Unable to read social cues or just distracted

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I miss social cues because ...
I am unable to see them 23%  23%  [ 9 ]
I am always preoccupied with my own thoughts 13%  13%  [ 5 ]
I'm too shy to look at people 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
I'm find it painful to look at people 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Some combination of the above options 55%  55%  [ 22 ]
I do not have that problem 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
None of the above 5%  5%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 40

alone
Toucan
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14 Feb 2011, 11:05 am

I approach all social interaction with fear. Even little encounters .. the person approaching at a park. I look at the ground but when they pass by I feel a little anxiety. Short little encounters, paying for something, they leave an imprint. People are absolutely unpredictable I don't know how to not pay attention. My friends/family/acquaintance gatherings are unbearable. I am fixated on the room dynamics, unable to remove focus on 'the tone setter'. It is exhausting. I try to go with the flo but I have to pay attention or I might sit somewhere and go to sleep, it is intensely difficult for me to get through. I can sleep almost on demand when I am in overload.

:oops:



Franklin
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14 Feb 2011, 1:51 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Mostly it's just distraction for me, I just don't routinely scan people, and even when I do look at them, I'm usually just thinking "yup, make eye contact, smile a bit, now what were we talking about?"


This. Very much so.

I get some cues, but sarcasm usually gets by me, as do most subtle jokes. Then sometimes in anticipating sarcasm and subtle jokes I goof up big time. For example, the security code thing for registering a new user on this site, the big block with the letters... well I couldn't figure out which of them were supposed to be the code... sounds silly I suppose.

So I tried a guess at the letters once, maybe twice.
Wrong.
So, then I saw the thing about if you're blind email alex ... blah blah blah... So I emailed alex and asked if it was meant to be a joke... because I couldn't figure out the letters. Well, I go back to the registration page and hit back and clicked the link again, or refreshed, or something, and it gave me a new security block code thing. This one was a little easier I guess 'cause I got it, but anyways... I suppose I may have gone a little off topic... :?



Mdyar
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14 Feb 2011, 4:19 pm

peterd wrote:
The slow recognition of cues we can synthesise from learning doesn't count - only the near-instantaneous stuff that, if you're like me, just doesn't work.



I've read about a "study" in that Asperger's people do O.K. with "reading and interpretation," 'in controlled test conditions.' It's in the real life- fluid circumstances that it doesn't hold up well.

There is a cognitive understanding here, but the "hole" is covered consciously-- it's a translation.

In my experience, I've noticed that it only takes a possible misinterpretation/ misunderstanding to trip you up, as you're stuck "there" now, and are railroaded by the oncoming traffic. You walk away in a neurological entanglement, figuring out it out later.



Yensid
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14 Feb 2011, 5:47 pm

peterd wrote:
The slow recognition of cues we can synthesise from learning doesn't count - only the near-instantaneous stuff that, if you're like me, just doesn't work.


I can recognize expressions pretty quickly, but I have to be really focused. It's a lot of effort for me to be so focused.

Maje wrote:
With one other aspie girl, I communicate on a different level because I know she understands the situation the same way as I do. Nobody notice this communication, and it separates us from other people and their realities. At some point I was embarrassed when talking to other people while she was watching, because she understands everything. She is also better than me in dealing with people sometimes. Im just not used to be understood, so our relationship is exeptional.


I envy you your friend. I wish that I had one person that I could relate to like that.

syrella wrote:
I tend to misread people. For me, predicting what someone is feeling is akin to an elaborate guessing game and based on pattern recognition I think. I try to be sensitive to people's feelings, but I often get it wrong.


I think that I am okay at reading faces. It's just hard for me to focus on it, and still maintain a conversation. I think that I'm relying on pattern recognition too, not the innate ability that NTs have.

ToughDiamond wrote:
Mostly it's just distraction for me, I just don't routinely scan people, and even when I do look at them, I'm usually just thinking "yup, make eye contact, smile a bit, now what were we talking about?"


Yeah. It's hard for me to care to look at people to decode their expressions. There is always something more interesting to look at.


