Being taken advantage of...

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I will go ahead and say that I have been in an abusive "relationship" once, where all the guy wanted was...yeah. I have been...not sure how appropriate this is to say...date raped twice by the same guy. I'm okay, and I'm clean, but most of my relationships have been fine. I know rape isn't supposed to be the victim's fault, but I often wonder how much of it was my inability to read social cues properly....

Hope I wasn't too graphic here!



-Mallory

It took me a very long time to learn how to be nice without being taken advantage of. It makes you so mad because you try to do what other people want, and say the right things and they turn around and treat you like crap for it. Then not only are you mad at them for being such a butt, but you get mad at yourself for being so stupid. It snowballs when you keep ending up with the same kind of guy. I read a lot of books about being assertive and I worked a lot on my self esteem. I just found a book the other day actually, "when I say "no" I feel guilty" ...that was a biggy. I went to therapy too, specifically for this reason and that helped me figure out how to balance being nice and taking care of myself at the same time. It was a long journey though, but it ended up OK. I actually married someone I was friends with for 8 years. I knew him really well so I took a chance. Hang in there. You will find someone that will appreciate you, and you will be rewarded. Keep the faith!

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry.


I see now that this guy fits that category.

Thank you for this. It makes me feel good to have support on issues like this.

I don't care how much trouble you have reading social cues. Rape is NOT alright, and it's NOT your fault. I have also been in abusive relationships, and I can sit there and tell you exactly why I was in them and why all of that happened. That doesn't mean it was my fault. They have no right to do that, I don't care who you are or what you do! People who believe they are responsible end up locking themselves into relationships like this because they feel they are deserving in some way, or they asked for it. I'm glad you were only in one...Don't be hard on yourself. That was NOT your fault at all!! !! !

You're welcome. It's tough to find someone. I can't tell you how much I hated dating and how happy I am to be married. I was just not good at it. It's really really hard. You are very young. You're nice, and you will find someone who values that in you. I didn't get married until I was in my early 30's and I married my friend.

I agree.

Exactly that is all they want to do. In my case, I have fallen for the wrong women as well as the wrong men. But now that I'm older, in my late 40's, I don't do it as much as I use too. I really try to be careful about who I'm attracted too. I don't want to help anyone anymore, let them help themselves.


edit: Sorry, Thanks Hartz for posting the article.

Not anymore. I was taken advantage of in my first relationship. Last one, no.

I was the last one to figure out he was a leech and I wasn't important to him and he was full of it. My parents already knew but I thought they were making assumptions and being judgmental so I didn't believe them and well it turned out they were right. I think they picked up on something I didn't pick up on. I think my brothers knew too but didn't say anything. I wonder if there is some social rule about bad talking someone's partner to their face? Even if it is the truth.

Same thing happened with this situation except it was my mother, and NT sister.

I get taken advantage of by "friends", girls who have used me either to get help with their studies (i.e. have me do assignments for them) or in one case to trick me into borrowing an exorbitant sum of money and never pay it back ...this has happened to me so many times that I'm afraid to talk to any of my uni classmates now..........

I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship.....but never had a man take advantage of me in the sense of misleading and using me.......My ex (the abusive one) wrote me a list of 17 things that I needed to change about myself ……..

I almost wrote this same post. Yes, it's never the survivor's fault. Someone had to choose to abuse or rape, no matter what. Not realizing it's likely to happen isn't culpability at all.

That's happened to me numerous times too. It doesn't hurt much with me when girls stab me in the back. It's harder for guys with me.

Yes .The ones who are worse I seem to fall for the hardest .

Same.

Why my computer keeps double posting I have no idea.