How do you know a conversation has finished?

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When you don't feel like adding any additional points and the other person(s) don't either.

ruveyn

Usually I just leave it up to the other person to end the conversation, and I don't really have trouble seeing when that is. They will say something obvious like "nice talking to you" or "see you later" or "I'm sorry I have to go." Then you can still linger for a few minutes to say goodbyes, so it doesn't end too suddenly. If I want to get out of the conversation, I try to find a lull in which I can say something similar, though I sometimes find that hard to do.

I don't. In fact, a few months ago, some friends from work pointed it out to me. Apparently, when I begin talking about something, I will monologue for some time. To make matters worse, if they change the subject, I will unadvertedly get back to the previous topic as soon as I get the chance, even if hours have passed. Also, I tend to use "hyperlinks" on my conversations: if someone mentions something of interest during a conversation, I will suddenly talk incessantly about it, leading to some ridiculously random conversations.
Since they told me this, I began monitoring my own conversations, but sometimes I get carried away.

I don't know. Most people I encountered seem to be able to jabber forever, ignoring any signs that I'm bored. Usually I need to find an excuse to leave. Often I need to have several attempts to end the conversation (even after saying good night a couple times) before they'd let me go. Once I told someone I had to go to the bathroom. She actually asked why I always need to go to the bathroom when she's on the phone with me. I said well because it's been nearly two hours (of time wasted). If you talk for 15 minutes at a time like other people do, then I wouldn't need to go to bathroom much. That might be why I haven't been keen about making new friends. I seem to attract people with motor mouth and that's just too much trouble and time wasted for me. That's also why I use an old fashioned corded phone, so I wouldn't be able to take it to bathroom with me or cook dinner while talking. I can't multi-task at all anyway.

*Oh and if you start yelling at each other. It's already too late to finish the conversation. Might as well have a big fight.

Last edited by y-pod on 01 May 2011, 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, I definitely do this. I think there are just some things I like to talk about in particular. I do this almost without realizing it......

Well, since I have ADHD, I know that I can ramble on incessantly myself. The best advice I've gotten so far (which is actually hard to do), is to REALLY listen to what the group, or the one person is saying BEFORE you offer your own thoughts about anything. I find that usually I'm so focused in my head on what I'm going to say next that it can make me a bad listener at times. I try to get out of my own head (even if for a moment), really listen to the topic at hand, and decide if what I'm going to share is relevant at all before opening my mouth. Or if what I want to say isn't relevant exactly, I have learned how to make somewhat coherent "segways" if I want to share something new.

For example, if I'm listening first, I will hear the group talking about school or work, etc. If what I want to share is about my favorite hobby, then I can assume I shouldn't interject at that time. If, on the other hand, I pick up on any related issues like "school is sort of a hobby for me," that would be my clue that I can possibly interject something about my hobby (and still be on target with the group conversation). I wish that I had learned this much earlier in life, as it would have made me a much better conversationalist back then.

What happens with me is I notice they stop responding to what I say, then I just stay quiet. With family, I keep talking on and on, anyway, even when they don't say anything, With strangers I mutter a few "fine thanks," and stop with that because they don't really want a conversation. Some do. In fact, I was at the store the other day and actually had a real life conversation with someone who listened to me. It was about the weather of all things, but it was a real conversation with someone besides my family.

I think I need some help with this myself.. I was having dinner with some people last week and started talking enthusiastically about buffer overflows and the way they are exploited. I didn't realise how long I went on about it but I was told later I "wowed the audience" for about half an hour with this stuff. Somehow I don't think I will score another invite with these people..

hehe.. i actually don't know myself.. i think my attention had already shifted before i could see or get to the death of the conversation.. but i guess its over when you think its over. yeah, like when there's no more anyone or yourself could add to the conversation or topic, and that the people's interest and attention from is no longer paid to it..

Well, maybe it's related to how people with AS, when they are confronted with something that doesn't quite make sense to them, will sometimes inappropriately try to look for a deeper level of complexity in it. To clarify, I think that some of us are mistaking an empty statement for something that is important in some way we can't fathom. Sometimes it really is a way of saying, "let me know when you are done, dear..."

Another major red flag for me is that the person I'm talking to will interrupt me with a personal anecdote, such as saying, "that reminds me of one time when..." and that seems to be, in the overall structure of polite conversation, a means of summary via exemplification. It might also function as a take-off point for the speaker to get some bee out of his or her own bonnet.

addendum..
conversations finish for me at the moment i think of something unrelated to the conversation that i want to immediately consider to the exclusion of anything else.

people can always go elsewhere to talk without hanging around me, so i do not see why i am to blame for whatever displacement they feel at the time when i "dry up".

i have the linguistic skills to talk to almost anyone, but what i am interested in enough to say is quite limited, and while some people may get excited about what i say, they are usually disappointed when i resign from the discussion because the "burning interest" i seemed to have minutes before is gone.


when i am finished with talking to them , i am finished with them in general. . then the world of humanity retreats beyond my threshold of interest.

i do not know what i am missing out on i know.
thank god for that.

This is a biggie for me. I will have goodbye exchanges for 2 mintues before I realize that means I need to hang up. I dont know why this is but it seems to anoy folks that I am talking to.

The worst problems that I have with conversation in general is being totally random (according to my sister)

But in really, I have two conversations going at once....the one in my head as I am thinking about something totally different than what is being discussed among people around me....then there is outerior conversation with others. Sometimes the interior conversation switches tracks onto the outerior conversation....of course that is when people say....you are soooo random

but to answer your question
best to my knowlege a conversation is over when the person's body( or any part of the body) begins to face away from you and they start talking in shorter and shorter sentances. When they start talking about things they need to do right about now, or they wish you well with things like, take care, or be good...etc etc.
The most obvious sign a conversation is over is when they say goodbye, or other terms of departure like I gotta go, but it has been nice talking to you.

When a person walks away from you....dont follow them to continue the conversation....because this may really anoy them or worse yet, freak them out.

I also greatly struggle with starting conversations with others, but what I really struggle with is knowing when a conversation is over. Talking one on one with a peer isn't too stressful for me, my main struggle is when I am talking with a group of people. It can be overwhelming, multiple people, sometimes having multiple conversations. Ironically it isn't so much when someone in the group is talking to me, but when they aren't. I am just left standing there feeling awkward, not to mention the crippling anxiety. I sometimes feel welcome, and other times feel as though I am a nuisance with the same group. When I have something to say it is usually quite humorous, many people laugh at my jokes, which would indicate that I am welcome, but I cannot shake the feeling that I am not well liked, or seen as the semi-awkward person with a few good jokes.

Conversations are over when the person stops talking or when they need to leave or when you need to leave or when you are done talking.

I don't talk much, so I know its over when they stop talking to me.