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Cornflake
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16 Jan 2011, 5:28 pm

1. Failing to complete far too many things. I lose the initial drive very quickly and descend into a dark pit of self-doubt about why something's not been completed, why I get distracted far too easily. Always with the "why". I dig and dig and dig into myself looking for the reasons, hunting for failings - and there are many, but I have no idea how to resolve them. That hurts.

2. Difficulties in dealing with people. The frustrations of having no meaningful or significant relationship as a result isn't exactly a happy time although on the whole, I get by. Often I think everything's going Ok but then I get a (metaphorical) slap in the face as it turns out I've actually been pissing the other person/people off mightily. I had no idea, and that hurts. Then the "why" machine starts up as for (1).

1 and/or 2=depression, but fortunately not as often as it once was.


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wavefreak58
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16 Jan 2011, 6:40 pm

Avengilante wrote:
Amik wrote:
I was constantly bullied at school and neglected and abused at home. I was misunderstood by most people and I struggled a lot socially and had no idea why.



There it is.

When the world treats you like sh*t all your life, its kind of hard not to get depressed. I think we should be commended if we aren't depressed constantly. It show tremendous intestinal fortitude and strength of character.


Yeah. I can see bullying sewed seeds for depression. An additional factor would be persistant degrading language from parents and siblings. Which I guess is a form of bullying, eh?


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Adam82
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16 Jan 2011, 6:57 pm

-Not being understood by family
- Having emotions but not being able to express them well
- Feeling isolated, lonely, few friends
- Money, jobs, a girlfriend, and my inability to get any of these things.

All these things cause me much depression.



Verdandi
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16 Jan 2011, 7:04 pm

Chickenbird wrote:
They do that, the "last straw" thing. I've done it too, but I hope never to do it again :( I'm more direct now.


I've done it, but I definitely try not to do it. I hate the way it gets done to me (and other people) without any sense of internal consistency or any communication that anything is wrong right up until the last minute. It feels like I've found myself in the middle of a minefield filled with unspoken, invisible social rules.

A lot of it is lack of communication and assumptions about my mental state - these people tell me what they assume I am thinking as if I am really thinking it. It's frustrating and depressing because it's simply a catch-22 at that point.



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16 Jan 2011, 7:37 pm

I went to middle school as a happy child. So many people let me know I was not acceptable, I felt like I had to fix whatever was wrong if I wanted to survive. I worked at it and learned to accept myself. It was definitely a defining experience that I think motivated me to go farther in life, than I would have ever gone without it; so I can't be mad at the kids that gave me the criticism. Fortunately for my mental health, I received alot of acceptance from my family, so I felt challenged but not depressed.

I suffered from severe depression in my early twenties, after getting disconnected from the people I grew up with. I came out of it when I got connected again. I had a great life for many years with no hint of depression, but it was a constant monster that I knew was lurking in the background. I had a thousand coping mechanisms to make sure it didn't happen again. As I got older, one by one, my coping mechanisms failed, and I developed an atypical nerve issue that causes constant pain in my eye.

I think that the acceptance issue may be the biggest trigger for depression in people with Aspergers. I think if we say we don't need people it may comfort us in some way, but I don't think it changes the fact we are still social animals. A perfectionist nature may be the result of the acceptance issue. A perfectionist nature assumes that as long as we have control over our lives things will be okay, but that is an illusion. I think that depression is natures way of letting us know a change is needed for the better. Not liking change can result in the inability to move out of the past and adapt to life.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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16 Jan 2011, 8:32 pm

cvam wrote:
Hi,

For those of you who have suffered depression (enough to seek counselling) what seems to have triggered it? Was is your own propensity for depression or was it due to school environment/work environment/family/social environment?

If you had had a better time in middle/high school , would you have had a better self image? were issues at school the defining moments of your life?

For me, it's the same things that triggers it in others. In certain situations, anyone can develop a depression if the situation is severe and long lasting. It can cause the seratonin levels to decrease so that they stay low even when the situation changes for the better. Bad situations over a prolonged period of time can cause depressions.



