Funerals

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Funerals, and death in general, feel awkward to me. My uncle bought it when I was around 6, and one of my good friends (I think. On my part at least.) was run over by a jeep on Christmas when I was 10. I'd see everyone crying, and I didn't know what to do. When my grandmother passed, I saw everyone crying for a few days. I thought that was just what we were supposed to do, and it was expected of me, so I tried my best to cry (I was successful). But I didn't understand why. I thought that I just didn't understand the gravity of the situation, and I did not have a clear concept of "death" yet. I probably still don't, because I still feel awkward around funerals. I don't know what to say to people close to the deceased. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel for them. And most of the time I feel bad that I don't feel bad. I try to avoid funerals. I don't think I'm equipped for them.

Only time I've been to a funeral, it was my great grandmothers, who I was close to (she lived with us), and I was a young child, maybe 4 or 5. I do remember it, though, and also heard accounts. I didn't cry or act sad at all, I also didn't feel sad, although I wasn't acting happy or anything since everyone else wasn't. Not sure how I'd act or react at one now. Probably would depend on how close I was to the person.