About eye contact...

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When you don't make eye contact people think you are turning your back on them in arrogance.

Eye contact was the hardest thing for me to do. To this day, I will usually play with something when taking to someone or look at my hands and such. Especially if I'm the one talking.

I don't think people understand that when I look up and meet them in the eye it is like I want to run and hide and explode and cry all at the same time. To them it is natural. But I've learned how to make some eye contact when I'm meeting people and such. And I look up every once in a while to take sure they know I'm listening. It apparently makes me look really bored in class, but oh well.

My eye contact has gone through different stages. I used to stare at people when they were talking because that's what I thought eye contact was. But I've realized that isn't right either. So now if someone is telling me something really important I time my eye contact so it looks like I'm listening. What is really going on in my mind is "Look her in the eyes... now look away. Now go back to looking her in the eyes. Smile, nod. Now let your eyes drift to the left... Now look back." ect. It is hard to listen to what they are saying at the same time, lol.

And I have kind of learned how to read people's eyes, or at least make eye contact to tell if they are talking to me or not, lol.

Eye contact is an unsettling experience for me. I usually try and pull the "approximate eye-contact" trick of looking past them instead of at them. Some notice my not-direct eye contact and get upset, but usually I am successful.

I found that I demand eye-contact, too when talking to people, at least partially, to be certain they're paying attention. To me the eye-contact thing is like those LED indicator lights on appliances showing they're turned on, that the people heard me and is willing to pay attention. They only need to do that for a few seconds, then I'm more relaxed about it. Once a conversation gets going they can look elsewhere without bothering me. My ideal talking with people is actually a bit initial eye contact, then sit side by side and I touch their body somewhere. The feeling of their warmth and the texture of their skin or hair really give me a feeling of personal connection. Unfortunately every kind of body contact is considered sexual, or at least violating personal space in North America so I don't do this much with people.

i hate it when people make me make eye contact. i don't understand why its important but i try do it anyway. it freaks me out and makes me feel panic-y, less often it feels almost natural and other times i make too much of it because i'm not really making eye contact i'm staring at people and studying them- their facial expressions, mannerisms, dress and, i'll admit it, their um hotness if i find them attractive (humans are facinating things). all without blinking. apparently blinking is important or you end up freaking people out with your intense, blank stare. i fake it mostly by blurring vision or looking just off their eyes. i hate it when people tr ymake eye contact with me too. its like "why are you staring at me? did i do something wrong? dont look at me dont look at me dont look at me."

I saw a film - I think it was "Get Shorty" in which a big guy says that to people....then as soon as the little guy tries it, he gets punched. So I figure it's a power move. I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to say such a thing to anybody, and I'd probably be offended if they said it to me. Only exception might be a sexual partner, I think I'd feel that something was missing if we never had any eye contact, and I'd understand if they felt that. But whatever the situation, it would be a gentle request and not a demand. A friend of mine recently sacked a counsellor for (among other overbearing behaviour) picking her up too avidly about eye contact......I'm no health professional but even I know that although she hardly ever makes eye contact, she listens, and I've known a number of people like that. I suppose anybody calling for eye contact is essentially calling for reassurance, so I'm surprised that anybody has the gall to use it as a way of dominating people........maybe it's evidence of insecurity among the elite.