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arondight
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26 Jan 2011, 9:07 pm

Try to develop a smile, doesn't have to be an ear to ear thing just something that shows benevolence. I don't smile and bare my teeth at all, just a slight smirk and a lightening of the eyes. Its unsettling to people I assume, to speak to a person whos demeanor barely gives off any hints about them and as I've learnt some people genuinely don't percieve you as being happy unless you're sporting a smile.


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syrella
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26 Jan 2011, 9:12 pm

Yensid wrote:
syrella wrote:
I've also been told that I have "cartoon" expressions. So I'm either deadpan serious or totally goofy looking.


I've been told that I have an unusually expressive face, whatever that means. It's odd enough that, I have been told, I stand out in a group. It's probably the same thing that you're describing.

Yeah, exactly like that. I'm not quite sure what would cause it, though.

Mimicry? Overcompensation?



raisedbyignorance
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26 Jan 2011, 9:56 pm

arondight wrote:
Try to develop a smile, doesn't have to be an ear to ear thing just something that shows benevolence. I don't smile and bare my teeth at all, just a slight smirk and a lightening of the eyes. Its unsettling to people I assume, to speak to a person whos demeanor barely gives off any hints about them and as I've learnt some people genuinely don't percieve you as being happy unless you're sporting a smile.


Yeah but I can only focus on smiling when it's the only thing I need to focus on. Smiling and communicating PLUS eye contact is impossible, mind torturing multitasking that only a pro can do!



sterfry
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26 Jan 2011, 10:07 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WAwDb3Zb1o[/youtube]


I usually give a rediculously over the top smile when people comment on my stone face.



Jediscraps
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26 Jan 2011, 10:22 pm

I can smile when I feel like it. I remember I've been told it takes more muscles to frown than smile and so I should smile. Yeah right, my face is relaxed.

I don't understand people commenting on people's faces. Recently I was asked something about if my face always looks like this because I'm hard to read. I said this my normal face. I think I have enough facial expressions, it doesn't seem like I don't. I don't tell other people to look or make facial expressions for me. That seems like weird thing to do and yet people do it.



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26 Jan 2011, 10:32 pm

I get that from time to time, one ex was especially bad for having a go at me for not smiling - do people really expect us to smile all the time like Cheshire cats? I don't understand, no one smiles all the time so why am I expected to?

I think I also have the problem that when out alone I frown a lot - I only notice when I see my reflection - I have very little knowledge of how my face looks or what facial expressions I'm pulling.


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Puppygnu
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26 Jan 2011, 10:57 pm

Fake smiles from NTs sometimes make me feel uncomfortable. I would never tell a person to smile.



Anspaughnato
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26 Jan 2011, 10:58 pm

Yea, I don't smile that much.

It gets super annoying when people ask if something is wrong or if I'm mad when I'm just using my "normal" face.



arondight
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26 Jan 2011, 11:08 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:
arondight wrote:
Try to develop a smile, doesn't have to be an ear to ear thing just something that shows benevolence. I don't smile and bare my teeth at all, just a slight smirk and a lightening of the eyes. Its unsettling to people I assume, to speak to a person whos demeanor barely gives off any hints about them and as I've learnt some people genuinely don't percieve you as being happy unless you're sporting a smile.


Yeah but I can only focus on smiling when it's the only thing I need to focus on. Smiling and communicating PLUS eye contact is impossible, mind torturing multitasking that only a pro can do!


I was the exact same as you described. I had to literally tell myself (mentally) to smile. What I do is not to smile throughout a conversation but to smile when I greet a person and this is usually enough. So see if that works for you. As for eye contact, its still uncomfortable for me, I saw the suggestion here to look instead at the forehead or at the nose tip. I just take occasional glances at these areas and people don't seem to mind too much. Try experimenting with these and see what makes you more comfortable, don't try to change everything all at once or it will feel totally wrong. Smaller steps. Also its exhausting for me so from time to time just take a moment to yourself. It helps immensely if you're free to just be yourself at home though.


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Avarice
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27 Jan 2011, 5:34 am

I've always thought that there are triggers in the minds of most people. When something we will call x is said/done and you don't respond in the manner they were expecting one of these triggers "goes off" and then they ask a question related to it. For example, they tell you they got a new girlfriend. If you don't smile you're going to have to deal with a bunch of irritating questions.

If you've ever seen Blakes[sic] 7, think of Avon's limited facial expressions. That's me.



analyser23
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27 Jan 2011, 5:43 am

I get this a lot. My year 5 teacher even wrote it on my school report that I don't smile enough! Mum used to have to tell professional photographers (when I was a kid) to please stop trying to make me smile because I WILL NOT lol

And then, yes, the strangers that walk up and say "Smile", or "It's not that bad", when I wasn't even upset!! Boy they made me mad.

My theory is that
(a) I am a very authentic person, therefore I only smile when I authentically, naturally smile whilst interacting with someone.
(b) I am so "inside my head" most of the time, that I just kind of "leave" my face. I come so inwards that my body around me just literally stops getting used and hence there is this "absent" look about it, kind of. Does that make any sense? lol

Liz



vileseagulls
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27 Jan 2011, 6:01 am

analyser23 wrote:
(b) I am so "inside my head" most of the time, that I just kind of "leave" my face. I come so inwards that my body around me just literally stops getting used and hence there is this "absent" look about it, kind of. Does that make any sense?


That's me every time I stop to think!

It only causes me problems when I argue with my partner, she says my face goes blank when I'm upset or angry, it drives her batty. I can smile forever, but I've never needed to practice negative emotions.



Pandora_Box
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27 Jan 2011, 6:25 am

analyser23 wrote:
I get this a lot. My year 5 teacher even wrote it on my school report that I don't smile enough! Mum used to have to tell professional photographers (when I was a kid) to please stop trying to make me smile because I WILL NOT lol


This is me exactly.



Cornflake
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27 Jan 2011, 5:52 pm

"Oh cheer up - it can't be that bad!"
:evil:
This usually comes out of the blue and interrupts what I was thinking about, which annoys me. In a few cases I've then launched into a tirade about how constantly wearing an inane grin would indicate nothing about my happiness.
But I do actually smile quite easily at all sorts of tiny things that most people don't even notice.
Just not to order or when I'm "expected" to.


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