AS crush and his bogus girlfriend

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Considering how often non-autistic people completely misread my body language, I'd place more weight on what he says.

Do you think you'd accomplish anything with the girl you're interested in by doing this? I can understand if you've raised past girlfriends, but current fictitious ones seems a tad bizarre. His colleague asked him a few months ago whether he had a gf to which he said no (I wasn't in the company at the time, but I was told this later the day). The next day he sees me he tells me what he and his gf were up to and not once in the year that I've known him have I asked about a gf.

The ironic thing though is that he constantly asks me about a boyfriend that he knows I don't have. I have told him numerous times that I don't have one and bluntly told him one day to refrain from asking me that again. A month or 2 later he asked the same questions...

I didn't say that I had done this to a girl that I was interested in. If I realised the interest, I would never even consider it. As I mentioned, I was inclined to invent girlfriends because I thought that I would fit in more if I said it. I was talking more about when a girl showed interest in me. In this sort of scenario, my policy of invention would backfire - however, I would be unaware of this at the time as I would generally be unaware of this interest and follow my standard script.

I'm not sure what to say about your situation, I'm afraid. Extreme directness would seem to be the best option normally, but from what you have written he is far from direct and, to me at least, just confusing!

Sorry not to be of more help.

I get that you use it to appear normal, I really do. Would you talk about "her" as if you were in a relationship, doing things together, etc? He raised this gf in almost every conversation we've had but only briefly, except yesterday when he spoke about "her" extensively. I therefore couldn't tell him my feelings and that was so frustrating.

I would not do that. I felt uncomfortable about lying and thus wouldn't voluntarily bring it up. You are certain he does not have a girlfriend? - if you really are sure why don't you ask to meet her since he talks so much about her? His reaction to that would surely give an indication. Or you could ask to see a picture or something...concrete enquiries were what I feared when I made up such a charade and asking something like that might allow you to get to the truth of the matter.

Ah - just realised that I have repeated what has already been said by another poster. In that case, what more can you do than state your feelings clearly, regardless of what he is saying, and leave it to him?

That could be some sort of script that he's memorized. I do that, because there are times that I simply have no idea what to say, so I just fall back on some standard questions to avoid an uncomfortable silence. The problem is that sometimes the question is inappropriate, and I don't catch myself until it is too late. That could be what is happening here. He just has a standard question that he asks, but in this case it is really inappropriate, but he doesn't stop himself in time.

Sorry, but I can't offer any insights about the bogus girlfriend, though.

Hmm, maybe, but he has never asked me directly. He'll ask what I did with my bf the weekend. On one really bizarre day, the first time he mentioned a gf to me (which I must admit was a shocker) he asked me 3 times in half an hour about a bf...asked if I went to the movies with him the previous day and the oddest one, when I was going to Paris with him. Really odd behaviour! Wondering if all this could be fuelled by major insecurities...

YES. I did that, and looking back, it was really silly, but it compensated somehow for in feelings of inexperience and fear. He's probably a virgin, and he was raised among a society where that is unacceptable for a male over age 17 or 18.

Charles

How old were you when you did this? He is 42 and too old to be playing such games I think and yes, I do have a strong feeling that he is a virgin because of his very religious upbringing and his almost forced way of attempting physical contact...very unnatural.

maybe he's trying to tell you that he's not interested in you.

.

For years I had two women friends.
One was a girl friend, and one was a friend who happened to be a girl.

The later was a very needy clingy person who already had a boyfriend- an older abusive ex-convict.
At some point she decided she was in love with me but I was not interested (her needyness itself was a turnoff like dating your own daughter). If my other lady friend had not existed I might well have invented her to help keep the second girl at arms length.
But this needy girl was a very extreme and unusual person.
If you're not like her ( needy and clingy) then Im at a loss to explain his behavior.

It doesn't sound like insecurities. There is something more there. I have no idea what, though. Is there any chance that he actually believes what he is saying?

I honestly have no idea whether or not he believes it. When we had a chat about a month ago he asked whether I was moving into my new house with my husband (which he knows I don't have) and then later says maybe I should let my flatlet to my boyfriend so I don't have to be alone...????
Which also raises the question: Why ask me constantly about a boyfriend if you indeed have a girlfriend?

I found this interesting comment on a mental health board site : "All of my delusions have been obsessions as well. If they were not so intense in nature I wouldn't have believed what I was thinking. The fact that I just couldn't let a delusion come and go reinforced the delusion. I wonder if delusional thinking could be an extreme form of OCD. People with OCD have irrational fears too. Aren't delusions just irrational fears that are more complex and creative in nature then OCD fears. I wonder where the line is drawn between OCD and Delusions?"

He has OCD which he denies having yet it is soooo obvious. He is a neat freak - I mentioned this to him as being "abnormal behaviour" but of course he denied it.

He does it because he is eccentric and quirky so he made an imaginary gf. It's just an idiosyncrasy. What do you say when he brings up this gf whom you know isn't a real person. Do you tell him you know she doesn't exist? Do you smile and laugh nervously? What is your reaction.
If you call him on it, does he say she is real?

On the many, many occasions that he raised it (he's also never given her a name), I've never asked any questions about her because I knew she wasn't real. There is no reaction from me, crossed arms and blank stare - at that moment I'm thinking what a total douche he is if he thinks I'm actually going to believe his lies. A month ago he raised "her" only when I told him that he seemed like an incredibly difficult person to live with. Then he said "my CURRENT girlfriend doesn't think so, she thinks my being neat is cute" - later in the same conversation he complains about how difficult it is for him to find someone....make sense to you??