Capable of hatred?

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I believe that I am incapable of hatred. Just don't do it. Don't understand it either.

I'm not very good at hating people. I'm a very likeable person, and if I do hate someone, I would never let them know.
I'm not keen on one of the managers at work, and when I see that she's in, I think to myself, ''f**k sake, don't say she's in again today. I was hoping it would be the other manager!'' But then when the manager I don't like speaks to me, like ''good morning'' or ''can you start working on so-and-so'', I then think, ''oh she's all right.'' Then the next time she does something to annoy me, I go back hating her again, then when she speaks to me again, I speak civil back to her.....

I know this may sound very odd, but personally I don't like being a likeable person. I'm not saying I want to be someone everybody hates, because that would be horrible too. But people keep taking advantage of my nice nature, and because it's not in me to be assertive against what people want me to do, I just let them walk over me. If they suddenly drop me as a friend, I get really upset, then when they ring back, like, 6 months later and say, ''I wish we still can be friends - do you want to meet me at so-and-so next Friday?'', I would jump and say, ''so nice to hear from you again! Of course I will meet you!'' People soon realise the pattern, and think they can treat me the way I want, simply because I don't hold grudges or show that I am upset with what they have done, or anything like that.
It's just that I get afraid to hold grudges or say no or anything. Last time I tried being assertive to some friends who had been using me, I told them how I felt - and I got bullied for it. I got bullied for suddenly stepping forwards and sticking up for myself. So there you have it. I get caught in a trap, and if I say no I will lose their respect. If I say yes all the time, I will still lose their respect. I don't know if I went slightly off-topic there, but never mind.

Interesting.

Real hatred and imagined hatred.

I guess I could work up some hatred, but for some reason, I never spend much time imagining how other people think or feel. It really is a TOM thing, for me at least. I'm amazed sometimes how clueless I am about what goes on in other people. I'm so clueless about it that it's almost like other people's thoughts and feelings don't even exist. All that exists is their externally perceivable communications. For me to imagine that someone is hateful towards me I would have to imagine states of mind that aren't even part of my awareness.

What a lot of fascinating insight...

Joe90, totally agree. If someone some part of me sees as a porcupine says something nice to me, I assume that they are good once again and any negative opinions instantly evaporate. Like wavefreak, I am not able to determine how other people think and feel. On the facial expression recognition test in the 'scientific tests' permanent thread in this forum, I 'passed' but in nearly all of the cases the expression that I read on the face was not one of the available answers and so I guessed.

I should go back to living entirely on the internet. Words are easy to understand.

In a word: Yes.
In more words: Some people make their feelings about you so abundantly clear in such direct methods that all that remains towards them is hatred. I'm fine with that, I keep it to myself among NTs. I've learned to carry it on my own, there much of an alternative. If I tell any of them about it even if it's not them I hate I get the usual stuff about how I'm now allowed any negative feelings because of my AS since my emotions aren't real and there's obviously there's never a real reason behind my feelings that I want to express. But if their boss was being a total b***h then they're perfectly allowed to express at length how much and why they hate her. I'd sense a certain amount of hypocrisy, but I don't think I'm allowed to pick up on that either according to these people.

I can't say I've ever felt 'hatred', it's an incredibly strong word that I, (personally) associate with violence and I've never felt the urge to be violent towards anyone, no matter what they've done.
It would have to be something really, really evil for me to hate anyone; I hope I never experience it!

I do tend to bottle up feelings of anger towards people who have hurt me, and if they've really hurt me consistently (I tend not to 'catch on' or give people 3rd and 4th chances!), I won't have anything to do with them.
I 'fester' on the anger for a while (which is hard work and stressful!) and then my feelings towards them becomes indifferent......but I never forget.....

I do hold grudges. It's almost next to impossible for me to forgive people and forget, extreme as that may sound.

I'm sorry but I am with my bother WaveFreak on this one. What you are saying is that you first have to "care" that they are thinking anything about you. That is WAY beyond me. I actually am happy that I am broken in this area of my life as it appears that causes most of you a lot of anxiety, etc. For me, not so much... I honestly do not care most of the time.

I hold grudges, yeah, but in the past, I've found myself letting go of them too quickly when the person started talking to me about it and I basically let them sweet talk me into saying everything's alright again. This is a weakness I am fixing.

I might take it a step further. Sometimes I don't even know that I'm supposed to care.

I remember in 6th grade some kids (I guess they were the tough crowd) tried to give me some "candy". I found out years later that it was a sheet of LSD tabs and they were trying to get me to take one. At the moment of the encounter, I really had no clue what their intentions or anything were. The only reason I declined was they had always treated me like crap and I was confused that they were offering me candy. Couldn't really make up my mind, so I just retreated into my shell and said no. I had no sense of their duplicity. I don't think I figured it all out until maybe 20 years after the fact.

Even today, I don't feel hatred toward these people. In the 7th grade the same kid choked me with shoe lace until I passed out. But I never remember actually hating him.

I'm slow to anger but if some one really pushes that button hard, on purpose or for some personal gain, I can hold a grudge indefinitely.

I still have a real problem with anger and 'fights'. After a fight (many times I don't even realize it's a fight, it's still a discussion to me) with someone I can't reconcile the feelings... if we disagreed so strongly, why would we remain friends? Or if my SO says something vile to or about me in the heat of the moment, I can't let it go. I can forgive and move on (sort of) but I can never forget. It's always lurking there, making me wary. And fighting, in anger, is a guaranteed shutdown. Stop talking, turn and walk away.

I remember once, in my 20's, getting absolutely lividly angry. Without crying. Without the need to run away. Just fuming and ready to pounce. It felt so good! I was angry and giddy and proud of myself. Unfortunately, it was a one time thing.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have just realized that you have to hold some people at a distance. You can never trust them. You can never let them get close enough to you to convince you otherwise. It's hard though, because some people are impossible to avoid.

Yes, this describes very well how it is for me, too. When people do hateful things to me, I´m totally confused, and it usually comes as a big surprise. I don´t feel like I hate them, it´s more like it´s *their* problem....they seem to have a problem with *me* for some reason, though I usually can´t fathom why!

But having said that, although I don´t feel hatred towards people, I do feel very uncomfortable around people who have bullied me, thwarted me or betrayed me in some way. At some point, it becomes apparent that they have something against me, and when this happens I feel that it´s very difficult for me to be in the presence of those people. My eye contact gets much worse with those people- (like, I can´t look at them at all), and I just have such a strong sense of discomfort that I try to avoid them as much as I can.

I also admit there are times when I dwell, and try to wonder and analyze about why these particular people seem to be against me. I don´t forget a betrayal easily. I guess that´s a defense mechanism.

I'm capable of both. As a child I didn't have it because I kept forgiving people and they keep hurting me again and again. Then I started it when I got to age 11 I think because that's when mom started taking me to a shrink.

I still find myself forgiving someone when they are nice to me and I can't find myself to be mean to them or unfriendly. I guess that is a good thing. But then it just makes me feel two faced. Same as when I say I will never be nice to this person again and then I do end up being nice to them.

Then I just can't feel hatred inside me anymore about a same person after it's in the past. Then it comes back when I hate their behavior when they are acting that way again so I feel hatred.

True dat.

I am full of hate and revenge over any slight against me. I have spit in peoples drinks, smeared feces in their coat sleeves, threw their car keys on roofs of buildings and in ponds, put woman's panties in married men's cars, and told people what my enemy said behind their backs to get them in trouble or if I am lucky beaten up. Start trouble with me and watch what happens.