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Being over obsessed with perfection. A normal AS trait?

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momsparky
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07 Jan 2011, 9:13 pm

theWanderer wrote:
Second, I know that I learned, as early as two, to hide my differences as much as I could, even from my parents. Any suggestion that I was wrong was something I perceived, instinctively, as a threat. The overwhelming impact of a world that expects us to put up with things that are unendurable - to us - without complaint and expects us to act contrary to our natures seems to have that effect; at least it did on me. So even an "innocent" attempt to help me get something right impacted me as "Oh, no! One more thing I'm wrong on; one more thing to mark me out as weird and a target!" This wasn't consciously thought out when I was younger, but looking back, the instinctive reaction was definitely there.

In the second case, it is not so much about the individual message, but about the context of that message. Anyone who hasn't lived through the experience of being squashed by the overwhelming pressure of the NT world simply cannot imagine what it is like. In that context, the mildest correction is a huge deal.


Right - I'm pretty sure this part is what's happening with my son. Unfortunately, there is no way to remove this context right now (we are working as hard as we can on improving the environment for him at home and school, both physically and socially) and he still needs to learn.

I can't blame him or you for feeling this way - but it is handicapping, particularly in elementary school where teaching is done largely with correction.



MarkMartino
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07 Jan 2011, 9:31 pm

I started into theater so I could learn what normal human interaction looked like, but I also found I liked having the deadlines of an opening night helped teach me. When I started writing music, it was for theater, because that deadline meant I couldn't obsess forever and actually had to produce. As I did, I learned that not only could no one else but me have really heard the difference between 96% and 100% perfect, my 96% perfect far exceeded what most people considered 100%. And now, I deal with publishing a lot, so the deadlines continue to be really helpful. Even when there aren't built-in deadlines, I set them for myself—or else I'd never finish.


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conan
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07 Jan 2011, 10:18 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
I've recently come to accept that one of the reasons I'm so "lazy" and sloppy is because I'm a perfectionist.

If I'm going to muster enough energy to do something, I'm going to want to knock it out of the park. I rarely have the time or opportunity to do projects to the fullest extent (and in the exacting detail) to which I want to do them, so I don't bother in the first place. I can't even live up to my own standards.

Oh, irony.....

:x


i have come to that conclusion about myself too