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Yensid
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14 Feb 2011, 5:56 pm

alone wrote:
I don't know how to not pay attention. My friends/family/acquaintance gatherings are unbearable. I am fixated on the room dynamics, unable to remove focus on 'the tone setter'.


Interesting. It seems like the exact opposite from me. I never know who to focus on. It seems like I'm always paying attention to the wrong person.

Franklin wrote:
I get some cues, but sarcasm usually gets by me, as do most subtle jokes. Then sometimes in anticipating sarcasm and subtle jokes I goof up big time. For example, the security code thing for registering a new user on this site, the big block with the letters... well I couldn't figure out which of them were supposed to be the code... sounds silly I suppose.


I think that everybody hates those things. It usually takes me a few tries to get past them. Those things are evil.

Mdyar wrote:
I've read about a "study" in that Asperger's people do O.K. with "reading and interpretation," 'in controlled test conditions.' It's in the real life- fluid circumstances that it doesn't hold up well.


I can believe this. I can pass the tests, but the real-life situations just are beyond me.


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Maje
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14 Feb 2011, 6:35 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Mostly it's just distraction for me, I just don't routinely scan people, and even when I do look at them, I'm usually just thinking "yup, make eye contact, smile a bit, now what were we talking about?"

But if it's distraction that primarily stops me from reading social cues, the very fact that it stops me would mean that I'm not very good at reading them, having not had enough practice. Nonetheless, I've seen some important clues when I managed to look for them and when the clues have been fairly strong - I've seen anxiety, happiness, sorrow and anger. I'd have probably benefitted if only I'd known what to do about them.


I dont rutinely scan people either, only the people that are interesting to scan. The rest I completely ignore, unwillingly. Some people have my attention and I dont know how to describe it other than that the way they are expressing themselves is interesting and therefore I pay attention. If you call my name without affection or ->(I cant describe it)... I wont hear it. I hear it if somebody wants to tell me something or wants me to pay attention Im there. It seams like I ignore things that is expressed without the appropriate emotion. People that dont "fit" to themselves or that are dressed and behave in a way that makes them match the background, I dont see. If I look at them though, I dont think that I have any slow processing, but the opposite. If I am in a conversation I can only follow without concentration trouble if my conversation partner really wants to express what he/she is saying. I dont know how to describe this better :?



Maje
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14 Feb 2011, 6:56 pm

alone wrote:
I approach all social interaction with fear. Even little encounters .. the person approaching at a park. I look at the ground but when they pass by I feel a little anxiety. Short little encounters, paying for something, they leave an imprint. People are absolutely unpredictable I don't know how to not pay attention. My friends/family/acquaintance gatherings are unbearable. I am fixated on the room dynamics, unable to remove focus on 'the tone setter'. It is exhausting. I try to go with the flo but I have to pay attention or I might sit somewhere and go to sleep, it is intensely difficult for me to get through. I can sleep almost on demand when I am in overload.

:oops:


Why dont you just look at the human species as a bunch of interesting animals... If I happen to be in a boring family gathering or the like, I concentrate on my own way of seeing things and thats when I dont care that I would miss the bad jokes etc. I have often so much trouble to suppress my laughter because people are honest and it would be absolutely wrong to laugh. This goes also for the impression of people who approach me for short moments at a park for example. Maybe Im not taking people seriously, but do I have to? Am I mean? I dont mean to, and I know people want to be taken seriously but often I just cant help it.



Major_G
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14 Feb 2011, 8:33 pm

syrella wrote:
I tend to misread people. For me, predicting what someone is feeling is akin to an elaborate guessing game and based on pattern recognition I think. I try to be sensitive to people's feelings, but I often get it wrong. So I end up asking the same questions often... "Are you OK?" "Is everything alright?" in hopes of them telling me. Because if they don't tell me, I have no way of really knowing. I find this method works pretty well, but it isn't appropriate everywhere and it can get annoying for the person I'm trying to talk to.

Definitely this. Also like some other people mentioned, I find that I can read social cues somewhat better if I'm not actually in the situation myself.