Have you noticed this happen when entering adulthood?

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rabbit90
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16 Mar 2011, 12:58 am

Don't except anyone for support.

Grow up and stop depending on others.

pensieve
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16 Mar 2011, 3:49 am

rabbit90 wrote:

Don't except anyone for support.

Grow up and stop depending on others.

Look there are different levels of severity in AS so just because you can leave home and take care of yourself doesn't mean other people can.
For the record I'm autistic. If I were to suddenly decide to just get up and leave home I would probably have a meltdown followed by a panic attack followed by a seizure followed by paralysis followed by a long term shutdown followed by starving which leads to a hypoglycemic reaction followed by - well you should get it by now. And that's not exaggerating. I pretty much experience that every few days.
Some people really need to be sure that they are ready to move on and rely on some emotional support.
I mean I want to get this project off the ground, as a last attempt at making some money, but no one is responding or even blinking when I tell them. It makes me feel like shooting myself in the head. Not literally of course.

And seriously who cares if people self diagnose, label themselves and want some help from their parents. Stop being an a***hole. I might get a warning from the mods from that but I don't care because someone needs to say it.

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rabbit90
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16 Mar 2011, 8:59 am

pensieve wrote:

rabbit90 wrote:

Don't except anyone for support.

Grow up and stop depending on others.

Oh so you're following me is ya? Seeing what I be posting on these boards see? You be hatin'? I be rollin' to the mods, if similar language and insults ensue. I don't appreciate the kind of language you used in regards to me, especially when I am just trying to help.

I suppose I am just being blunt, typical Asperges, ma bad. So many people p**** foot around on these boards. If you are serious with diagnosis and help and wanting to change your life, regardless of your diagnoses or condition, my most helpful tip would be to become more self reliant and have a greater sense of self reliance and the responsibilities associated with living as and adult in the 21 century in a Western country.

In my experience and many others whom I know who have positive Autistic spectrum diagnosis, and even more who do not, have to be very self reliant, as they have NO ONE else to help them struggle and fight though this b***h we call life. Have a strong sense of self, coz you are all you have in essence.

What I just said above is basically an elaboration of what I said before in my original post.

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16 Mar 2011, 9:37 am

MooCow wrote:

It's pretty normal, you're a "grown-up" now and expected to solve your own problems...
.

Yup, that's what happened to me. I was fine when everybody explained everything to me really clearly. My parents kept that up for long enough (they were quite pedantic and protective), but the schools ratcheted their support down and their expectations up until they made it impossible. So then I began to fail.

Sometimes I think this whole planet's not much more than a down escalator. :evil:

But I'm definitely on the side of increasing support. There's arguments about birds throwing their babies out of the nest and the folly of helping lame ducks, but I think that's just what the elite and their devotees say when they want us to compete against each other so we can support them. I'd rather see a few people geting mollycoddled too much, than just one deserving case getting deprived.

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16 Mar 2011, 9:56 am

rabbit90 wrote:

my most helpful tip would be to become more self reliant and have a greater sense of self reliance and the responsibilities associated with living as and adult in the 21 century in a Western country.

Hmm. You didn't really pay much attention to what pensieve said, did you?
If only dealing with this stuff was just a case of getting "a greater sense of self reliance".
It's odd to me that you even suggest this, presumably in all seriousness.

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anbuend
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16 Mar 2011, 12:50 pm

Cornflake wrote:

rabbit90 wrote:

my most helpful tip would be to become more self reliant and have a greater sense of self reliance and the responsibilities associated with living as and adult in the 21 century in a Western country.

Totally agreed. People who think that sort of thing, should have seen me when I tried to do all things myself.

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Verdandi
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16 Mar 2011, 12:56 pm

anbuend wrote:

Cornflake wrote:

rabbit90 wrote:

my most helpful tip would be to become more self reliant and have a greater sense of self reliance and the responsibilities associated with living as and adult in the 21 century in a Western country.

Totally agreed. People who think that sort of thing, should have seen me when I tried to do all things myself.

Yeah, the advice seems pretty unhelpful. I, personally, like having a place to live and accessible food once I realize I'm hungry. Trying to be totally independent and self-reliant would be an elaborate form of self-harm.

rabbit90
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16 Mar 2011, 8:51 pm

Cornflake wrote:

rabbit90 wrote:

my most helpful tip would be to become more self reliant and have a greater sense of self reliance and the responsibilities associated with living as and adult in the 21 century in a Western country.

You only have yourself, why would you expect anyone else to help you with anything?

Maybe your lives have been affluent in the fact that you may have had support mechanisms and people there to help you, I for one have never had such a thing, and many people I know have never had it either.

I am just giving advice based on the life I have been living, a life where I have had to rely on myself and myself alone for a very long time, amongst many hardships from a very young age. I am not complaining, or saying 'woo look at me i'm so stoic', I am just giving advise based off my own experiences and my world views.

I never said that having a greater sense of self reliance will solve automatically all your problems. Maybe I was not eloquent enough but, merely if one HAS a greater sense of self then they will be more apt at coping BY THEMSELVES with whatever issues they face or ideas they wish to pursue.

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17 Mar 2011, 12:58 pm

rabbit90 wrote:

You only have yourself, why would you expect anyone else to help you with anything?

Well, I'd like to think I have my family in there somewhere if push came to shove - is that permissible?

Quote:

I am not complaining, or saying 'woo look at me i'm so stoic'

Good for you - but I don't think I've ever seen a post here where someone is actually and seriously complaining about their lot, so welcome to the club. :wink:

I think we all know what Autism is like, and we all have ways of coping with it - but for many here, that coping depends upon external support being available.

Quote:

merely if one HAS a greater sense of self then they will be more apt at coping BY THEMSELVES with whatever issues they face or ideas they wish to pursue.

