Do Aspies stand annoying Aspie behaviour better than NTs do?

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I'm generally more comfortable around people with developmental disabilities in general. And actually less tired than I am around nondisabled people, who are harder to predict and more likely to do condescending things.

However, if it were impossible for me to be annoyed by some people, I would be a saint. Every group of people contains people who are really annoying.

Also, I am more comfortable around one subgroup (and surrounding subgroups) of autistic people than among others. The hyperverbal hyperrational kind can wear me out in conversation, because of both the intensity and precision of their words, and the precision they seem to want me to give them in return.

Thanks for your interesting replies.

I think it would be the label that would annoy me more than the behaviours.

If someone was AS and didn't tell me, then behaved in a certain way, it probably wouldn't bother me.

If the person behaved in exactly the same way and told me that they did "have" AS, then it would bother me a lot.

It would be my chequered history with the label and how people treated me that would bother me. It would be the uncertainty of what AS actually is and who I really am that would bother me. It would mean that I'd have to existentially question reality again.

This would be a shame, particularly if the person was nice.

The person wouldn't bother me, but the label would, especially if this person reminded me of a close friend or a family member.

I'd ask myself:
"Why was s/he allowed to declare and be happy with AS when I wasn't?"
"Why was s/he allowed to define themselves in this way and I wasn't?"
"Why does it seem that this person is getting treated better by other people than I was?"

These would be selfish thoughts: I'd try and do my best to extinguish them.

My brother has severe autism. I was diagnosed with AS less than a year ago. Prior to my diagnosis, my brother's stimming was extremely irritating, especially as a child and teen...when all I wanted was to fit in and have friends. He makes lots of noise and flaps his hands a lot. As I've gotten older and matured it doesn't bother me so much. Now that I'm aware of my AS and my own personal stimming behaviors I say that I can even understand...at least a little bit.

I should also mention that I have a client and a doctor with AS. Interactions with my client are somewhat stiff and uncomfortable. My AS doctor and I, however, get along very well. Some NT's criticize him for being "arrogant" and "distant", but I feel like he's the first one to actually understand me.

I hate all the labeling, yeah sure you may be an "aspie' or a 'nt' but hell, you can still be yourself and interact in a normal way without relying on knowing about different groups and how their brains are wired.

Don't worry about if you can or can not stand behavior from another person with Aspergers compared to someone who is deemed neuro typical, take each case as they come.

Looks like the take-home message is that annoying behaviour is annoyng behaviour, and that awareness makes little difference. Does that make us inferior or undesirable in an absolute sense? Or are the exceptions common enough to invalidate that generalisation?

Hmm.

I think awareness does make a difference for me.

But then there are people who are just way too annoying.

So for me it's both.

Most of what's considered "annoying Aspie behavior" doesn't even faze me. I see it and understand them immediately. On the other hand, most of what's considered "normal NT behavior" is so infuriating and painful I sometimes wish I could send all NTs to Mars, using the "no major neurological issues that affect all everyday perception and cognition PLUS sociopaths" definition (so we get to keep all the golden ADHD people and brilliant dyslexics). Perhaps oddly, I have a slightly higher than normal tolerance for ADHD behavior in nonautistic people.

People who like other people generally put up with a lot of bs. Doesn't matter who the person is, they all do it. It's the price one pays for having friends; being tolerant, putting up with stuff you don't like, like bs. Everyone can be annoying to someone else from time to time. If you have a high enough threshold, you put up with it. If you don't, you become a loner and figure you are better off being independent.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 16 Mar 2011, 4:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't. I find most other Aspies excruciatingly annoying.

Even though I have this condition I am generally not annoyed by most people. I like people that are odd or have their own take on the world. I like these people because I think they have something to offer. If a person is exactly like me or exactly like what I expect a person to be then I'm bored with them and probably annoyed by them. I did find myself, sometimes, treating others that were Aspies with the same behavior that NT's treated me with. I guess that had more to do with me wanting to have power over someone else after feeling powerless. That immaturity has sense ebbed and now I'm a very accepting person. I probably could not be friends with someone mentally ret*d or that had severe autism, but I could befriend another Aspie. As long as they would shut up and listen sometimes lol

What I'm saying is that if (and only if) an Aspie can't stand annoying Aspie behaviour better than NTs can, then they would come over as a hypocrite, even though they weren't guilty of any moral choice to act that way. It might show up very strongly in an AS-AS relationship.

When it's negative aspie behavior and extreme, it can be hard to tolerate. However, I personally think a lot of aspie traits are interesting and fun to be around.

One thing that annoys me about some Aspies is how they act like such know-it-alls, going on and on about just how much they know and even knows more about the subjects or objects I have learned about over the years, when they are completely new to them. The other thing is when some Aspies talk about only their things, never acknowledging my things and showing absolutely no empathy. But, I think the majority of those on WP are great to communicate with and I have learned a lot more about myself through the messages by those with Aspergers and Autism.

All I know is my own experience. I'm NT, my boyfriend is autistic. I have been very patient with him and continue to be patient with him, and while there was a definite adjustment period I don't find his behavior, obsessions and quirks to be annoying. There have been times when he's thoroughly confused me, but irritated or annoyed? No. I'm sure that there will be moments in the future when we get frustrated with each other like any other couple, of course, but I went into this knowing that he is a bit different than most and I am not put off by it. He has autism, and I am very willing to do whatever it takes to learn all about his condition & behaviors so that I can be a good girlfriend to him. I've said this before but I feel that it bears repeating - I wouldn't trade him for someone "easier" for anything!

My father used to "trap" us too, and my mother would relate to people by letting them monologue to her for hours (I had to endure it in my home), so I grew up to be allergic of monologuers.

Apart from that, I didn't find the aspies I've met so far interesting (for me) and they didn't like me in particular either. Then again, I only met about 10 that I know of.