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Unwanted Friend

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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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24 Apr 2011, 2:59 pm

gav126 wrote:
I have this friend that just brought himself into my life, and I had never asked him to be. Please know that I am not trying to be rude, but he is annoyance to me, and I just want to be left alone. What should I do in order to get peace back into my life. I am just happy with the three friends I have now.

Just avoid him. He will get the message. Confrontations tend to piss people off. So, I would just avoid him if I were you. When he calls, don't answer the phone, when he knocks, don't answer the door, when you see him out in public, go the other way. He will get the message sooner or later and this is a gentle way to let him know so that it gradually sinks in and he slowly realizes you are not interested in being friends.



draelynn
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24 Apr 2011, 3:27 pm

17 times a day?! Does he have issues of his own going on? I know I find extremely needy people very draining. I have very little ability to not let them suck the energy right out of me.

Little social lies are not only acceptable but expected, as I'm learning. Since you are in school, tell him you have a very big project you need to complete by the end of semester and that you have no free time. After school is over, it could be a job... If one of your other friends likes the guy, you could ask them to run interferance for you.



gav126
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25 Apr 2011, 9:21 pm

draelynn wrote:
If one of your other friends likes the guy

No, we are all fed up with him, but I definately will try your advice.



guywithAS
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25 Apr 2011, 9:35 pm

so i think there's two issues you're dealing with here:

1. lack of ability to communicate in a way which provides empathy. you're worried that if you tell him, it will happen the wrong way and get your parents upset.

2. lack of knowing how to be assertive and set boundaries.

i've dealt with both of these and have been improving a lot, but it takes a lot of effort.

for #1, i'd write out what you want to say to him. post it here in this thread and we can provide feedback until you get it right. then you can just say it to him.

for #2, assertiveness, this is the book to read: When i say no i feel guilty

you have every right to decide who is in your life and who isn't, no matter how old you are. the skill is doing it in a way which doesn't burn bridges. i've done it the wrong way for most of my life and now recently am doing it the right way. you can learn this.