Making peace w/ my former bullies at my 20 year reunion.....

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With my old school people will be wondering if their cars will be still on fire when they leave or will the fires be put out. just saying..

Why bother?

I definitely wouldn't do it. You, like me, might feel as if you are able to do this at this point in time, but when you see your bullies, maybe you might once again feel anxious and struggle to get your words out. If I personally saw my old bullies, I'd have a hard time not shouting cuss words in their face then blaming my Tourettes! Yeah I know it's immature but if I have put myself in that situation then it's sort of my fault. Frankly, most of the people who bullied me are probably now in dead end jobs (heck I fantasize about it!) with about 6 sprogs and a lousy council house filled with mold. They wouldn't listen to me back then, I doubt they would listen to me now. I personally am planning to write a book and attempt to get it published, but again I doubt any of the bullies would read it... they probably can't read it because they spent so much time in English tormenting me!

I find that there are certian groups of people who will never understand as even if you explain it to them a million times...and this can happen at any age. There are plenty of 40 and 50 year old bullies in the world, and often they are just closed minded people with little tolerance for differences.

Generally high school reunions are about success in life. What this means is your ability to find a good paying job, the car that you drive and the house that you bought. Unfortunately if you have not achieved all of these material gains bullies are likely to dismiss you as a loser.

Do not forgive, do not forget!

Never appologise........ its a sign of weakness and "provoked the other students to pick on me" is daft!

Turn up in a Jaguar, wearing an Armarni suit with a trophy wife instead.

SOME people mature over time... but SOME people do not. I know a 73 year old man right this minute that I could use as an example... he's actually PROUD of, in his own words "not ever growing up"... hence, his 6 children have nothing to do with him...

My vote--- as a 42 year old woman--- don't do it. Stick to your fantasy, because you can't predict what others are going to say or do, and it might hurt your feelings all over again. Just focus on your own growth, and let them be accountable for themselves. There are even certain theraputic psychological therapies whereby you imagine a confrontation with past tormentors... as I am sure you know. But the therapy uses imagination only, to save the victim from the possibility of more abuse from those same *known entity/proven* abusers. It's one thing to forgive someone for something they did when they were younger, realizing they were young so you give them the benefit of the doubt. It's quite another to have a full-grown JERK willfully and knowingly re-abuse you in the present day. That would set your healing back quite a ways, wouldn't it? then you would have two things to try and forgive/overcome. Take care of yourself first. You do not deserve to be abused, neither the first time, nor a second time. You have a right to protect your psyche, which includes not exposing it to further abuse. ♥

There is no need to make peace with your enemies. Bullies are coward and thugs and are your enemies. Leave them in your past and move on with your life.

Bullies/enemies are negative people that you do not need to see again. At school you could not escape them. As an adult you simply leave that job or avoid the bullying cowardly thugs.

100% correct!

The only reason to turn up at the renunion is to shove two fingers up at the bullies!

What would you be apologizing for........I certainly would not apologize to people who contributed to my hellish childhood for them picking on me and attacking me for being different. Not to mention I am sure if I was to go to a reunion and confront those jerks about and mention the aspergers they would say something like 'oh so you are ret*d' because ret*d referres to all mental differences and disorders apparently.

You make it sound like a social bungee jumping dare.

I think if you put this suggestion to a psychologist they would probably suggest the following;
If you are in a better position now and happy with your current life (or at least the general direction it's taking you) then going to the re-union will only re-activate your past, one that was obviously not happy for you, it will also put you in contact with your tormentors - people who more than likely will have forgotten you in their own lives. Psychology tells us that school bullies (unless they have a psychosis) erase their memories of bullying when they get married and have children of their own. They become role models to their family and to general society so the Law of the jungle - dog eat dog world of the schoolyard is an unnecessary stage for them to re-live. Of course many of the qualities they carry will have been learned from hurting and bullying others and they may use these behavioral tendencies more strategically in the corporate world.

So what is the likely response you'll get when they meet you and you tell them about your AS? very little. On the face of it they will either try and be friendly (for old times sake) or they will ignore you like you are party decorations. One quality they are likely to carry is a cold callous disregard, I guarantee they will have surgically removed your existence from their memory. Bullies do not sit around with their friends drinking and laughing at their schoolyard victims from 20 years before.

If they are (or were) of course alpha males types or belonged to that elite social clique of girls then they will always have bigger fish to fry in their never ending quest for social climbing. Leave them be. My advice is simply don't waste your precious energy, if your time at school was unhappy then don't go, focus on the present and the future.

I was bullied incessantly for all my school years for being a loner and had no friends. In 2004 I was invited for my class 20th anniversary school graduation dinner (I don't know how they tracked my phone number?). The girl who rang me was one of those who used to follow me around with a larger group and call me names. I very politely told her I was booked for another engagement.

Never been to a reunion, nor do I have any desire to rub shoulders with former classmates. In fact, I only got invited last year for the 30 year reunion. I guess prior to 30 years, I didn't exist or was all but forgotton? I know I don't owe any of these people an apology. Do they owe me? Maybe but I don't care. From what I've heard about past reunions, most of these people show up as an excuse to get drunk & act like teenagers again. If that makes them happy, good for them. But what usually happens when people get drunk is that bad behavior soon follows. It's quite likely that the taunting (or worse) could happen all over again. I hate being humiliated in public, & the older I get, the more I desire a peaceful & quiet existance away from loud obnoxious people. Why subject myself to people who's high school years were the peak of their lives & who still live like they're still teens?


Tomboy

Apologize for what? Being who you are?

You don't need to apologize for being you, good sir.

Seems like a good place to bomb.

Even if you provoked people, it doesn't give them the right to bully you.

Why on earth would you apologise? They should be the one's deeply apologising and inventing a time machine so they can change what jerks they were in school.

I don't see very many reasons why you should go, nor reasons you shouldn't really. As far as raising Aspergers understanding. Nobody will care. All that they're gonna do, after giving you some flatteries perhaps, is walk away and go "Oh, she's only crazy now in adulthood, and she's telling me about her mental disorder." That's all their thought process will be. They're not gonna react positively to your AS, or really care. That said, if you wanna go for other reasons besides telling them that, there's no reason not to. Nobody's going to outright bully you there.

I've noticed many of the people I had trouble with in high school got a lot more cordial after high school in their dealings with me. Looking back, many things I thought were bullying were really complete misunderstandings on my part. But I noticed the people in high school are now not really too bad. I'm not saying they're saints, or I want to be their friend, but they're not as bad on an individual basis outside of school.

I don't know if I'll ever deal with a high school reunion, I was expelled/dropped out, and have a GED. Who knows if I'll get invited. Guess I'll have to handle that when it comes, if it does.