Arminius
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16 Jan 2011, 9:22 pm

I am eighteen and have already been to four therapists.

aghogday wrote:
So many people let me know I was not acceptable


That was part of it. Between the IEP system and the idea that I should be "normal" my childhood ended around age six. I got very little acceptance from my family. The few people who gave me unconventional love when I was a child are dead. I finally made a life for myself at a crazy art school just in time for it to fall appart. Then I changed schools and moved three hundred miles between junior and senior years, finishing high school somewhere else. Add that to existential angst, the travails of college life, and the aches and pains associated with playing tuba, throw in the end of a five year relationship over Christmas, and one can understand the black cloud hovering over my head. The result of my wretched past is not true depression, not until something goes seriously wrong. The rest of the time, I am quietly tormented like characters in Gothic novels. Only the black sense of humor that has kept this post a bit tongue-in-cheek prevents me from being completely insufferable. My solution to an overly eventful life has been to throw myself into my work and move happines a few rungs down the priority ladder. When a teacher held me after class to express concern, I growled something about happiness being unnecessary for good grades.



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16 Jan 2011, 9:36 pm

Loneliness, perhaps. An inability to share experiences and emotions with others. Also, the constant embarrassment that comes with the disorder.


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raisedbyignorance
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16 Jan 2011, 9:42 pm

Years of getting bitched and yelled at by family, friends, and society for things that are beyond my control. :(



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16 Jan 2011, 9:52 pm

The thing that caused my depression was the lack of understanding that got from my parents, teachers, peers, sister and her friends.


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16 Jan 2011, 9:59 pm

MrLoony wrote:
The thing is this: If you hold on to the past, let if affect your present and your future, then your life will always suffer for it. In order to have the best life you can, right now and in the future, the past must hold no power over you. Live for the present. If nothing else, live for the future. The past is dead; it is not for the living.


I try very hard not to think about the past, but I can't get it out of my head......it comes back, things people have said seem to be stuck there. I might be minding my own buisness, and things people have said will replay like I can almost hear the insult again......I know its inside of my head obviously not external but it throws me off a lot of times and aggrevates the depression. I am not sure how to let go of something if it comes back to me like its happening again and I have to relive whatever reaction I have or have a different reaction. I guess what I am saying is when the past makes itself present.....how do you ignore it.



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16 Jan 2011, 10:48 pm

A year and a half before I was found out I was aspie I was in the midst of a really bad spell of depression that was brought on but social failures at work along with a whole store remodel that caused daily changes that ruined any sense of comfort I had working at the store. I finally got out of that funk when the spring semester started up as I had enough money saved up to resume college again.


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Chickenbird
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16 Jan 2011, 11:32 pm

Helixstein wrote:
Loneliness, perhaps. An inability to share experiences and emotions with others. Also, the constant embarrassment that comes with the disorder.


Well said :(

What is really depressing me at the moment is that I know heaps of other aspies in real life, but they don't know, and are too busy trying to "make it" to realise that I am their best bet for friendship. I know what I am, but they don't. So I am a one-person subset of a small subset of humanity. In real life, I mean.

If I was in a wheelchair, I could associate with others in wheelchairs. This doesn't seem to work that way.



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16 Jan 2011, 11:44 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
Frustration with never really understanding why the results of my actions were never what I hoped or expected.


Says it beautifully. Loss of hope due to repeated failures with a lack of understanding exactly why I failed.



manBrain
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17 Jan 2011, 12:33 am

I find that what triggers depression in me, is accumulation of dysfunction overall.
More specifically, the belated realisation that dysfunction has reached a critical level.

The dysfunction develops (e.g decline in relationship or bank balance) and I am not aware of it. By the time I am aware of it, and take action to try to remedy the situation, it is too late to "fix" it.

Then, I think of myself as stupid and lose confidence. Not stupid for what I may have done wrong (sometimes I have not done anything wrong)... but stupid that I have not noticed the dysfunction, until it is too late.

Each time this happens I think I am back at square one, meaning that I have not learned from my experiences. This is depressing.



alexi
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17 Jan 2011, 12:57 am

A prolonged (4 years) lack of routine in my life before I knew just how much I needed it.