I was referring to the stuff that happens which no amount of anything will stop from happening, and certainly not a "sense of self" - it's hard-coded.
Receiving (or not receiving) support because of it is something entirely different.

But what I disliked most is the way you dismissed what pensive said.
That was just crass.

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Apple_in_my_Eye
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17 Mar 2011, 1:37 pm

rabbit90 wrote:

I suspect that most people with truly significant difficulties blow past the stage of worrying about what they feel they can and can't do, and get forced to get down to what they actually can and can't do, pretty rapidly.

For me, asking for and receiving help was always harder than trying to do it all on my own. And as far as doing it all on one's own, I pushed that strategy to pretty far and in the end didn't find it especially remarkable (was eventually left with no choice but to ask for help). The popular cultural notion is that people pretty much never do that, but that seems likely a myth.

There's always lots of stories in the news about spoiled Hollywood kids & celebs; maybe if one is surround by spoiled rich kids that seems like that's the norm, but from my POV it isn't.

rabbit90
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18 Mar 2011, 3:46 am

Certainly, you are just merely a lucky individual to have your family as a support group.

What do you mean by....

cornflake wrote:

Stuff that happens which no amount of anything will stop from happening , and certainly not a "sense of self" - it's hard-coded. Receiving (or not receiving) support because of it is something entirely different.

Can you for instance give me an example of a situation where it is COMPLETELY necessary to have someone else hold your hand and help you along? Because when push comes to shove, I firmly believe there is no such example, any and everyone can learn and should learn to be able to do everything by themselves.

I was not dismissing, merely putting forth a differing view point, which no one had seemed to have mentioned. Is there something wrong with differing view points? Surely an autism forum would be more than welcoming to differing view points/idea/thought patterns? Maybe not.....

There was nothing in my post which was 'crass' only your interpretations of my post(s). You are failing to actually see my arguments and just grabbing random sentences and posting illogical and unrelated comments underneath them.

You call me crass yet, I was the one called an a***hole (by pensive)? I never used any derogatory words directed to anyone. Also, if you would be so kind internet stranger, could you elaborate on how I dismissed pensive's post?

Why are you flaming on me? There are PLENTY of other posts in this thread with similar vein of thought to my own, so why highlight mine? Yo maaaaaaaad?

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:

rabbit90 wrote:

Are you insinuating I am a 'spoilt rich kid'? Because I think my previous posts in this forum is fairly clear in saying that I am not at all, in fact quite the opposite.

Why did you quote my post, what you said in your post does not seem to have a correlation to what I had written. An elaboration on your points would be rather nice, so I can see why you quoted me.

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18 Mar 2011, 4:42 am

rabbit90 wrote:

Are you insinuating I am a 'spoilt rich kid'? Because I think my previous posts in this forum is fairly clear in saying that I am not at all, in fact quite the opposite.

No, I'm speculating that you may be surrounded by them, and are erroneously assuming that most people are that way.

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18 Mar 2011, 5:32 am

I think when you get to be an adult people assume you should be able to look after yourself, so they don't help any more.
I've been really struggling with this lately, and I'm not sure how you get round the issues.

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Cornflake
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18 Mar 2011, 9:40 am

rabbit90 wrote:

Certainly, you are just merely a lucky individual to have your family as a support group.

I didn't say that. I said "I'd like to think that", mainly as a rhetorical response to your apparent bitterness. I haven't stated what level of support I require, nor whether my family provides anything of what I may need.

Quote:

If you'd actually read what pensive said you would have an answer. You might also like to check out what Verlandi and anbuend said - and other threads here - for more examples. Anbuend especially has (elsewhere) gone into considerable detail of what's required.
With some manifestations of Autism, self-reliance is simply out of the question - but I expect you'll extrapolate this into not being as 'completely' as you meant.
Some things can be learned, some things can be self-managed. But some things just are.

Quote:

Surely an autism forum would be more than welcoming to differing view points/idea/thought patterns?

Certainly, but not in the mocking way you did it.
And like many forums, WP is just as susceptible to being treated as a write-only forum.

Quote:

You call me crass yet, I was the one called an a***hole (by pensive)?

Justifiably, IMO. She gave you some examples of what would happen if she tried to 'go independent' and it seems to me her anger was likely triggered by another of your, umm, 'non-crass' statements:

rabbit90 wrote:

Don't except anyone for support.

Grow up and stop depending on others.

That was directed at everyone reading this thread - irrespective of abilities and dependencies. As in: people you know absolutely nothing about.
That's pretty crass.

Quote:

Also, if you would be so kind internet stranger, could you elaborate on how I dismissed pensive's post?

Well, there's this, in direct response to pensive:

rabbit90 wrote:

Maybe that's intended as humour, but I don't see it.

And really, your advice has just been "Grow up and stop depending on others."
Not good, really.

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Verdandi
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18 Mar 2011, 10:02 am

I know none of the posts were directed at me, but I've had similar in the past. I always appreciated the implication that I just want a free ride and can't be bothered to try hard enough when I had spent most of my adult life trying too hard, to the point of burnout, depression, and panic attacks, and the consequence of my trying was losing most of the independence I did have - which I admit was not nearly as much as I wanted.

I am not sure where people get this idea that everyone has equal ability and equal chance to succeed, or that a lack of success equates to a personal failing rather than hitting intractable (at least at the time) limits.

I have no idea what would happen if I tried to push myself as hard again as would be necessary for independence. My usual timetable tops out at 6 months before everything falls apart, though.

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18 Mar 2011, 10:36 am

rabbit 90 don't tell me to grow up okay. there are more polite ways of trying to get that point across.

when your a kid you can get away with tantrums and family members will still suppourt you and talk to you but not when your an adult people will just think your a nutcase.

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