Am I the only one who feels this way about some Aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

I've seen a really horrible instance of that particular issue (like the kid would do something really truly obviously naughty, and the parents would just get them sensory integration therapy). It got to where the family was competing for the autistic kid's approval, and therefore nobody gave the kid any boundaries, at all, of any kind, pretty much. At this point, they're an adult, and much worse than just someone who uses autism as an excuse. They're someone who does things that if they were not diagnosed with autism and an intellectual disability, would get them put in jail, a really really long time. They don't appear to have a conscience, even though they appeared to have one in young childhood like around age seven. Now the family who still compete for their approval, are not only making excuses for them, but afraid of them. Because the autistic person has done things like casually try to kill people for not doing exactly what they wanted right then.

That's like... the most extreme version I've ever seen of spoiling someone like that, and boy is it ugly. I don't think every autistic person would turn out like that by a longshot, but I think this person could have been a responsible, mature person if they'd just been raised by people who weren't simultaneously competing for their approval, and afraid of them.

I've heard this too.

I think partly it stems from training myself early in life to smile most all of the time and pretend to know everybody (since I have a problem recognizing people) and being extra friendly. I have a big "relief" reaction when I DO recognize someone, so that makes seeing them appear to be more welcoming than I intend.

That kind of behavior saves me from ignoring people I should know, and in general I'm pretty happy anyway. But it seems to me that most NTs have either never heard of AS or they believe negative things about AS people.

It really scares me, because let's face it--I do sometimes do rude, annoying things, whether because I have AS or because I just feel like being rude/annoying. But the people around me will automatically attribute everything I do to the fact that I am autistic--good, bad, or indifferent. And that's quite an issue for an imperfect person who sometimes really cannot help annoying other people without even knowing it and is occasionally bitchy simply because she's human... I get outright paranoid sometimes, scared that if I do or say the wrong thing it will reflect on all autistics, everywhere. It's not just "Oh, that girl is annoying," it's, "Oh, autistic people are annoying." Like it or not I'm apparently a representative of the spectrum to the people around me...

It does suck but in a way it's true of all groups. If you're the only person of color in a group, how you act can mold the others' opinions of other people of color.

I worked mostly with men in the IT world and was always being scrutinzed as the only woman. They would make big general comments that ranged from "this is why we don't hire more women" to "we need to get more women working here!" - depending on my performance.

In a way we do represent. Like it or not.

I think this sort of behavior stems from how your raised as a child. When I was raised by my parents and family, no one knew of AS or even thought I had any form of autism or thought anything was really wrong. Their main impressions was that I was shy, and liked to do my own thing, collect what I collected and played with what I played with, whatever my special interest would be, despite it being out of the ordinary. But they raised me like I was a normal child, but understanding of my weaknesses with social interaction and being around people. If you want your child to be a functioning member of society, you must raise him like a normal child, be understanding of his weaknesses with social interaction, and develop his interests into a life long, rewarding career. Obviously, there will be more breakdowns than normal, more difficulties, more struggles. What I'm saying is much easier said than done, especially if you are the parent of an aspie, but if you baby him, like any child, they'll grow up that way. AS children need much more attention, and an understanding of their weaknesses, but not sheltered. I'd say try to involve them just like any normal child, with attention to their differences.

But, as an Aspie, I know when I'm being an ass and when it's because of my deficits. Everyone is an ass at times, it's human nature. But whenever we intend on being an ass, Aspie or not, we all are well aware of it.

To be honest I sometimes use it to justify (to myself) things I've done or said that other people find unacceptable but it's a two way street, normal things other people do can upset me and things I think are fine can upset normal people. I can either be plain and switched off or I can be myself at the risk of hurting peoples feeling sometimes. Other people aren't going to change for me, I don't demand that everyone becomes vegitarian for example so I'm not guilty about it one bit.

My mom believe aspies are self centered people and don't care about anyone and don't give a s**t if they hurt somsone's feelings. She said they just go "too bad."

