Why the beatings or rapes disfigure the personality of some

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Yes, definitely. My two daughters are now in their 30s and still having difficulty seeing the harm done and the long-lasting effects of my having abandoned them when they were young.

Sometimes I am even afraid to ask questions due to fear of it being taken the wrong way. I have learned every time you ask about something, people think you are being judgmental. But wouldn't I be judgmental if I made an assumption without even asking about it first to understand? Don't people judge without even bother trying to understand or even ask questions first to look into it more? Judgmental people do not do those things. They make an assumption and assume it's correct without even looking into it or even asking questions about why.

People are stupid.

More like simply ignorant, I would say, in the sense of not knowing and understanding the person doing the asking. So yes, asking questions can sometimes be dangerous when we ask them of people who might not be willing or able to be sure they actually understand well enough before responding.

Why are you so sure there was any harm done and any effects? It's them who can judge if there was any sort of harm done to them, after all. People are so quick to look for denial and similar things.

I'm sure if I was raped, the only feelings experienced by me would be INTENSIVE desire for revenge. If I was given my rapist to me, I'd rape him with various items in turn to make him feel the same - for many, many years. I'd be perfectly happy with this

I once saw a post of some young female who wrote a rape performed on her didn't cause her any trauma at all but it was a sexually arousing experience to her.

I understand, but the thought of denial is not even part of how I assess things. And, I was not meaning to say *all* people simply *must* have consequences pop up later. Rather, I just see what I see in relation to my daughters.


It is not impossible for me to imagine someone saying that, but I would find it completely out of order for someone to ever suggest that kind of thought to a victim of rape.

Actually, people in the aforementioned "rape thread" reacted negatively to the use of the phrase "non-violent rape."

There is no such thing as "non-violent rape" as "rape" in of itself is a violent act. Even in cases where the rapist doesn't beat the stuffing of of their victim, rape is STILL an act of violence.

Anyway, THAT was the primary reason the thread was locked. The negativity surrounding the "rape thread" had little to do with being "judgmental."

Rather, I just see what I see in relation to my daughters.

But it can be just the issue of your interpretation of some things about them.

Actually, people in the aforementioned "rape thread" reacted negatively to the use of the phrase "non-violent rape."

Still, though, there can be more and less violent rape.

As to the OPs question, I don't think anyone can give you a definitive answer. People react differently, some of it's genetics, some of it's learned behavior, some of it is having good social support, some of it we just don't know why a person will react a certain way. Some people might be total wrecks, others can keep it together but, well like I said, for some there are things that will sort of trigger reactions whether we're aware of it or not.

For a very long time I didn't even consider why I would get so pissed over trivial things. I wasn't even looking to remembering those bad times, I just wanted to isolate what steps I could take to be able to be in the places it happened in more. I honestly thought it was just my AS. But my AS doesn't trigger such strong hostile reactions in situations with similar external stimuli. I mean I do fine in malls. I get tired, but I don't start snapping at people that they're stupid because they forgot where a store was. It was only once I realized that that I thought "What is it about these places that's causing such a stressful response? What do they have in common?". And in the end I arrived at the answer that the only thing they had in common was I'd been convinced I was about to die in those types of places when I was younger.

I wouldn't have called myself traumatized back then, pissed off sure, still am. I still don't think I meet that traumatized criteria. But without me realizing it I was reacting on some level to being in places my brain had a long time ago mentally put into the 'unsafe' category. To me it wasn't strange, if you'd asked me a few years ago I'd have told you I didn't have any aftereffects of what happened. I needed a lot of time to even think to question that my reaction wasn't just an extra dose of a AS sensory overload.

I have trouble understanding it too. The only thing I can conceive of it producing would be a distrust of others.

For some people, childhood abuse has a defining effect on virtually every aspect of life, especially on social interaction and personal relationships. It steals childhood and has a lifelong effect on health.

The NSPCC is now reporting a 1 in 4 rate of childhood sexual abuse and severe matreatment, which is in line with earlier estimated from Ireland: One in four people in the UK, aged between 18 and 24, claims to have experienced severe violence, sexual abuse or neglect as a child, says the children's charity the NSPCC http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12449643

My apologies for that. It was because I didn't know the word "violence" could include things that are not physical. All my life I hear expressions of "a violent storm", "say no to violence" (could refer to war) and so I somehow missed the fact that violence could mean anything that is against someones will. Like I wouldn't have thought that murdering by poisoning someone would mean "violent".

I was talking about something else. About asking questions in general and how people take things the wrong way when you ask questions. But thanks for explaining anyway for why people reacted the way they did in that thread. I was mainly thinking of Babycenter when I made that post.

From all the mental and physical abuse I sufferend durring my school years and from random strangers I have become a mistrusting, suspious of everyone, sometimes violent, and depressed lonely person thats sits in front of a computer all day that I am right now. I am quick to accuse and attack, anyone for insults both real and imagined. I cannot even accept a compliment because I do not know if it is real or they are just jerking me around for a laugh. I could not imagine how more twiwstted of a person I would have become if you threw sexual abuse as a child into the autistic brain of mine. Child sexual abuse is the most horrible act you can preform on another human being. How did you escape without any scars? I just got picked on and beat up everyday and I am a wreck of a human being.

Do you feel compelled to be a perfect human being?
... u are influenced by the dictatorship of dignity; dignity is too valued