness is a must.

Hmm, I get what you are saying and I agree to an extent. But I think there are ways of showing love and nurture that are not typical NT touchy-feely ways.

For example I really love my mom because she has supported all of my special interests over the years and listened to me go on and on about them. She also likes to hug me and say "I love you" too much. I don't need that but she does. I just need her to keep listening to me.

To me, that is love and nurture and intellectual stimulation all in one.

I would suggest setting up a reward system based on individual interests. If, say, an autistic enjoys computers and other technology, then set up a system in which they must earn point credits by achieving goals at increasing levels of difficulty. They will then be able to exchange these points at the end of the course for a particular item of their choice, such as a cellular phone, a musical instrument, a computer, etc. I believe this will be most practical for NTs and autistics alike, as it will prepare them for the real world in which material possessions are earned by means of hard work.

I agree with this:

And this as well:


And all of this should be adapted to the need of each child as much as possible.

disagree.

it may be that connections are important to us but the need gets suppressed from failed attempts. i mean, physical affection may not be a virtue, but love definitely is. for every person.

I agree with the OP, but I think it goes for all schools, not just autistic kids specifically.

Perhaps the OP is unconsciously complaining about PC school curriculi? I've heard that many schools these days have things called self-esteem programs where they tell you a bunch of fake BS to make you feel good about yourself. Click here for an example; the article supports the OP's assertion for NTs as well.

Or silly things like sports where everyone wins or score isn't tallied (the kids are keeping score even if the teacher isn't) so that there are no losers and everyone feels good. Or not using red ink because it makes kids feel bad, especially when they did a bad job. Or not correcting spelling and grammar errors lest you hurt the kid's feelings and discourage him from writing. Yes, school districts have passed rules like these.

Real life isn't like that, and so it's harmful to teach that to any kid, autistic or not. But since autistics are more literal, perhaps they don't react to that as much as NTs, don't feel any warm and fuzzy feelings due to see through it's fakeness.

Kids who do a bad job need to experience failure. It's a motivator. When I failed (D-) my first exam in college calculus 3 it shocked me into working as hard as I could in that class until I pulled it to an A+. If the teacher put a silver star on that failed test and told me to work for a gold or platinum star next time then I doubt that I'd have had much motivation to better myself.

And if not using red ink actually does make NTs more successful in life then I really am living on the wrong planet.