I know this is not true for us because I have met lot of aspies online who do care and I can remember mom telling me I had good things about it and not the bad things such as being self centered and not caring. But what about people who don't even have AS and are that was too? Even my mom is aware there are people like that who don't even have it.

The aspies around your age will probably pull that crap a lot more. But yeah, I've run into that. It's pathetic. Drop those people right away.

I have seen aspies online who were jerks but at least none of them pulled the AS card.

I get annoyed by those types of aspies. AS is not a license to be a jackass.

I get annoyed by any jerks, AS or not. I have only noticed people seem to pull the honesty card to be a jerk, AS and non spectrum people. If someone likes going around insulting people and then they claim they are just brutally honest or honest, I don't buy it.

Its all relative, isnt it.
Some things are terrible excuses, others are an explanation.
Its important to see both sides and judge the situation from the view point I believe.

Here is the thing:

When I insult someone on accident or offend them, I apologize. But I do not mention my AS or else it will look bad. If I don't think I did anything wrong and that person was just sensitive, I will apologize they are offended but not for what I've said. I still won't mention my AS or else it looks bad. IMO it would indicate I knew what I was doing and I just said it because I think I was entitled to due to my AS. That's how I see it when others mention their AS in those situations so therefore I don't mention mine. Sometimes I edit my posts even if I think I didn't do anything wrong but if a bunch of people were getting upset by it, I just either change a word they got upset by or delete it or take out some stuff they got upset by to end the madness so people will leave me alone. It just depends on the situation. If I am in a bitchy mood, I probably won't. But is that because of my AS, no. It just means I am annoyed by their dumb behavior so I decide to just leave it the way it is to piss them off more because they lost my respect and I am mad at them. I have low tolorance for that sort of crap. Can I be a jerk? Certainly. But only because some people deserve it.

I guess people have to take into account that some people may be new to AS for example, or their diagnosis might be new to them to be more correct.... or perhaps they just havent given it any time, to look for info etc and in saying" Oh that could have been/is because of my AS" maybe be just as much a realisation about something, as it is an excuse.
Ofcourse, just saying that without being willing to change what has been realised, is still ugly.
However, if the person does not in fact say that, you wont be able to know if they're thinking of that change or not.
Are they more of an ass because they dont express that thought as well? because that is the same as saying that they are based on perception only, and not whats really going on.

I dont defend it, but I think the intention behind the expression can sometimes be misinterpreted.

Also, in heated moments, when one doesnt want to give someone the satisfaction of knowing of ones shame over something, its easy to play the blame game.The second thought may come later when a person has calmed down and is less defensive.

Not sure if there is a right or wrong answer.

IRL I've worked with ASD and Asperger's people from pre-K to college age since before I was dx'd, about 15 years, mostly in tutoring situations. IRl I've never encountered this. with other people on the spectrum. With parents--yeah, but not the kids or adults who are on teh spectrum themselves. Since I have a lot of 12 Step methodology under my belt, I believe strongly that you take responsibility for your condition, be it alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorder or Asperger's, and you hold yourself accountable for your own behavior, even when your condition contributes to that behavior. I've never been big on excuses anyhow.

I don't know what to think about the people here at WP though. My gut feeling, rooted in my personal experiences with people on the spectrum IRL tells me that there are a good number of people here who just don't act like they are on the spectrum at all. And I do see comments that strike me as people fishing for excuses for their behavior. I've even called a couple of such people out of that, to less than happy responses. It does bug me considerably. I don't like thinking something I have had to work for 12 year to understand and be accountable for is someone else's excuse for being a despicable human being. I'm proud of my progress and personal growth as someone with Asperger's. But I don't think some people here have any desire for personal growth, just an easy "out" for being a crappy person.

I think so too, though my occupational experience is only with the severley affected. I think AS has become a way for people on the internet to act like jerks, and get sympathy from others. I like to say my AS manifests very passively - I am in fact overly polite, I hate thinking I've hurt someone's feelings, and I try to be friendly. I've never been the disruptive type. I think a lot of people online even when I tell them I have AS don't believe me because they've only seen aspies as people who cause trouble.