I went to a support group

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I remember seeing an essay somewhere, that was about a person who has (IIRC) William's Syndrome. On seeing a group of other people with the condition for the first time, she was sort of horrified. All the things that she'd felt bad about in herself (and had tried to hide) were suddenly on display right in front of her. It made her hate them, in a projected self-hate sort of way. IIRC she eventually came to see the dynamic and the bad feelings lessened. For the life of me I can't remember the title or the author of that piece. The theme of it was "disability shame."

There's an AS group in a city a ways from where I live that had a free showing of an autism-related movie last year. There was a bit of discussion afterwards. I didn't stay long, due to wanting to get out of the big-city traffic before dark, but it was a pretty normal-looking group. No stimming, or other 'obvious' odd behavior that I could see. And jobs, college, strings of significant-others, and such. I was hoping to run into some "fellow burnouts," but didn't see any 'obvious' cases. But then, I don't look 'obvious,' myself, or even know what exactly 'obvious' would look like. I have to go back sometime and, like, actually talk to people. (Can't know someone's story until you actually hear it.)

I guess I felt a bit intimidated. My current life is SSDI+SSI, living with parents, haven't worked in 10 years, and I don't have my 'impressive' cognitive skills anymore. I'm not sure how many people can understand that sort of stuff. So, I guess I was worried that I'd be the "lowest functioning" of the lot.

The Autism NZ meeting in Auckland has a core bunch of goers from all levels of function, and noobs popping in to see if its for them.

The core group changes slowly as people leave, and others begin to go all the time.

For me it was initially valuable to see others on the spectrum.

However, the value of attending all the time was minimal, as I'm lucky to get out a fair bit anyway.

What we find most distasteful in others are our often own worst characteristics.

It's like someone held up a mirror, and you were surprised and not too happy about what you saw.

I think it would be a good thing to keep going and process those feelings, wavefreak. Accepting it in others might be a step to accepting yourself a bit more readily.

I had a bad time accepting that I might be 'disabled' or 'handicapped' in some way, I think it was all ego. I think I've good qualities, and that helps me accept my weaknesses. And knowing and accepting your weaknesses is a strength. It helps you make better decisions in the future.

I can relate. I've been to social groups for aspies and they spent the whole time talking about the simpsons. No idea why anyone would think pizza and a "chit chat" is a good idea for aspies. Ive been to one support group, which was brilliant, but it had to stop running, unfortunately.

I feel the whole "omg is that what I'm really like" followed by shame for feeling that way about my fellow aspies.

Oh man, I am RIGHT THERE with you. I went to a support group maybe 4 weeks after I was Dx'd and it made me ill. I have been wanting to wash this disorder off me since that time even. The havoc that I see autism wreaking on lives just makes me want to cry. On the other hand, I am learning more about disabilities and people with disabilities and first impressions than I ever had in my life. I am profoundly changed from my experience of actually talking to these people who appear ret*d but, in fact, have very intelligent and interesting things to say and observe. I have gone to 3 meetings now and it is getting easier, but I was terrified, mad, sad and freaked totally out from being put in a room full of my autistic peers.

We are REALLY a weird group of people.

Autism NZ uses a facility with a hard floor and a no curtains room for their meetings. The echo and noise is unbearable when crowded! How caring, not!

One thing I noticed is that the government head doctors mix and mingle, keep an eye on us for possible boil overs and melt downs, or behaviours that may put the public at risk.

Apart from meeting other aspies, the only thing I got out of it was free espresso and chocolate biscuits.

I would love to know what notes were made of me by Gment paid quacks, but that incisive and critical assessment of my condition will forever remain secret, except to those in authority who are patched members of the G gang.

Going along to aspie meetings is a bit like checking yourself into an institution.....

Are you thinking of anything I've written about such a woman? Because if so it did not end well. I read about her in a book. She actually violently mutilated her own face by the degree of self-injury she did if she saw anyone with WS or even her own reflection. She never got over it. When she was dying, she was inconsolably terrified because she felt she was meeting God and she was horrified to meet a God who would make her like this. She got that way because her parents obeyed what they interpreted as the politically correct thing to do, and not only put her in mainstream education, but went a lot further and kept her away from all people like herself growing up so she never had the support of people with similar experiences. So she grew up believing herself uniquely defective. By the time she saw anyone like herself the damage was done. The author of the book was contrasting her with another person with WS who had always been brought to groups of people with WS and had a much healthier self-image.

pretty strange to hold a large meeting for people with sensory processing issues in a hard surfaced echo-ey room, and to hold an unstructured meeting for a bunch of folks who usually feel more comfortable with structure.

If it was me, I wouldn't go back, unless some changes were made. You come across really articulate here in writing, maybe you could email the meeting organizer and suggest they change the room, or add carpets, softer furniture, whatever to make it absorb some of the noise and also maybe add some structure in the form of activities, like a speaker, or a video, or demonstrations. I don't know. I really enjoyed some of the get -togethers for the local hospital's autism spectrum program, but they had sort of groups spaces set up, some tables where the nurses handed out different pamphlets on community programs, someone was doing a sushi demonstration, how to make it, and if you stood and watched, you could try a piece of sushi, they had a short program of music performance, maybe 20 minutes with a piano and a guitarist, and also they had conversation groups with sofas and coffee tables and there would be a puzzle or other interesting craft material- I think they had one with different beads and someone showing bracelets that could be made ( no video games or anything). Anyway, it was all set up in a big gymnasium that is usually pretty loud, but they had carpets on the floor and the soft furniture and it made it better. They also lowered the lights- not the bright fluroescent lights they usually have on in the gym.

I'm really glad you made this thread, as I can really relate to everything people are saying. Like how reading posts on WP is one thing, but meeting aspies in real life is another thing entirely. I've been wondering about whether I should go to my next AS meeting, and I think I'm gonna go due to this thread. The consensus seems to be that confronting this head in is a good way to find acceptance.